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AIBU?

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Original poster

To consider bringing my DP with me?

349 replies

Tobringornottobring · 23/04/2018 14:24

Am meeting up with a small group of friends soon for afternoon tea and catch up.

The venue selected is about 25 miles from me; the major part of that journey is on one of the busiest motorways in the country.

I'm a relatively inexperienced driver. I use my car daily on my own but it's all town driving, with some dual carriageway. I have driven a couple of times briefly on the motorway but I've always had someone with me.

I've never driven to this place and I am apprehensive. I've offered to car share with another friend (they drive to me, then I drive) but they've said they've got some errands to run so are going early. The others going are travelling from other directions, so are further from me than the venue.

My DP doesn't have any plans and would happily accompany me in the car, or indeed drive me if I preferred (but I'd like to try the drive for my own confidence) DP gets on well with my friends but I don't want to be the person who always brings her partner along....

That said I'm really apprehensive about doing the drive on my own if I don't. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 23/04/2018 22:27

I understand op and I felt the same when I first started driving on motorways. Honestly, as a one off I'D ask your dh to come with you but do his own thing once he got there. My dh would do that for me and I'd do it for him. In fact I'd do it for a close friend too. It's important not to feel stressed when you're driving a high speed and cannot stop.

tinyme77 · 23/04/2018 22:29

He can drive you but has to entertain himself while you catch up with friends.

opionated · 23/04/2018 22:39

to be honest busy motarways are not a problem just go in the slow lane if your nervous but im suprised no one said there always the option of using other non motorway roads to get there and i assume its not the m25 from your op if its the m27 it can be busy at rush hour

TotHappy · 23/04/2018 23:00

Shock really, PluckedPencil? She's nervous of driving on motorways and you think that will help?

flubdub · 24/04/2018 02:03

@opionated
They have. The OP didn't like that road either Confused

ReturnofSaturn · 24/04/2018 04:18

This has got to be one of the most pathetic things ive heard in a long time.

AntipodeanOpalEye · 24/04/2018 04:33

OP if you're this much hard work and require ongoing hand-holding then I'm not surprised that the friend you just assumed would be free to car share with you has found a reason not too. You do come across on this thread as draining, offering every reason under the sun why you can't drive alone on the motorway. Frankly if this "can't do" attitude strays over into other aspects of your social life then maybe you won't have to worry about dragging your DP around like handbag to your catch-ups you'll be discreetly sidelined.

CherryBlossomSeason · 24/04/2018 05:20

Part of me wants to say go very early and slowly but I think you'd be a danger if you were to try it for this meet up. You sound jumpy. Yes you would benefit from motorway lessons etc but if you tried to be brave it sounds like you'd have a massive panic and no one needs that.

Can you think of anything that would make you feel ok about going it alone?

If you were able to watch footage of someone driving the route for example? Some people put this stuff on YouTube etc so worth a google?

Long term the only way over it is to do it. I know people who won't go outside of where they know, where they would have been taken learning to drive and it's so limiting. Not doing motorways is like having half a licence.

I know someone there is a comfort, like an instructor as they can tell you what to do should a situation arise. But you really DONT want anyone with you should "another car drive into you"

It's a shame you can't book a motorway lesson for this particular journey with an instructor and dual control on the day!

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/04/2018 05:22

I don’t think you should just be putting your big girl pants on and just doing it. I for one would rather not have you on the motorway driving near me until you feel confident enough to drive on it. As a pp said, nervous drivers do strange things and at speed, this can be incredibly dangerous. If your dp is a good driver, sitting and observing how he drives is also good experience.

huha · 24/04/2018 05:29

You have seriously over dramatized the M25....

🙄Biscuit

FarmingFeeding · 24/04/2018 06:06

I asked DH what he’d do if I asked him to accompany me on a journey because I was too scared to drive it myself, and then wait around while I had a nice time without him - he said he’d sell my car because I obviously wasn’t fit to drive Grin

MrsDilber · 24/04/2018 06:35

I wouldn't take DP and I don't think it's fair on your friends to.

It is only a road, you'll be fine, if dp has to drive you, ask him to do something else whilst you meet up.

Etymology23 · 24/04/2018 06:38

I used to be super super nervous driving on motorways and I really didn’t like the M25 either. The first time I drove on a motorway my boot popped open, so I had to stop on the hard shoulder to shut it!

