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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to this meal?

165 replies

HopefullyAnonymous · 22/04/2018 09:09

We are booked to go for a family meal for DHs gran’s birthday today, full extended family event. Have just seen on social media that my niece has come down with the dreaded pox, however they are still planning on coming to the meal.

My DCs haven’t had chicken pox yet. I’m currently working away during the week and only home for weekends, and DH struggles to take time off work so childcare is delicately balanced. We can’t affort for them to have the time off school at the moment.

I’ve said the children won’t be coming to the meal now, although DH can obviously still go. MIL has absolutely hit the roof and thinks I’m being ridiculous. Am I?

OP posts:
Motoko · 22/04/2018 18:46

Oh god, so even then she didn't admit she was wrong! Sorry you've got a mum like that Hygge.

Original poster
HopefullyAnonymous · 22/04/2018 21:12

We didn’t go; as far as we knew SIL was still planning to take DN. They didn’t go in the end either as DN is actually very under the weather, surprise surprise, so MIL is fuming with us now for ruining the meal as she still thinks we should have gone regardless Hmm

It’s not the first time I’ve annoyed her by standing my ground - I’ll survive!

OP posts:
CadyHeron · 22/04/2018 21:17

Not read all the replies,but the meal's in a restaurant and they've got chicken pox?! Angry
You're not the unreasonable one here. The utterly selfish, ignorant family members going along with the meal with pox are.
How do they know there's going to be no-one in the restaurant that could suffer as a result of their twattishness? Ie, immune compromised people etc who could be seriously ill by coming into contact.

2andcountingtodate · 22/04/2018 21:33

How selfish, your mil and dn parents. If they are fine with risking pregnant women, children, adults and the elderly then i wouldnt want anything to do with them anyway. To be so cavalier with other peoples health, i wouldnt trust with my dcs.

BlackberryandNettle · 22/04/2018 22:12

Thank goodness they didn't go though - no surprise to hear that dn was too unwell, chicken pox is horrible!

Troels · 22/04/2018 22:16

You have some idiots for inlaws, MIL is mad at you because BIL decided not to come and never informed you, so you could go after all, meaning lots of people were missing. MIL needs to direct her anger in the direction of her other son.

Motoko · 22/04/2018 22:36

Thanks for the update. I'm glad they didn't go in the end. I hope your little niece is feeling better soon, but it's a shame they didn't let you know so that you could go after all.

Good for you standing your ground.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/04/2018 05:33

I’m assuming your mil organised the event. In which case, she should have managed the situation better instead of passive aggressively expecting you to put your children at risk. You were set up to fail. Damned if you do, don’t.

sentMai · 23/04/2018 05:39

Very stupid and thoughtless behaviour.

I assume your DH's gran is quite old; chicken pox can be serious.

You're being entirely reasonable.

captainBligh · 23/04/2018 05:40

I didn't see the update.

MiL sounds like a pain in the arse over this.

HoppingPavlova · 23/04/2018 06:03

We have the chickenpox vaccine here on the schedule. Kids can and do still catch chickenpox however it's not nearly as bad as if they had not have had the vaccine. So similar to whooping cough in that regard.

RhurbabAndCustard · 23/04/2018 06:30

It's irresponsible by your relatives. You are not in the wrong

However you can't catch shingles from CP so don't use that card

Also get your kids vaccinated. I've spent years waiting for my DS to catch CP but now I've decided he's having the vaccination. It's £100 for both doses here.

summerinthecountry · 23/04/2018 06:42

Quite apart from anything the grandma could end up getting shingles, totally ridiculous to bring a child who likely to be turned away anyway.

I would confirm with MIL that this is not a good moment for dd to get chicken pox due to you being away, and it is very infectious. Dh will be there but you will both be at home, and to let you know if anything changes.

You can get vaccinated privately here if you want to, but it is not standard on the NHS. I suggest you do this for your dd if you want to avoid it altogether.

ToesInWater · 23/04/2018 06:54

I'd be tempted to call the restaurant tbh. It's beyond selfish to bring an infectious person into a confined space, who knows how many other patrons might be in a vulnerable state.

sentMai · 23/04/2018 06:56

"Quite apart from anything the grandma could end up getting shingles"

No. That's nonsense.

www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/2585.aspx?CategoryID=200

RhurbabAndCustard · 23/04/2018 14:30

That's correct. You can't catch shingles from CP. but you can give CP to someone if you've got shingles.

Katherine2626 · 23/04/2018 17:38

That's really so irresponsible - how will they feel if the Gran gets shingles? Chicken pox in an adult can also be a very serious illness.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/04/2018 17:40

RTFT. OP didn’t go and neither did poorly niece.

Sparklyglitter · 23/04/2018 17:43

Ridiculous to bring an infectious child out in a public place! Just because in most cases chicken pox isn’t very harmful it can have serious complications for some. I was told by my health visitor when pregnant not to risk being around kids with chicken pox, she said if you don’t have to it’s not worth the risk however small! Hope you stuck to your guns!!!

pigsDOfly · 23/04/2018 17:54

Gran won't get shingles from being in contact with CP but if she gets CP it could kill her. Are they aware of this?

Are they aware that if there's a pregnant women in the restaurant who has no immunity to CP the woman's baby could die as a result of their actions? Also add to that any person who has low immunity who could also die if they catch it.

Your MIL and the child's parents need to be told how bloody selfish and stupid they are being.

pigsDOfly · 23/04/2018 17:56

Oops just realised this was yesterday and they didn't go.

DaisyFlower161 · 23/04/2018 17:58

I don't know whether this is true or not but my GP told us when one of mine had CP that they are actually infectious until the last spot has dropped off, not when the spots come out. I agree with other posters I would go directly to the family and talk to them. MIL should know better!!

LilQueenie · 23/04/2018 17:58

don't forget its still possible to get the pox more than once. Especially if run down or ill.

Devora13 · 23/04/2018 17:58

Well if your mother in law wouldn't mind taking over the child care should they get chicken pox and need to take time off school...

Nousernamefound · 23/04/2018 18:27

Actually not contagious once spots have come out so your children should be fine. Also they may well catch it from someone elsewhere. I wouldn’t worry.