Should adult children pay ‘rent’ if living with parents?

[Twist89]

When I got a full time job and was living at home I was expected to give my parents money towards bills. Not a huge amount, and way less than I now spend in private renting.

But I’ve come across people who say their parents never made them do that, and others who say they don’t make their 20+ year old children pay anything. Some of these have kids living with them earning around £25k and they still pay nothing.

I find this quite shocking - AIBU?

Depends on each set of individual circumstances.

I think of that are an adult and earning then yes, they should contribute. You can't just live somewhere at no cost to you whether it's your parents house or not.

When I was a student, I paid rent on my student accommodation during term time and contributed to food etc when I was home. I didn't live at home full time beyond 18 as I moved in with my partner straight after uni so I have never experienced not paying rent/mortgage.

I wouldnt charge rent as such but id expect some help with food costs and utilities

My parents charged rent as it was about teaching responsibility but they put it mostly straight into a savings account (we didn't know at the time) . This meant when we left home they had some money to give us to help us set up in life eg deposit for rental or car or whatever. It meant we were used to budgeting and bills when we left home too which was good.

My best friend is 40 and lives at home, her parents don’t charge her rent. But as they get older (they’re in their 80s already and currently pretty fit and active), as she’s the only one at home, she’ll be the one caring for them. Financially her parents don’t need the money, mortgage is long since paid off, they’re very comfortably off. Best friend is on a low income, she couldn’t afford to live close by if she was renting privately. Most importantly, the three adults involved are all perfectly happy with the situation! so it might not be what I would do or you would do, but it suits them and hurts no one.

'It seems mercenary to charge children to live at home.'

Yes, all those working poor people who cannot afford to keep an adult in the home gratis are just such shit parents.

In the real world, OP, some adult children have to pay a share of rent and food/utilities/costs to live with parents as the parents cannot afford to lodge a grown adult free of charge.

Mine will pay board when the time comes and I will use half of it to put towards bills and put the other half in a savings account for them.

Not everyone is the same of course but of the grown up children I know who don't/didn't pay board all of them are a bit entitled or really struggled with their finances when they did move out.

I never paid rent and I lived on and off at home until I was 36! My mum just would not have taken it from me and she wasn't rich by any means. She looks after and feeds my child 5 days a week and also looks after my dog. She flatly refuses to take any money from me. Its bloody difficult getting her to let us buy her fish and chips.

I will be taking rent from my DS when he's older but will be putting it into a savings account for him, but he won't know that.

It’s a purely individual thing based on your own circumstances , mine pay nothing because apart from food it costs me no more whether they live here or not and we don’t need the money . Paying your parents does not teach you how to budget , that should have been done years before you get to that age . I never paid my parents / dh paid his and we both agree that we don’t charge ours , both of whom are very good savers .

I paid a small amount that probably barely covered my food but it gave me a good lesson that I had to budget for outgoings so I think it’s a good idea. If your child is saving hard for a deposit and you can afford it I can imagine it a bit differently

movinonup I am rubbish with money, my bills all get paid but hopeless with other stuff credit cards etc apart from DS savings and a pension I have taken out for him. Hence why I will be making DS pay rent.

For us if dd decides to move back home after uni (highly unlikely) and she's working then yes she'll be charged board and lodgings. We can afford not to do this but I think it stands our children in good stead for life, you can't live and eat somewhere for free.

Mine contribute towards food and general household expenses. It isn't rent. If it was I would expect them to behave like tenants and cook their own meals, do their own washing and clean their rooms.

I was embarrassed enough to be living with my parents in my 20s (on and off between about 22 and 25 - I realise this is much more commonplace and necessary now). I’d have been super embarrassed not to pay my way.

I bought this house knowing that I won’t pay off the mortgage till I’m about 65. If my kids want to live at home they will have to pay me some rent - otherwise we will have to sell the house and move somewhere much smaller! I can’t keep working at this level until I’m 65!

While they were in education then no.
Once earning I took £150 a month of them.
I was lucky enough not to need this money, so I saved it.
When they moved out I used the money to buy furniture for them.

My mum changed £50 a week when I lived at home.
She needed the money and I never minded paying it.

People who compare with their own I-always-had-to-pay-my-way-when-I-were-a-nipper experience might care to reflect that young people of today are going to need to save much more and for much longer for a deposit on a rented property, let alone to be considered for a mortgage. And that if they have been at university, they will already be in debt.

Hardly comparable with somebody's experience in 1982 or whenever.

When dh and I fell in love we were engaged for 10 years and saved up out of his just-above-minimum wage salary. After 10 years we were able to get a mortgage. After another 25 years on low salaries we had paid that mortgage off.

That is hardly going to happen to somebody who is in their 20s today.

Some current parents might well reflect that their children are likely to learn more about hardship and frugality than they ever had to.

I would only charge rent if I really needed to, but if by that point my mortgage is paid off and I’m comfortable then no, I wouldn’t charge but I would insist on a % of wages going into a savings account for a house deposit.

We recently moved in with the in laws to save for a mortgage, along with our three year old.

D-ILS don’t charge us rent. We food shop together and I cook for them most nights. They have no mortgage. We are very fortunate to have them and I hope to do the same for DD one day, should she need it.

I had a year out when I worked between school and university, and paid a token amount of “board”. My younger brother lived at home until he was 30, and never paid a penny, or turned a hand round the house, despite earning a good salary. Still bitter, 20 years on!

At what point does it actually cost more to have your adult child living at home? Does a 19 year old cost more than a 17 year old, for example? How much more expensive than both of those is a 22 year old?
Just in response to posters saying they can't afford to house their adult child.

I don't disagree that anyone earning should pay their way, btw. But if you can "afford" to have your non earning 16/17 year old as part of the household, what changes? Is it child allowance or benefits?

No. We saved for a house deposit!

Depends on their situation. I would be happy to allow them to live rent free as long as they were saving for a deposit. Actually, I might take the advice of one of the posters above and charge them, but invest it to use as a deposit.
I would however expect them to pay their proportion of the bills/food etc for the house but not whilst in full time education.

when i lived at home (15 years ago) they didnt need the money but took £25 a week off me. I was fine with this. then when i moved out i found they had saved it in an account and gave it back as a lump sum. I would definitely charge rent to my DDs and (if i didnt need it) give it back eventually as part of a deposit.

My parents had their own business that did really well (although they both worked long hours and damned hard to make it a success and could never delegate in the 35 years they ran it.

I had to work in the business from 12 years old to earn money for things I wanted (records and stationary!) and then when I got a job, I had to pay 40% of my wages in rent.