I am less nervous now I have a sat nav which accurately tells me my speed: depending on the car speedos can over-read by up to 10% (they aren’t allowed to under read), so 65mph per the speedo could be as little as 58.5mph. This might give you a lot more room for manoeuvre in terms of a bit of give/take at junctions. I sometimes just pootle along behind a lorry if I’m feeling stressed - keeps me out of the way.

I hope you manage to make the relevant arrangements to enjoy your lovely tea!

Original poster
Tobringornottobring · 24/04/2018 06:58

Well farming I'm glad my DP isn't the sort of ignorant bully who would presume to sell I car I've bought and paid for because I'm understandably nervous about motorway driving.

To people who don't get it read Mrskoalas posts which explain actually why womaning up and just doing this drive may well not be a good idea. Also Xmasbaby, you've also hit the nail on the head. I cant stop once I'm on the motorway. Yes I get that I can come off at the next junction etc but that's no help if I get into a panic. The reason to have someone with me, I'm less likely to panic and if I do, then they're a calming influence. Last time when the car basically was inches from me, DP was really good at reassuring me I'd done nothing wrong (the other driver beeped me) and that I was driving well. Had I been on my own that would have damaged my small amount of driving confidence even more. And I probably would have got upset.

The fact some of you feel the need to call me pathetic, a wuss, I'm hard work, well that says more about you than me. Like I said I'm not good at this yet. I'm perfectly competent at town driving though, i can reverse and parallel park (which quite a few people I know struggle with). I'm planning on getting a better car later this year when my premiums decrease a bit and I do think that plus some lesson practice will help . That's a longer term plan though.

OP posts:
bearbehind · 24/04/2018 07:47

So have you sorted how you’re going to attend this meet up OP?

FleurDelacoeur · 24/04/2018 07:57

less likely to panic
if I get into a panic
I'm not good at this

In that case you shouldn't be on the motorway. You're a danger to other road users. Don't go to the meeting. Save the money for motorway lessons.

MakeMineALarge1 · 24/04/2018 08:12

Agree with the others, don't take him, don't be that one.

Go for a practice run first if you want with your partner, but the only way you will improve, gain confidence on a motorway, is to drive on one.

MakeMineALarge1 · 24/04/2018 08:18

But having read your updates, I agree with Fleur!

MargaretCavendish · 24/04/2018 08:27

I can't imagine saying no (or dh saying no) if i were completely free that day. I'm assuming the OP has no kids in which case their time is pretty much their own. Would people really not care about their partner (or anyone - i'd give up an afternoon for a most people i know to do something like this) enough to give up a few hours and spend them idly reading/watching a film/snoozing.

Even though I don't currently have any children and so my time is endless and worthless Hmm I would consider this a pretty massive favour - I'd do it for a good reason, but I'd put it on a par with collecting someone from a faraway airport or something - it's really quite inconvenient, there are a million other ways I'd rather spend a Sunday afternoon, sitting in the car for hours is very uncomfortable and while going to sit in a pub (while not drinking!) is better, if I'm going to sit and read a book I'd rather do it in my quiet comfortable home, and if I'm going to watch a film I'd rather do it with a proper screen and no headphones... As I say, I'd do it, but I would expect it to be recognised as a big favour and would be furious if it was presented as some sort of lovely treat for me to have this 'afternoon to myself' imposed on me

MarthasGinYard · 24/04/2018 08:30

Can't believe you'd even entertain him sitting there with your friends. I'd be well poised off.

I wouldn't expect friends to change venue either.

I didn't get a choice with motorway driving just had to crack on.

Maybe cancel

MarthasGinYard · 24/04/2018 08:32

Margaret

Quite

MarthasGinYard · 24/04/2018 08:34

'OP if you're this much hard work and require ongoing hand-holding then I'm not surprised that the friend you just assumed would be free to car share with you has found a reason not too.'

Hhmmm I wondered if friend really had any errands....

coffeeforone · 24/04/2018 08:39

I'm perfectly competent at town driving though

Are you confident at town driving OP, would you get upset if someone beeped you?

What happened to you before on a motorway is very rare. I travel about 700 miles fortnightly on the M1/M25/A1, and honestly cars don’t really beep or get very close to you at high speed (not inches!). It’s all quite civil compared to town driving no conflicts. As long as drivers stay in the correct lane for their speed, and even then it’s only a flash/quick glance!

I think your bad experience is putting you off but please just do a few stretches of driving at a quiet time and you’ll realise it’s a smooth drive!

KERALA1 · 24/04/2018 08:40

Town driving is trickier than motorways if you can do that you can do motorways

UniversalAunt · 24/04/2018 08:48

Get a cab.