To think it's a bit cheeky of this guy to invite himself over to mine?

[BeQuietAndEatYourGreens]

We've been on three dates, all very spaced-out and quite superficial. I'm not really feeling anything for him if I'm honest and could happily take him or leave him. I've been agreeing to keep meeting-up just to be open to something developing I suppose, especially as there's nobody else great in the pipeline either. Nothing much has happened physically because I'm not sure I want it to and I don't want to lead him on either (and I'm not generally one to get very physical early on anyway).

He texted to ask if I'd like to meet up for a fourth date. I said, 'Sure. How about dinner Wednesday?' He said fine and I suggested meeting in an area which is a good midway point for both of us.

He then said, 'OK. Could come to your place before or instead if that's easier?'

Erm, shouldn't it be me inviting him rather than him inviting himself?! Even if we get a take-away rather than me cooking for him?

if he was skint he could have asked you to his and he'd cook you a meal. to expect you to do all the work is a bit much. if you're already 'meh' about him i wouldn't bother anymore.

If he doesn't drive, how is he intending to get to your place? Or is he proposing that you pick him up from the station and take him there? Or give him your address (which he could then use for anything) so he can get a taxi?

Nope. Especially if you're not feeling it.

How is it ever easier to host someone at your house than to go out and order a meal? 'If it's easier,' my arse. 'I'd like a lift, dinner and laid at yours.' Just nope out.

I think he's testing to see if a shag might be on the cards, but that doesn't necessarily make him a selfish sex beast. A fourth date is the one where quite a lot of daters would be inclined to consider a shag, or suggest it, or at least hint about it.

But as you currently don't want to shag him and don't fancy having him in your house, your options are either a) say no, let's meet at [bar/restaurant/pub/art gallery] and give him one more chance to make a shaggable impression on you or b) say, look, don't think this is going to go any further so let's not waste each other's time. Best of luck.

why are you meeting him for a fourth date if you are not feeling it? Tell him it isn't going anywhere.

Yes, well said expatinscotland. Even with old friends I've known for years and know I don't have to make a massive effort for, it would always be easier to go out!

If your immediate reaction is to think "Good God no!" then this is your wake up call

You're wasting your own time here, trying to invest emotion and time for the want of something better to do.

You’re definitely not into him by all you’ve stated here. Even if there’s no one else in the pipeline, it’s a waste of time for you both to just to wait for something better to come along. Time to cut him loose.

And I wouldn’t like the self invite either.

The point is OP if you fancied things getting a little cosier then it would be. Order in take out, watch a movie, make out like teenagers vs both travelling dressed up to sit for a meal where you're expected to vacate after 2 hours.
I'd really just tell him you aren't interested

It sounds as if he likes you but doesn't want to go on endless half-hearted dates if there's no prospect of moving forward to a sexual relationship, so he's sounding you out.

If your gut response is "ugh NO!" then I would just call it off, because what is the point really?

I think you should stop saying yes to him and wasting his time tbh He sounds into you and you sound like you're killing time

Run girl, he's not for you i think! sounds like he is after some food and something else! you clearly not that bothered, so why go through all the hassle?

And you know, even if you were into him, it's not always sensible to invite someone into your home that early on when you don't know them that well. I've done that in the past and found myself in some pretty hairy situations so learned to be a bit more guarded with my place in the beginning.

Also, if you are an interested party, isn't the onus on you to invite the person to your place, not invite yourself over to theirs? That's pretty cheeky.

He doesn't sound any more interested in her than she is in him, sounds interested in getting a lift from the station for a cooked meal and a shag, more like. If he were really that into her and skint he'd say so, and suggest she come to his for a meal, meet for a picnic, go for ice cream, all sorts if you're creative and care enough to be imaginative.

Fair point that it might have been more polite for him to invite OP to his place, though then again that could be interpreted as 'I want to trap you in my dungeon and make a party hat out of your skin', of course.

But I think the main thing is: he is trying to find out how likely it is that you want to progress towards having sex, because if you don't, then he'd rather move on. There is nothing whatsoever wrong with that.

I keep reading all this stuff about how people make too many snap decisions in dating these days and should give things a chance to develop.

And in my experience it's very rare to develop sexual feelings from nothing. It happens, but often with friends who turn into something more. Not 'meh online dude' who does nothing for you.

He fancies a shag, you don't. Time to move on.

Yeah, he's roundabout sniffing for a shag. Fair play. It's not your scene. Just tell him you're both better off moving on. It is tricky when it comes to that point, but again, I invited to my place and a couple of times wound up pretty scared, and/or had the person go stalker and had a tough time getting rid, because there's the possibility you invite them over and they totally suck in bed.

I have to agree that keeping dating him just because you have nothing better to do is mean and leading him on to thinking it will become something more. I cant blame him for testing the waters regarding the physical.

Better to say now that you are not interested and give him a chance to find someone who is.

Drop him.

Find someone else.

I'm not sure if it is cheeky or not, there's scenarios in which it is and some where it isn't but you're put out by it so probably time to give up. If you'd been really into him I doubt you'd have had this reaction...

I went out with a nice enough guy who I met through OLD. I was like you, thinking 'give it a bit of time, it might turn into something'. It was when we were standing in a taxi queue, having had a couple of drinks and I still didn't want to snog him that I decided to cut my losses!

OP, as MrsTP says, sexual feelings don't come out of nothing - even though the relationship with my now DH took a long time to develop properly, at least there was some sort of small spark on the first and subsequent few dates.

Gosh poor guy, you're only dating him because you like him marginally more than you like the alternative of being temporarily alone. He wouldn't choose to be a stopgap if he knew. And I can't imagine how uncomfortable it must be to be dating someone you don't fancy and who does like you, could not do it. I expect the stress of that is manifesting in being prickly about things like his clumsily inviting himself over - if you actually liked him I don't think you'd pick up on it.

I never go on second dates, let alone fourth dates, with people if I don't feel a spark on the first, partly because it wouldn't be fair to them, even if we got on really well otherwise. Nothing unfair about not giving them second and third chances beyond the first meeting - you sign up for a time commitment of however long it takes you to finish one drink, or whatever the initial plan is, & nothing more.
Think the fair thing here is just to bin him off, sorry OP!

He is basically arranging a meeting with you where is expecting sex. If that’s not what you want then now is the time to tell him. He’s played along nicely with the 3dates before expecting anything rule, but it definitely on the cards for him on Wednesday.

Tell him to get lost OP ,he is not your cuppa tea and is obv gagging for a shag, what is the point of keeping it going.