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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should adult children pay ‘rent’ if living with parents?

341 replies

Twist89 · 23/04/2018 20:55

When I got a full time job and was living at home I was expected to give my parents money towards bills. Not a huge amount, and way less than I now spend in private renting.

But I’ve come across people who say their parents never made them do that, and others who say they don’t make their 20+ year old children pay anything. Some of these have kids living with them earning around £25k and they still pay nothing.

I find this quite shocking - AIBU?

OP posts:
Idontdowindows · 23/04/2018 21:49

Isnt charging rent and ‘saving it for them’ a bit patronising and baby-ing.

Ok, then we'll say they paid rent which we used for their bread and board and we saved an equal amount out of our wages as a gift for their future. Happy?

Hmm
FunkyHeroCat · 23/04/2018 21:50

We don't receive any form of benefits for our kids due to our income, so actually it won't make much difference. However, if someone in the house is going to be earning, they have to contribute, it's only fair. We wouldn't ask anything if they were in full time education, as they're still partly our responsibility then.

My brother lived with our parents until he was in his 30s and didn't pay them anything despite earning a decent wage (he spent it on cars and flashy motorbikes mainly). I always thought that had they asked him to pay he would have been more motivated to leave earlier. But then maybe that's what they were trying to avoid, all of the rest of us having left by then.

SluttyButty · 23/04/2018 21:50

Iamgrey just thought of another reason. If the family are on JSA or income support and they still have a child over 16/18 living at home then, that child needs to claim jsa if not working or pay a proportion of the re t if they are working if the parent/s are claiming Housing benefit.

RockinRobinTweets · 23/04/2018 21:51

My siblings and I all paid substantial board. It didn’t teach us to budget, I think that ideally happens before then. We’re all still pretty bad with money! Spend what we have and not good savers

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/04/2018 21:51

I'm not at that point yet as my 2 are still in primary school, but if they're still living at home and earning money in full time employment then yes of course I'll be charging them rent. PRobably not commercial levels (I'm not that stingy) but I definitely won't be giving them a free ride.

I've seen what that can lead to in my BIL's case (and a little in DH's too) and I don't like it.

I wasn't charged rent while at Uni, despite working a weekend job, because I didn't get a full amount of grant BECAUSE I was living at home. I needed the grant I had to pay for my train ticket, and my job paid for my other expenses - I didn't have anything left for rent! My parents wouldn't have done that to me anyway. But as soon as I finished university and got a full time job, I left home anyway - if I'd stayed, I would have been charged rent, which would have been fair.

It's all part of learning to be a responsible adult, isn't it. Learn to do your own washing, cooking, ironing, tidying, car maintenance, finances, shopping etc. - then when you DO leave home you know how to do it.

Later, when I was taking in lodgers, I never took in male first-time home leavers because I knew they would just expect me to take over from their mum. Nae luck!

bonbonlavie · 23/04/2018 21:52

Yes I think you should.

If you’re earning and living in your parents’ house, eating food they’ve bought and using gas and lecky then you should be contributing towards it.

Damn sight cheaper than moving out and paying the never ending stream of bills

boringbertha · 23/04/2018 21:53

Absolutely if they are working. My DD pays £50 pw which I think is adequate. I dont think its right that another adult (i.e me) should have to carry someone who is working full time.

Inch · 23/04/2018 21:54

To answer your exact question : yes.

Doubletrouble99 · 23/04/2018 21:54

I will have to ask our children for money towards running costs and food. Our DS eats us out of house and home so I don't think £50 a week would cover it will have to have a think nearer the time and see what he is earning too. When they leave school we will loose their child benefit and child tax credits and we still have a mortgage to pay.

AllTheFancyThings · 23/04/2018 21:55

If they’ve got a full time job, yes. Even if just a token payment.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/04/2018 21:55

While I don't think it specifically has to be rent, I absolutely think adult children should contribute financially to the household, even if the parents don't need the help. It's important to teach young adults responsibility and the realties of being an independent adult. My 20yo lives at home and he helps with utility bills and food shopping as well as numerous household chores.

Skatingfastonthinice · 23/04/2018 21:56

My children may well be living with me for decades. As a parent, should I carry them forever? It works for us, but I’m very happy for others to live their lives differently to me.

