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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to this meal?

165 replies

HopefullyAnonymous · 22/04/2018 09:09

We are booked to go for a family meal for DHs gran’s birthday today, full extended family event. Have just seen on social media that my niece has come down with the dreaded pox, however they are still planning on coming to the meal.

My DCs haven’t had chicken pox yet. I’m currently working away during the week and only home for weekends, and DH struggles to take time off work so childcare is delicately balanced. We can’t affort for them to have the time off school at the moment.

I’ve said the children won’t be coming to the meal now, although DH can obviously still go. MIL has absolutely hit the roof and thinks I’m being ridiculous. Am I?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 22/04/2018 09:10

Your niece’s parents are the ridiculous ones for taking her out in public while she’s infectious.

sauvignonblancplz · 22/04/2018 09:11

No definitely not. While you can’t avoid catching chicken pox in school etc when you’ve been told that someone will have it you will naturally avoid that area.
Is is in a restaurant? That’s quite selfish if so.

Nanny0gg · 22/04/2018 09:12

If your niece has only just come down with it then they are being beyond unreasonable and very selfish.
If she's had it a while and scabbed over there isn't a problem.

Do what is best for you and ignore MiL.

JugglingMummyof2 · 22/04/2018 09:12

No you are not unless DN's pox are all scabbed over. I do not know why people feel it is ok to being ill children out to social events to infect their family and friends.

snewname · 22/04/2018 09:15

They shouldn't be in a restaurant where pregnant women or immune suppressed people may be. At home it's their choice. But it's also your choice if you want your dc to be in contact. Being at an inconvenient time to come down with it is a valid reason not to.

BrutusMcDogface · 22/04/2018 09:16

If she's only just come down with it, then they are breathtakingly selfish and very unreasonable. How dare they knowingly and willingly expose their family to chicken pox?! Presumably as it's a gran's birthday there will be elderly people there too. What a selfish twat. Yadnbu.

MarthasGinYard · 22/04/2018 09:16

Yanbu

I wouldn't even entertain it.

Pox dc should stay away. Selfish parents.

Lizzie48 · 22/04/2018 09:17

You're not being unreasonable at all, they are, and also very irresponsible and selfish. If the family meal will be taking place in a restaurant they're being doubly so. Unless your DNiece's spots have scabbed over.

ZenNudist · 22/04/2018 09:17

I think you should say something to put them off coming. CP is really contagious. You only need to be in a room for 15 mins to catch it. Not everyone has immunity and it can be very serious for vulnerable people. Pregnant women, the elderly etc.

Also if you can't afford time for your dc to be sick why put yourself up for it?

sonjadog · 22/04/2018 09:18

I'm very relaxed about these things in general, but even I wouldn't go in this case!

Original poster
HopefullyAnonymous · 22/04/2018 09:26

The spots only started to appear on Friday so she’s definitely still contagious. Yes, the meal is in a restaurant. It’s a surprise for DHs gran as it’s a significant birthday, so MIL wants everyone there. Not my problem!

OP posts:
Uniglo18 · 22/04/2018 09:27

I'd play it another way, I'd say tell the pox family that I wouldn't want to expose grandma to chicken pox. You don't know what complications it would cause to someone of her age. Imagine if she caught chicken pox from their dd, how awkward blah, blah etc.

Or you call the restaurant and say there is a member of x booking party with chicken pox. Hopefully, the restaurant should refuse them entry once you emphasise the infectious disease bit.

Crunchymum · 22/04/2018 09:29

Surely the non blood relative of gran (so either your DH BIL or SIL) stays home with the kid who has chicken pox?

alleypalley · 22/04/2018 09:30

There’s someone, actually a couple of people being ridiculous here but it’s certainly not you.

Crunchymum · 22/04/2018 09:31

Sorry pressed post too soon.

Get your DH to have a word with his sibling.

If they still intend to go, I would keep my kids at home.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/04/2018 09:34

How ridiculous. I take it your BIL and SIL know their DD is still contagious?

DrSeuss · 22/04/2018 09:38

I'd point out that giving Grandma chicken pox might make this her last birthday! How unbelievably stupid! How do they know who else will be in the restaurant? How do they know that no one there, staff or customers, is pregnant or has a weakened immune system?

Original poster
HopefullyAnonymous · 22/04/2018 09:39

Yes it would make sense for someone to stay at home with DN, but MIL has told them they are fine to come as she wants everyone there. DH has pointed out to MIL that it’s a potential risk for the elderlies but she’s a bit blinded I think by the fact that it’s a surprise that she’s gone to effort to organise.

OP posts:
PitilessYank · 22/04/2018 09:39

Wouldn't your children have had the chicken pox vaccine by now?

happystory · 22/04/2018 09:41

They are beyond selfish. Will they be sending her to school tomorrow? Cos if the spots are visible she'll be sent home...

ButchyRestingFace · 22/04/2018 09:41

Surely if she's spotty the restaurant will turn her away? That'll really put a dampener on Grandma's birthday.

Original poster
HopefullyAnonymous · 22/04/2018 09:42

School not at issue as she’s only 1!

No, my children have not been vaccinated. This is not a standard vaccine that I’m aware of!

OP posts:
PineappleYum · 22/04/2018 09:45

Your niece’s parents are the ridiculous ones for taking her out in public while she’s infectious.

^This, and your MIL.

Get your DC vaccinated.

blackteasplease · 22/04/2018 09:46

It's not a standard vaccine in UK pitilessyank. Your name suggest you are from us where I believe it is.

ButchyRestingFace · 22/04/2018 09:46

School not at issue as she’s only 1!

That's even more absurd then. She won't remember any of it and would probably sleep or cry through most of the event.