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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to this meal?

165 replies

HopefullyAnonymous · 22/04/2018 09:09

We are booked to go for a family meal for DHs gran’s birthday today, full extended family event. Have just seen on social media that my niece has come down with the dreaded pox, however they are still planning on coming to the meal.

My DCs haven’t had chicken pox yet. I’m currently working away during the week and only home for weekends, and DH struggles to take time off work so childcare is delicately balanced. We can’t affort for them to have the time off school at the moment.

I’ve said the children won’t be coming to the meal now, although DH can obviously still go. MIL has absolutely hit the roof and thinks I’m being ridiculous. Am I?

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 22/04/2018 09:46

To take her to a restaurant is really selfish (and they might not allow her in) it must be hard for your mil but your niece should stay at home

Pitilessyank the uk doesn’t vaccinate against chicken pox unless you go privately

CookieSue222 · 22/04/2018 09:47

Errr.... Live chicken pox - (presumably) elderly Grandma. Shingles anyone?????
Can't believe your in-laws would be so selfish as to expose an elderly relative to an extremely painful and debilitating condition. That is just so wrong.

PineappleYum · 22/04/2018 09:47

It's not a standard vaccine in the UK, but is is many other countries. In the UK you have to pay for it, about £60 in Boots or Superdrug.

blackteasplease · 22/04/2018 09:48

In answer to the question you are not ridiculous but the parents of dn and your mil are. Not only might she pass it on to people who really can't be getting It, but I imagine the child is too ill to be there herself!

OrchidInTheSun · 22/04/2018 09:48

I'd call the restaurant and tell them that they're bringing an infectious child. Selfish idiots.

YANBU in the slightest

jay55 · 22/04/2018 09:49

Bloody mean to cart a kid with chicken pox out to a restaurant.

Hissy · 22/04/2018 09:49

Your dh can very easily bring it back with him, don’t any of you go.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 22/04/2018 09:50

I agree inform the restaurant - and make sure you are busy when they send out requests to care for an infirm gran!

blackteasplease · 22/04/2018 09:50

I did vaccine ds though because 1. I was self employed at the time in a job where once you've started something you really can't take any time off and 2. dd was so very ill with it I'd rather not put him through it.

blackteasplease · 22/04/2018 09:51

I'm not sure the dh can bring it back with him. I thought you had to be able to catch it for that.

Unless he gets some chicken pox puss on his clothes, comes home and rubs it on you child I guess.

Grobagsforever · 22/04/2018 09:52

@Hissy - OP's DH can't 'bring it back' unless he's not had it himself.

YippeeTipTap · 22/04/2018 09:53

Surely she can’t argue with NHS advice which includes
DONT be around pregnant women, newborn babies and people with a weakened immune system, as it can be dangerous for them

Time to start sending out some informative emails. To be fair to them I think people used to be far more relaxed (selfish?) about chickenpox so maybe they just don’t realize.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 22/04/2018 09:54

OP, you or your DH really need to make it clear to your MIL how dangerous chicken pox can be. Especially for the elderly, pregnant and immune supressed. It could kill DHs gran if she caught it. Not to mention the other poor customers in the restaurant. A woman on here posted the other day that she had a stillbirth as a result of contracting chicken pox when pregnant and another woman had lost her husband. Please, please beg the family member direct not to come. It is so horribly selfish of them.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 22/04/2018 09:55

Yes, any of the adults, could get Shingles, very unpleasant and painful.
It's very ignorant or selfish of them, to take their daughter to the restaurant, under these circumstances.
You are right, not to attend.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 22/04/2018 09:57

She's being unreasonable and incredibly selfish (especially to other patrons who will be unaware there is an infected person in the venue), but I do suggest you pay to vaccinate OP. It is chicken pox season and you are running a risk otherwise. Also, it's just better not to get the pox.

Returnofthesmileybar · 22/04/2018 09:59

CookieSue you cannot catch shingles from someone with chicken pox.

Yanbu op, keep the kids away, your in-laws are being massively unreasonable and selfish

BalloonSlayer · 22/04/2018 10:01

Apparently the theory that you get shingles if you catch chicken pox twice is rubbish. Shingles is caused by the dormant chicken pox virus flaring up when you are run down/elderly/stressed. (However, my Mum has had shingles twice - once when we all had chicken pox, granted she must have been stressed nursing three sick children, and once again last year after her DGGD had visited while she had chicken pox, when Mum wasn't stressed at all.)

OP, as someone who knows a child who nearly died from CP, I would go ballistic at this.

SunnyCoco · 22/04/2018 10:03

OP you are totally in the right

But as you can’t afford for them to get the chicken pox I would strongly recommend you get your kids vaccinated. About £60 per dose, two doses needed.

CocoaGin · 22/04/2018 10:03

I would tell them they're being highly irresponsible.

My DD was hospitalised with chickenpox. She had blisters in her ears, mouth, groin and all got infected. She couldn't feed (6 months old) and ended up being sedated and tube fed. It was horrific.

Rawhh · 22/04/2018 10:03

When I worked as a hotel manager I told a family with a poxxy child that they couldn't diner. They kicked off and cancelled the table of 10. I didn't care I wasn't putting my other guests at risk or my waiting staff who could be in the early stages of pregnancy and not wanting to tell me.

YippeeTipTap · 22/04/2018 10:09

I’ve mentioned this before on Mumsnet but i think it’s worth telling again.

It’s about ten years ago now but my husband caught chicken pox from our kids. He was really, really ill. His Mum thought he had had it as a kid but apparently not. A friends husband also contracted it during the same outbreak and he ended up in a wheelchair for 6 months. Fortunately he made a full recovery. The point is that there are adults around who haven’t had chickenpox and if they get it it can be really really bad.

Littlebelina · 22/04/2018 10:10

You can catch chicken pox from shingles (although not easily) but not shingles from chicken pox so Grandma is only at risk if she hasn't had pox or has a weakened immune system (at which pt she could get pox again and it could kill her).

Yanbu op your MIL is.

If time off work is difficult consider getting the vaccine privately though as your DC will almost certainly get it at some point and if they avoid it in childhood it can be really nasty as an adult. I wish we had the mmrv in the UK.

Uniglo18 · 22/04/2018 10:10

www.nhs.uk/conditions/chickenpox/

Send everybody who has been invited to the party the above link.

Nanny0gg · 22/04/2018 10:13

Yes your DH needs to have strong words with his sibling and his mother.

And if I was Grandma and one of my DGGC rocked up with CP I wouldn't be very impressed. That would be a surprise I could do without.

sothisisspring · 22/04/2018 10:13

They are being completely unreasonable, I know a child who had a life threatening reaction to CP, hence why most other developed countries vaccinate against it. While for most its a minor inconvenience it can cause life long disability or death. I would speak to family again and if they insist they are still going then inform the restaurant.

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