T1M2N3T4 · 23/04/2018 22:03

Difference between a 17 year old and an 18 year old. A single parent will no longer be entitled to the single person discount on their council tax.
When I turned 18 I paid board to my dad £120 a month to cover the extra council tax and towards food and other bills. I paid for the internet. Loads cheaper for me than my own place

Mum2jenny · 23/04/2018 22:06

Simple answer is Yes, always.

However as parents it's your choice if you want to save it for the dc and give it to them at a later date or use it if you need to.

Teaching 'freeloading' is not a good choice imo

TheBigFatMermaid · 23/04/2018 22:10

We don't charge Ds1 "rent"
He's only on about £18,500 and 22
It's not like we are out of pocket with him being here.

Good for you. Your DS earns more than my DO. I am disabled, we clearly need to claim benefits. The moment our DC start earning, they are considered by the DWP to be able to contribute, so the benefits get down. The DC won't start eating less, the rent won't go down, nor will other bills. Yes, they will contribute!

Openup41 · 23/04/2018 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

notacooldad · 23/04/2018 22:14

Bigfatmermaid
I did qualify my post by saying it was in context to the opening post where the OP was talking about people earning 25k.
I do know it is a lot of money.

Openup41 · 23/04/2018 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

namechanger200 · 23/04/2018 22:18

I worked from when I was 13, paper rounds, cafes, bar jobs, fast food etc while I was in school & college - and the money from those jobs was for me to socialise and pay for driving lessons, car, insurance and the other little things teenagers spend money on! When I got my first full time jobs at 18 I gave my mum £100 per month (I was on about £750 per month at this point) towards bills food etc it was never demanded it was kind of just understood - I was to pay my way whilst living at home. I got a car and learnt to drive early, as soon as I turned 17 and moved out at 21 tho so have always been good with money as I learnt to budget and where money needed to go and when at a fairly early age. Now 26, lone parent to a 15 month old DS running our little flat my job and our lives - we are comfortable enough. I think it's a good idea that teenagers start to learn early ready for 'the real world'

Stinkbomb · 23/04/2018 22:29

Why on earth shouldn't you expect to pay your own way once you're an adult?

LegallyBrunet · 23/04/2018 22:34

My mum isn’t making me pay rent when I’m home from uni for the summer although I have offered because she’d rather I put the money aside for the next semester. I have agreed to do a lot of babysitting while I’m home though so she benefits in other ways

Godowneasy · 23/04/2018 22:35

My concern about young adult children not making a regular financial contribution to their parents when they live at the family home and earn a wage, is that it infantilises them and does not allow them to become more financial independent and learn how to budget.

Purely anecdotal, but I know of quite a few families where the adult children have not been expected to contribute, and where the young adults subsequently seem to have never fully grown up and have not coped well when they did finally leave. Some have then returned after failed relationships etc and still don't contribute! They often seem to lack a sense of purpose and ambition.

Personally, I can afford to not charge my daughter rent if she returns home after finishing University, but I will be expecting a reasonable and regular financial contribution from her nevertheless. I would probably save it on her behalf for when she needed to make a large purchase of some sort

5foot5 · 23/04/2018 22:39

It's not about the "rent", it's about respect for your parents

I would go further and say it I also about their own self respect and an acknowledgement of their adult status.

Our DD (22) recently started her first full time job. As it happens it is local so she can live at home. She told us she wanted to pay rent before we even raised the subject so we worked out an amount that seemed like a reasonable contribution.

We could afford not to take anything and while she was a student and just had part time and temporary jobs we didn't. But it feels better this way I think, from her POV as well as ours.

Oh and I have been impressed with her budgeting - she has a spreadsheet an everything!!

Rachie1973 · 23/04/2018 22:39

Mine do once they earn a full time wage, proportionate to their earnings.

I couldn't have afforded to have them here otherwise until recently.

notacooldad · 23/04/2018 22:42

My concern about young adult children not making a regular financial contribution to their parents when they live at the family home and earn a wage, is that it infantilises them and does not allow them to become more financial independent and learn how to budget
There are plenty of opportunities to learn how to budget without having to pay 'rent' as DS has found out!

I did say earlier thst he earned 18k which some have expressed suprise at. He hasn't always been on this amount and until fairly recently he was on an apprentice wage.

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