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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider bringing my DP with me?

349 replies

Tobringornottobring · 23/04/2018 14:24

Am meeting up with a small group of friends soon for afternoon tea and catch up.

The venue selected is about 25 miles from me; the major part of that journey is on one of the busiest motorways in the country.

I'm a relatively inexperienced driver. I use my car daily on my own but it's all town driving, with some dual carriageway. I have driven a couple of times briefly on the motorway but I've always had someone with me.

I've never driven to this place and I am apprehensive. I've offered to car share with another friend (they drive to me, then I drive) but they've said they've got some errands to run so are going early. The others going are travelling from other directions, so are further from me than the venue.

My DP doesn't have any plans and would happily accompany me in the car, or indeed drive me if I preferred (but I'd like to try the drive for my own confidence) DP gets on well with my friends but I don't want to be the person who always brings her partner along....

That said I'm really apprehensive about doing the drive on my own if I don't. Wwyd?

OP posts:
SilverySurfer · 23/04/2018 18:43

EttieKett
@SilverySurfer, my XH would. Note "X" H.

Lucky escape then Grin

Original poster
Tobringornottobring · 23/04/2018 18:48

About my insurance, without black box it would be simply unaffordable. This is because I'm a new driver and I live in a London borough. I only have a small 1 litre car. Which doesn't do much over 70 so even if I was inclined to speed I couldn't.

I do appreciate that some posters were trying to be kind and helpful, thank you. Unfortunately there have been a lot of posters sniping and taking the piss. Some of you would do well to remember none of us are born experts at anything. Lacking confidence or being apprehensive are normal reactions when you're a new driver. Telling me I shouldn't be driving or have passed my test...nice. You're quite wrong though.

The motorway I'm talking about is one friends from other parts of the country tell me they would hate using regularly - despite themselves being experienced motorway drivers. So I don't think I'm bring overly neurotic tbh.

OP posts:
LML83 · 23/04/2018 18:58

I wouldn't miss out on a catch up due to nerves, I understand why you are worried but you will be fine. Experience is what you need. The more you face it the better you will get. Most motorways are busy, always have drivers speeding and 65mph is a perfectly acceptable speed.

If you can't bring yourself to do it fair enough but practice this motorway asap to get over this otherwise you will become one of those drivers who only does a few particular journeys, that is fine but you are only getting a fraction of the freedom/benefit passing your test brings you.

Glad you have realised bringing your dp isn't an option.

bearbehind · 23/04/2018 18:59

OP, if you thread had been called 'AIBU to be nervous about driving on the M25' you'd have received a very different reaction.

The fact is, despite there being lots of other options, your first choice was to invite your DP to a get together of female only friends.

That's the reason you've had a hard time- you've come across as not willing to consider alternatives which don't involve your DP attending other than you not going either.

DoubleNegativePanda · 23/04/2018 19:05

I'm assuming you're an adult and not a teenager. Do it yourself, you'll have to at some point. You don't need a handhold.

LittlePaintBox · 23/04/2018 19:11

I still don't like merging onto the motorway after 35 years of driving, but it just has to be done if you want to get around by car.

Most driving schools do motorway driving sessions where they'll practice this with you, I'd really suggest you consider this.

SouthernComforts · 23/04/2018 19:11

I don't understand what difference a passenger makes? He can't brake for you in an emergency. If someome nearly hits you at 80, all the passenger can do is scream or yank the wheel. If you need someone to physically take the wheel when something unexpected happens then you shouldn't be driving. Screaming will just distract you further.

If you actually crash at 70 + you're in trouble, why would you want additional people in the crash?

Don't get your logic at all, sorry OP.

runsmidgeOMG · 23/04/2018 19:13

I feel sorry for the DP who's had his weekend plans made for him... I'm not sure I'd be happy joining in DH plans or having to wait Around killing time because he couldn't to merge on to a motorway Hmm

blueskyinmarch · 23/04/2018 19:16

If it is a Sunday the road is likely to be much quieter with fewer big lorries and white vans. You need to try and do the drive. Don't take your DH.

