Should adult children pay ‘rent’ if living with parents?

[Twist89]

When I got a full time job and was living at home I was expected to give my parents money towards bills. Not a huge amount, and way less than I now spend in private renting.

But I’ve come across people who say their parents never made them do that, and others who say they don’t make their 20+ year old children pay anything. Some of these have kids living with them earning around £25k and they still pay nothing.

I find this quite shocking - AIBU?

My mum charged me, as is her right, because I'd have just pissed it against the wall anyway. When I left home she told me that she'd saved the money up and that it was there if I needed anything.

I paid my mum rent from the very first pay check I got have done ever since. Started off at £50 a month (I was only 17 and didn’t have too many hours) when I got more hours I paid her £100 per month. She didn’t ask I just offered.

notacooldad I don't think people are expressing surprise at the 18k. They are expressing surprise at the statement 'only on' 18k

Personally I don't think someone who is on 18k yet freeloads has much to be proud of.

I think I would charge £100 a month towards food if my dd had left full time
Education.

Absolutely. Kids don’t learn by being in a suspended adolescence. My mum took money off me an gave most of it back when I got a house.

I would rather pay them the money I’d sa e on food and utilities to move out.

Apart from some big cities and south east ther are very few places where renting a room is unaffordable. The London biased press puts that idea out there that young people need to stay home. For many they’d rather spend rent on luxuries and freeload of their parents.

I believe that yes they should, even if the parent can afford to still support the adult child, they shouldn't have to. It will also make it harder in the long run for them to move on to their own place as they often get used to the lifestyle they can afford when having no proper bills to pay.
I'm 28 so have many friends similar age or slightly younger who still live with parents and have never had to pay a penny, and these same friends will say how they can't afford to move out, yet they can afford weekly nights out, lots of clothes, flashy cars, expensive mobile contracts and other technology and multiple holidays each year.
Honestly I used to begrudge them these nice things when I still lived at home but had to pay my mum rent so couldn't afford all the same nice things, but I'm so grateful now as I was able to move out and run my own home and not suddenly feel like I'd gone from riches to rags in terms of lifestyle and what I bought. I was much more prepared for real life than a lot of my friends were or are; the ones that have now got their own place are often feeling sorry for themselves at how skint they are and yet they usually still have more money than me, but they don't know how to budget properly as they've never had to.

you can shove your shit statement up your arse

Wow. Arent you a delight. Everyone's entitled to their opinion.

I'd just think I'd failed as a parent if I had a 22 year old earning a good wage who thought it ok to freeload off other people.

Wow. Arent you a delight. Everyone's entitled to their opinion yes but that was a personal attack and if you claim it wasn't it was a very good impression of one.

I'd just think I'd failed as a parent if I had a 22 year old earning a good wage who thought it ok to freeload off other people

Do you not read or understand. Just because he doesn't physically hand over 'rent' doesn't mean he has not contributed in a much better way which was a better agreement for us. It was us parents who suggested the no rent deal for the deal.

Wow, a lot of judgment on this thread.

I moved back to my parents recently, after a decade of having my own place and looking after myself.

Here, I might not pay rent, but am able to save for a deposit, I pitch in with the house, cooking and food bills, and help with the business where I can. The family business (which doesn't pay me) earns a good wedge for my parents, who don't have a mortgage. They have an enviable lifestyle and they have been generous to give me a roof over my head so I can save for my own house (which I couldn't do while renting, on my wage in my area - it would years, and I would then be priced out again).

Living at home doesn't automatically mean someone is a loser who doesn't contribute and live in a way that is unselfish in a household. If someone is ill, you look after them. If someone needs something from the shop, you offer to get it. If someone needs a favour or a hand, you are there. It's not a one-way street. Not all benefits are monetary.

I believe all adults in a home should contribute. Otherwise there is no incentive to move out and lead a productive life if you are financed into adulthood by mum and dad.

The amount really depends on whether or not the parents are struggling to pay rent or mortgage. If so it’s a bit of a pisstake for any adult to get a free ride. However, I think depending on circumstances, some should be saved to return to them for a deposit when they fly the nest.

Of course they should, it is basic respect. Any adult expecting to freeload off someone else is being disrespectful and any parent who allows it is infantilising their ADULT children.

I am returning home from University soon and when I have a full time job I am expected to pay a third of the house hold builds. My mother and father will also pay a third each.

I am expected to work and they don't see why I should earn the same/more than them and not pay.

Rent will include food etc however if I want extra food (I like some of the expensive meals from Asda that are 2 for £6) I will be expected to pay for this myself.

If I didn't pay my way I would feel guilty and like I was taking advantage.

