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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's a bit cheeky of this guy to invite himself over to mine?

105 replies

BeQuietAndEatYourGreens · 24/04/2018 14:01

We've been on three dates, all very spaced-out and quite superficial. I'm not really feeling anything for him if I'm honest and could happily take him or leave him. I've been agreeing to keep meeting-up just to be open to something developing I suppose, especially as there's nobody else great in the pipeline either. Nothing much has happened physically because I'm not sure I want it to and I don't want to lead him on either (and I'm not generally one to get very physical early on anyway).

He texted to ask if I'd like to meet up for a fourth date. I said, 'Sure. How about dinner Wednesday?' He said fine and I suggested meeting in an area which is a good midway point for both of us.

He then said, 'OK. Could come to your place before or instead if that's easier?'

Erm, shouldn't it be me inviting him rather than him inviting himself?! Even if we get a take-away rather than me cooking for him?

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 25/04/2018 12:11

I really don't see what's wrong with his response! Saying he would like to try your cooking does not mean anything like moving in and you cooking for ever. IMO, it's a gracious response to a knock back.

But anyway, you just don't fancy him, so why haven't you sent the 'nice to meet you, but...' text?

RestingBitchFaced · 25/04/2018 12:17

Call it quits, if your not into him after 3 dates your not going to be

Onlyhavetwohands · 25/04/2018 12:19

I don’t see he’s done anything out of order but the fact you are horrified at the thought of him coming to your place says it all. Dump the poor bloke!

MissWilmottsGhost · 25/04/2018 12:25

I think you are reading too much into his responses TBH. It's like you are trying to make him out to be bad guy, even though his messages seem quite reasonable.

You don't like him, so call it off.

You don't have to make it his fault Confused

ReanimatedSGB · 25/04/2018 12:27

I still don't think anything he has done is terrible but at the same time, I don't understand why you're not just moving on, OP. You don't owe him anything: not another date, not your time, not hours spent wondering how you could make yourself like him more, and certainly not sex.

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/04/2018 12:31

I think you are looking for things to be pissed off about now. He asked, you said no, he expressed disappointment, whats the problem? His answer does not indicate he is planning on having you cook for him day in, day out!

Why havent you just messaged him with "thanks but no thanks, have a nice life"? I have to be honest and say that I am coming to the conclusion that he isnt the one playing silly games here.

Original poster
BeQuietAndEatYourGreens · 25/04/2018 13:28

I agree with expatinscotland and feel like this is really off to be honest.

Surely it's bad manners to invite yourself over to someone's home, let alone to demand they cook you a meal. And to imply that you're doing it because you think it might be somehow 'easier' for them is a bit of a joke.

I'm wondering now if this guy perhaps has some difficulty reading social cues because I really haven't given him much encouragement at all. In fact I cancelled the last two dates we had arranged (and was rather hoping he might just disappear).

OP posts:
cees · 25/04/2018 13:33

You are not into him, tell him , let him find someone who is and you are free to do the same.

Original poster
BeQuietAndEatYourGreens · 25/04/2018 13:41

In fairness, we have never discussed being exclusive. So both of us have always been free to find someone more suitable.

OP posts:
Motoko · 25/04/2018 14:02

He didn't "demand" that you cook for him! I agree with pps that you're looking for things to find fault about him.

But I don't understand why you haven't just told him you're not interested. Men don't tend to take hints, nor read minds, you have to be direct.

Just end it.

Onlyhavetwohands · 25/04/2018 14:10

You cancelled two dates and are hoping he will disappear? That’s really unfair.

Itsbecauseimaleo · 25/04/2018 14:14

For the love of god why are you continuing the dialogue surrounding this?! You've made it clear you're not interested so let him know, block him and move on. You're going out of your way to shame him and make him look like an awful person. I don't think he's said anything that bad at all. He's a little cheeky yes but that's not a crime. The whole "oh my god it gets worse" is so nasty and unnecessary. This is what teenagers do. You're leading him on at this point. You don't like him so just get rid and stop being childish

Itsbecauseimaleo · 25/04/2018 14:15

And who the hell discusses being exclusive after three dates?! You sound immature and inexperienced

Original poster
BeQuietAndEatYourGreens · 25/04/2018 14:18

Thanks all. I've politely ended it now by telling him that I don't feel comfortable having him come over here this early on and that that's probably a sign that we're not looking for quite the same thing and are not going to be compatible anyway.

He's just messaged back, 'Fine x.'

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 25/04/2018 14:19

I would take this opertunity (him being too forward) to say “actually, I don’t think this is working”. Yes he might be trying to get you into bed, he might be trying to move things along a little bit but if your not interested it’s best to just stop dating him and leading him on.

Original poster
BeQuietAndEatYourGreens · 25/04/2018 14:21

The bit about not being exclusive was in response to posters who said I should let him go so that he is free to find someone else.

I'm definitely not implying it would be wise to bring up exclusivity so soon.

OP posts:
Eminado · 25/04/2018 14:21

I think you are a bit horrible OP, sorry.

You are wasting his time (and money!)

You say he cant read social cues but your behaviour isn’t great either.

Itsbecauseimaleo · 25/04/2018 14:23

Finally the saga comes to an end

Mookatron · 25/04/2018 14:25

Give her a break, she's dumped him now. Well done OP.

Original poster
BeQuietAndEatYourGreens · 25/04/2018 14:54

Do people really think it such a terrible thing though to go on a few casual dates with someone from online - even if you don't have particular feelings for or expectations of them - just to get to know each other as friends, see where things go and be open something more developing? I'm genuinely curious. Is that viewed as leading them on? Does it have to be instant fireworks or nothing?

OP posts:
Original poster
BeQuietAndEatYourGreens · 25/04/2018 14:55

I'm genuinely not meaning to be horrible here.

OP posts:
Genevievevavance · 25/04/2018 14:58

It's not terrible
No but it is nasty when you're continuing to go on dates only to come and bash them online for asking harmless questions. Not trying to be mean but you did come across as nasty. It sounded as if you wanted us all up in arms and labelling him a cheeky fucker on your behalf

Lovemusic33 · 25/04/2018 15:05

Be it’s fIne as long as you are honest.

Boredofthisnow86 · 25/04/2018 15:21

"Fine x" means you're going to get 12 missed calls at 2am when he's pissed at the weekend.

Butterymuffin · 25/04/2018 16:01

Did you feel at all attracted to him, OP? As opposed to him seeming like a nice guy, friendly etc.