SubtitlesOn · 23/04/2018 19:23
Biscuit
SubtitlesOn · 23/04/2018 19:24

You don't seem to want help or any answers people have given you

Biscuit
sparklefarts · 23/04/2018 19:25

Why not just go early with your friend who is leaving early? Chum her on her errands? Or get her to drop you somewhere near and you can entertain yourself for a few hours

FarmingFeeding · 23/04/2018 19:30

Some of you would do well to remember none of us are born experts at anything. Lacking confidence or being apprehensive are normal reactions when you're a new driver

But the only way to gain confidence is to actually do more motorway driving. I get that it’s daunting, but you really do need to find a way to get over it. Are motorway driving lessons going to help? Because surely you’re still going to have to deal with it alone without the instructor afterwards, which is the bit you’re nervous about anyway.

I was nervous of motorways when I first passed, because I had an old banger of a car that had to be yanked into 5th gear and took quite a few attempts. But then I got a job where I had to drive via motorway, so I had lots of practice and got in with it. A few months later I was moving out of my sleepy welsh village to a county accessed via the M25 without a second thought.

PinkCalluna · 23/04/2018 19:37

I wasn’t sniping or taking the piss.

I wasn’t being nasty.

I’m genuinely concerned for your safe driving if despite daily driving you can’t cope with cars changing lanes and maintaining a safe driving distance.

Ask your DP to drive you and send him off for a walk etc.

Gets some motorway lessons when you can. Or get him to take you out to get lots of practice.

GorgonLondon · 23/04/2018 19:39

I don't drive but I've never had to miss a social event because of it, nor take someone with me. In this situation I would either

  1. Take public transport. You said it will be a 2 hour journey instead of 45 mins. Suck it up.

  2. Go with the friend who's doing other stuff and accept it will take longer.

  3. Get a lift because how can your partner be an adult, with a car, who can't amuse himself for 1-2 hours? I mean, he can read, right? You said he's 'not the type to sit with a book in a cafe or pub' - what 'type' is that?! Get the Sunday papers, get a pint/glass of wine/burger and chips/whatever, chill out.

This really isn't the problem you're making it out to be.

TheChineseChicken · 23/04/2018 19:42

Just ask your DH already!!

Original poster
Tobringornottobring · 23/04/2018 19:54

Oh come on...I've not accepted suggestions? Have you rtft?!

I've agreed i would benefit from motorway lessons
I've accepted that taking DP will go down poorly
I've agreed he could do something else while waiting for me
I've agreed that if I don't feel able to drive on my own and DP won't accompany me then I should try and rearrange or not go.

So what exactly haven't I accepted? That I'm pathetic because i don't innately feel confident to drive on a motorway having driven on a motorway 3 times previously, all of which were awful and 1 of which someone almost crashed into me? Well no, I don't agree with that.

I do plan to work on my driving experience and confidence. Hence taking on board the suggestion about lessons.

OP posts:
bearbehind · 23/04/2018 19:56

Ok, so have you asked your DP about hanging out by himself?

Are you going to the meet up?

issaflame · 23/04/2018 20:02

FGS this thread has annoyed me so much but I kept reading Confused

Just don't go tbh

BitchQueen90 · 23/04/2018 20:06

Is public transport not an option?

hereandnowtoday · 23/04/2018 20:23

What is a black box?

Why did you and your friends agree to meet somewhere you are not comfortable driving to?

Why can't you tag along with your local friend to do her errands?

Have you spoken to DP yet and researched what he could do locally?

If you raised the driving issue with your friends when discussing plans fair enough, but if you cancelled last minute on me due to this I would be bloody livid. But it sounds like this meet up isn't that important to you.

N2986 · 23/04/2018 20:28

Any verdict op? Fwiw I wouldn't be arsed if my mates dp tagged along as long as he didn't sit there awkwardly and actually chatted.

seventh · 23/04/2018 20:29

I think it's sad that so many posters are belittling me given the biggest cause of accidents in new drivers is overconfidence.

I think some posters are bemused by the fact that your DP appears potentially unable to sit in the car and read a book or listen to the radio for 3 hours

Or maybe it's just me who is bemused by this.

seventh · 23/04/2018 20:30

*FGS this thread has annoyed me so much but I kept reading 

Just don't go tbh*

@issaflame

I proper lolled at ^^ 😂

PercyPigAddict · 23/04/2018 20:42

A pp suggested this:

It’s only 25 miles. Can’t he just drop you off and you get a lift back with the friend who couldn’t take you as she was setting off early?

Isn's this the best solution? (Apologies if you've already answered it, I've only skim rtft)

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