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Original poster

"Drinks rule" is silly or am I being sensitive?

236 replies

KungFuPandaWorks · 22/04/2018 16:16

Hi!
Lost my login to my old account but made a very similar name for this account, So hopefully a few will recognise me.

(Quick run down. Sister kicked niece out over sister's new boyfriend is the crux of it)

In the last 6 weeks, my sister has suddenly wanted a relationship with niece. ( coincidental the reconciliation happened around the birth of baby number 7)
Last night niece went and stayed for the first time since her mum kicking her out, obviously I was wary because my sister is still with her partner who is a dick.

Niece has not long been back, hasn't slept all night because she was helping with the baby (which she says she didnt mind) But a few things stuck out too me, maybe I'm being over sensitive because of the previous situation but I would like opinions.

  • a 3 drink rule was put in place. She was only allowed 3 drinks when there (water was included in this) because she can't be drinking all the people's drinks who lives there Hmm
  • everytime she mentioned me, my child or pregnancy it was made clear by the boyfriend he doesn't want me being mentioned.
  • she wasn't allowed a shower or bath because she doesn't live there anymore
  • when she was playing with the younger siblings he told her too stop it and go and look after the new baby because that's why she is there.
  • Made it obvious he didnt want her there.
  • (not really on the best grounds with my sister but it's improved) I got a text about 40 minutes after niece came home, apparently from sister. Asking if neice is planning on making staying over a regular thing, could I start contributing something for when she stays and explain that she must listen,follow and respect what (boyfriends name) says.

She is so excited that her mum is allowing her back around the house and near her siblings, but Im just worried the boyfriend is setting her up to fail. Are the above "rules" Ok? Or am I just being a bitch and not giving him the benefit of the doubt because of last time.

OP posts:
DinahMo · 22/04/2018 16:32

Bloody hell. Do you have legal responsibility for your niece? I wouldn’t allow her to go back there if that is how she is treated. Your sister kicked her 11 year old daughter out? And she has six younger siblings? It sounds like they all need social services support. What a sad situation.

mimibunz · 22/04/2018 16:34

Where does the child/niece live when she isn’t being used as a babysitter by her mum? The bf doesn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt. He deserves to be doing a stretch, along with the mother, for child abuse.

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/04/2018 16:35

Totally insane. You questioning how mad it all is shows how used to your sister and her bf’s dysfunction you are, which isn’t your fault, but it’s good you’ve asked what others think. Bat. Shit. That poor poor child.

If your sister wants to see her, it should be out of the house, away from any expectation of chores or babysitting, away from dick head bf. But for now, though not sure how difficult it will be, keep her away from these horrendous people.

Where’s her dad in all this?

Bi11yOneMate · 22/04/2018 16:36

Abusive

IntelligentYetIndecisive · 22/04/2018 16:37

Call Social Services.

The fact you have to ask suggests you're used to being treated badly too.

She's 11 FGS.

Where has she been staying all this time?

Cagliostro · 22/04/2018 16:37

Fucking hell. I think I remember a thread you posted under old name? Can’t remember details but seems familiar. I’m sorry it is all so fraught, poor thing :(

mummymeister · 22/04/2018 16:38

Honestly I am lost for words. your poor niece. she is lucky to have you around to shout her corner for you but really SS have to get involved with her family because this has all sorts of weird written all over it I am afraid.

so many questions, like who kicks an 11 yr old out? how are you affording to look after her etc.

please make your guardianship of her official and then you have the control over where she goes and when and not this horror of a mother. they just want her as a babysitter and general mothers help and they want you to pay for it.

snop · 22/04/2018 16:38

This is definitely not ok, three drink rule. This has to be abuse

TERFragetteCity · 22/04/2018 16:38

JFC. No!

steff13 · 22/04/2018 16:39

Asking if neice is planning on making staying over a regular thing, could I start contributing something for when she stays

Your sister wants you to pay her to care for her own child?! This whole situation is insane. Just keep the kid with you. Is the boyfriend the father of the other 6 (!) kids?

Dancingmonkey87 · 22/04/2018 16:40

Please don’t allow her to return there.

Pengggwn · 22/04/2018 16:41

Absolutely disgusting.

Why are they asking you for money?!

newtlover · 22/04/2018 16:41

yes, that's abusive, and yes, it's sad that you have to ask (not blaming you) and yes, you should involve social services, and formalise your fostering of your neice, thanks goodness she has you.
I would lay money that new bf is behind this and also that he is abusing and controlling your sister.

KurriKurri · 22/04/2018 16:42

Where did this child go when her mother kicked her out ?
I would contact social services - this sounds like a very nasty situation for you DNeice - the new boyfriends sounds appalling.

She shouldn't be looking after the new baby.
She's not allowed drinks (how can her having water be taking other people's drinks?)
She's not allowed to shpwer or bathe.

All totally unacceptable. I would want that little girl out of there right now. her mother and the boyfriend sound comletely incompetent to be in charge of children. Boyfriend sounds abusive, I would be worried for her safety.

CombineBananaFister · 22/04/2018 16:42

Not good. Sad did you post about the original circumstances op? This sounds familiar and she is very lucky to have you in her life. Doesn't sound like she's going to get anything genuine out of this new contact with her mum, she's just being used.

HannahHut · 22/04/2018 16:43

Wow, when I read the title I thought you were going to be talking about a rule my DF had - we were allowed one fizzy drink when with him and the rest of the time water.

I didn't think anyone would limit all drinks including water, that's absolutely ridiculous! What did your niece say to the comment about the only reason she is there is to help with the baby?

LemonSqueezy0 · 22/04/2018 16:43

No. You need to protect her from this. Poor little dab.

yawning801 · 22/04/2018 16:43

No. OP, listen to the crowd. You're not being sensitive, this is textbook abuse - emotional too. Who on Earth deprives their child of hydration, contact with siblings and wants payment for having her over? Call Social Services and get those children out of there before your sister and boyfriend do anything else to them. Your sister's boyfriend is a controlling, narcissistic arsehole. Please call Social Services, for the good of your niece and her siblings.

newtlover · 22/04/2018 16:43

what's the betting they are stiull getting CB and/or CTC and suddenly start to show an interest when they see they may lose it if OPs fostering becomes official

ArcheryAnnie · 22/04/2018 16:43

Oh, OP this is so awful. Your sister isn't building bridges with her daughter, she and her godawful boyfriend have realised they have a potential slave on tap.

Please, please ring the NSPCC 24 hour advice line on 0808 800 5000 and tell them what the situation is, and ask for their advice. They will understand your situation and give you the best advice they can.

I am so glad your niece has you to look out for her.

KurriKurri · 22/04/2018 16:44

Apologies - I see you are fostering your neice. Yes get it made a formal arrangement then the parents will presumably be subject to some checking.

Penfold007 · 22/04/2018 16:44

Echoing the above posts, Social Services need to be involved. Are you now in receipt of Child Benefit for your DN?

babydreamer1 · 22/04/2018 16:45

Limiting water and not allowing her to have a wash and demanding she look after a baby is child abuse. You need to explain to her that these things are not ok and not how a child should be treated and until they change she can't go to the house. I'd involve social services so that they can keep an eye on the other children also.

StrugglingMumma · 22/04/2018 16:45

I was expecting you to say she was 16-17 years old. Your poor niece. Are social services involved?

GreenEyedGoose · 22/04/2018 16:46

This is really sad, your poor niece Sad

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