I couldn't charge my child rent
My husband and I moved in with my dad when we were having our first child. He never asked us for a penny, in fact he'd of been offended if we'd paid him rent. (Plus we had only 1 wage that wasn't much. Hence why we didn't rent a place of our own)

I have adult DC who were working when living at home, they have moved out and run their own houses. When their children grow up I wonder if they will be made or expected to pay rent. My DC never paid a penny. They didn't do anything at all around the house. As a PP said it is about respect for the parent. I obviously missed out on teaching them fair play

I would need to as I would be down as ,
CB,maintinance from ex and single person discount on council tax.Quite a hit.
I would expect to go through bills with her and we would work out contributions that way heating the house like an oven when I am out,taking very,very long showers and eating the fridge empty would cost her and stand her in good stead for when she did move out.

notacooldad if he's just completed an apprenticeship I'm guessing he has a proper 'trade', so the various jobs he carries out for the family probably save you more money than he could ever pay in rent. A fair exchange as far as I can see.

Yes, a respectful nominal amount

DCs are in their 20s I charge them £30 per week. It's not much but I won't charge them more. If I had lots of money Id not charge them at all. They're saving for house deposit.

I paid keep to my parents back in the day but they never charged me a huge amount as to their mind, you're saving towards your own home eventually and they didn't want to make a big dent in that. I follow same principles

dd paid rent the first year she lived at home and not the second, because by then we had realised that she would not be able to get a loan for her student fees or living course (her course not eligible) so desperately needed to save all the money she could

as for letting them have self-respect by not teaching them free-loading: what about those of us who grew up in the days when there were no student fees: weren't we free-loading off the state and where is our self-respect?

I hate it when academic colleagues who had all their expenses paid sneer about "the bank of mum and dad" when talking about their students

As a result of dd leaving school early and going to work my income dropped almost £400pcm (ctc, CB, reduction in other benefits too) and that's not including ex's occasional pretence of paying child maintenance. (Never reliable so didn't inc in budget).

I'm disabled, very ill and cannot work.

If she paid no keep (less than £300 so not even covering the full loss) I simply couldn't afford to have her still live here.

Not everyone has a choice. I hope those of you that do appreciate how lucky both you and your DC are.

I was charged keep by my parents, they were by theirs- and they left school aged 14!

All working class families who couldn't afford to do otherwise.

And actually I think it DOES teach them budgeting, responsibility and to appreciate what it costs to run a home.

I've also been involved with young people in voluntary roles - frankly it would do SOME of those from better off backgrounds good not to have everything handed to them. An old friend of dds (they've drifted last few years) was given a 1 year old car on passing her test, 8 months later she's trying to sell it for far less than what it should be worth because she's wrecked it! Been running around speeding and playing the fool in it inc several minor accidents - her dad is going to match whatever she gets for it so she can get ANOTHER car yet she clearly neither appreciates it nor acts responsibly with it.

""I wouldn't want them to pay rent, it's their home" is hilarious. Most adults under 45/50 (and many life long) pay rent or mortgage payments every month - does that make their home not their home? " exactly ridiculous non argument

"apart from food it costs me no more whether they live here or not" really? Do they not use electric, gas, water, cleaning products? Create absolutely NO wear and tear on furniture, carpets, soft furnishings? I doubt it.

"Some current parents might well reflect that their children are likely to learn more about hardship and frugality than they ever had to." Some yes - not true for everyone.

"It's likely those that say they need an income were reliant on the state providing for their children so couldn't afford them as children never mind as adults." Nice bit of benefit bashing there

Graphista, it is quite possible to realise how lucky one is without having to accept that one's child is growing up without self respect, which is the claim of several of the posters above.

My dd held down her physically demanding job for 2 years despite struggling with disability, daily pain and severe MH issues. Her self respect is earned, quite regardless of what she paid or did not pay at home.

I let her keep her earnings of the second year, partly because she needed a foundation course (paid up front & no maintenance loans) to make up for the many years of secondary education she had missed through her illness, partly because if anyone should do without it is better that it should be the person who is healthy. Which is never going to be my child.

TO sum up. All families are different. Different people try to the best according to their different circumstances. It is impossible to establish one rule and say "this will make a child entitled" or "this will be unfair on a child".

I paid my parents rent when living at home and working full time. I also saved for my deposit for my own home in this time. Little did I know that my parents were just putting my ‘rent’ into an account and they gave me this back to pay for my legal costs and to furnish my home. If I am fortunate enough to be in a financial position to do this when my kids are older this is exactly what I will do.

Either way I will still get them to contribute- my DH’s step sister lives rent free along with her partner and young child with DH’s step mum and doesn’t pay a penny to the house, her Mum buys all the baby things, she doesn’t help around the house and they’ve been saving for a deposit for 3 years and still need another 2 years apparently.... I do not want to end up with a child who feels this entitled

Cory there are exceptions to every rule but generally yes I see it a lot. Especially with young men, who neither pay any contribution financially nor do anything practical to contribute.

I'd rather them save towards a deposit for their own place, than pay me to live in mine. But contributing to groceries and maybe paying one bill is a good idea.