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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to this meal?

165 replies

HopefullyAnonymous · 22/04/2018 09:09

We are booked to go for a family meal for DHs gran’s birthday today, full extended family event. Have just seen on social media that my niece has come down with the dreaded pox, however they are still planning on coming to the meal.

My DCs haven’t had chicken pox yet. I’m currently working away during the week and only home for weekends, and DH struggles to take time off work so childcare is delicately balanced. We can’t affort for them to have the time off school at the moment.

I’ve said the children won’t be coming to the meal now, although DH can obviously still go. MIL has absolutely hit the roof and thinks I’m being ridiculous. Am I?

OP posts:
MumofBoysx2 · 23/04/2018 18:29

Why on earth is she not keeping her indoors? It's extremely selfish as chicken pox can be dangerous to certain people, like pregnant women. I think people need to put pressure on her not to go. It's wrong to take her to a public place.

MumofBoysx2 · 23/04/2018 18:30

They are contagious, until the spots have crusted over, not just when they come out.

shoesarefab · 23/04/2018 18:33

I had this happen to me! At least they’ve given you the heads up. One of my cousins turned up to a family party and her kid had chicken pox, she hadn’t told anyone. My eldest then came out with it on Christmas Eve. I was absolutely fuming.

Helentad · 23/04/2018 18:36

The parents are being very selfish and creating an extremely dangerous situation. I have Addison’s disease and other immune conditions and if I were eating on that restaurant I could catch the pox and become seriously and I do mean seriously ill as in life threatening. They definitely should not be taking a pox infected child anywhere. They should have more respect and responsibility for the health of other people.

cheval · 23/04/2018 18:52

You can catch chicken pox twice. Can be very serious for elderly, develop into shIngles. Why would they expose the granparents to that? Also for your little one. Ridiculous behaviour by the parents and as for your mil....

Willow2017 · 23/04/2018 18:52

Actually not contagious once spots have come out so your children should be fine. Also they may well catch it from someone elsewhere. I wouldn’t worry

What nonsense! Where did you learn this?
They are very contagious until all spots are crusted over.

Have your kids had them? I wonder how many people you infected if you think this!

Nanny0gg · 23/04/2018 19:28

@Nousernamefound

You couldn't be more wrong.

Good job none of them went.

pigsDOfly · 23/04/2018 19:33

There's an awful lot of misinformation on this thread.

pigsDOfly · 23/04/2018 19:33

That wasn't aimed at you NannyOgg

Teddyinglasses · 23/04/2018 19:49

I'm on chemo, have been for a few years, my immune system is severely compromised, I would be absolutely furious if I caught something from someone so bloody selfish as to take their infectious offspring out to a restaurant, not only could it make me ill but it could put me in hospital or worse still it could kill me. Not only that but I can't imagine that the child herself would be having that much fun.

Mypyjamasarebaggy · 23/04/2018 19:50

CP is IMHO not a benign childhood illness. I think it’s nuts we don’t vaccinate routinely the UK and had my daughter vaccinated at a private clinic. I’ve worked in ITU and saw the father of a 5 year old die from CP infection caught sadly from his own child. The child was old enough to be aware Daddy had caught it from her, devastating.

Adults can also get vaccinated so if you haven’t had it go & get it!

The parents of the affected child are either ignorant of the risks to others, unfeasably selfish or being heavily pressurised by MIL. Call them out on it for everyone’s sake.

bonbonlavie · 23/04/2018 19:54

@helentad

I have a close relative with Addison’s Disease....can I pick your brains? If you’ve already had chicken pox and you come into contact is it still a danger because of the hydrocortisone/fludrocortisone?

Helentad · 23/04/2018 19:57

Yes it’s still dangerous as you can get it more than once but you can also get secondary things like scarletina (sorry spelt wrong).

Nousernamefound · 23/04/2018 19:59

@Willow2017 my children have both had it yes, many years ago, and caught it at nursery or just being around other children. This was the information I was given way back when, so apologies if this is incorrect, but I’m sure nobody has become infected as a result. And as I’m not a Dr just an ordinary person then I’m sure if anyone is unsure they’d check with a Dr or pharmacist rather just some random stranger on here. Don’t get your knickers in a twist!

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 23/04/2018 20:06

It is incorrect
Very incorrect
And you have no way of knowing how many people your children infected
Having seen people die from chicken pox pneumonia I can only say that anyone who minimises the risks of chicken pox really are selfish and ignorant

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 23/04/2018 20:13

Don’t get your knickers in a twist!

You gave out potentially lethal advice and this is your response? Your ignorance deserved a SINCERE apology.

Willow2017 · 23/04/2018 20:31

You are encouraging people to take thier kids to see infected children.
You are potentially encouraging people to take infectious children into restaurants to infect other customers which could be devastatingly to thier health and you are telling me to not get my knickers in a twist?

You have no idea how many people your kids infected. The mere fact your kids caught it just from being around infected kids is a bit of a clue as to how it spreads.

You posted your info as fact yet you didnt bother to check if it was actually true or not.

Abbylee · 23/04/2018 20:57

I looked up deaths by chicken pox pneumonia and it's .4%/10k. According to the Medline site.

I am very happy that my dc had chicken pox bc i believe it's better for them than vaccinations. The vaccinations wear out at about the time my dd could be considering becoming pregnant. The difficulties due to chicken pox while pregnant are significant.

Diseases are horrible, life interruptions are awful but birth defects are worst.

Modern medicine is often worse than disease. I know 3 women who are brain damaged bc of oral steroids and I have a very small circle of friends.

All of that said, it's irresponsible to bring sick children out into the public; both for the dc and others. When mine had it, they were feverish and sick. Responsible parenting would suggest keeping sick children home for their sake and others.But

Dontblameitontheboogie · 23/04/2018 21:20

The reason the chicken pox vaccine isn't standard in the UK is that it's actually very inefficient. You get much better protection against the disease from having had it in childhood. So whilst it's certainly no trivial matter, and some children can get very ill, it's overall better to catch it as a childhood disease because it then tends to offer protection for life (although that's not guaranteed either).

People who have been vaccinated can still get it, and they're more likely to get it as adults, when it's often way more serious.

Littlelondoner · 23/04/2018 21:44

I have had chicken pox 4 bloody times!!

Clearly my body doesnt make immunity.

I know alot of people who have had it twice too.

The older I was with each dose. The worse I got it.

A friends daughter was blinded in one eye by chicken pox as she got it in her eye and it scared.

Not too mention the countless people I know self concious over pox scars. (On a more superficial level)

I really dont know how it got such a repretation of "its fine just a few spots"

MeandT · 23/04/2018 22:03

Even if MIL is being ridiculous, I'm sure Birthday Gran will get it.

We had made a special weekend trip to see my Nan in hospital when I was about 6 and my first spots were seen in bath on the Friday night. Funnily enough I wasn't carted in there regardless he next day just because it was a special trip to see her, and she totally got that it was the best thing for me not to be there.

I'm sure Gran will understand this is why niece is missing from surprise event when this is explained to her!

mummabubs · 23/04/2018 22:52

@Nousernamefound

Please check the NHS website- this is correct in stating that the contagious period begins 48 hours before spots first appear and lasts until ALL spots have scabbed over. Not appeared.

Nousernamefound · 23/04/2018 22:58

@mummabubs I have responded to another reply to my post and apologised for getting it wrong. This is the information I was given many years ago. I assume most people would, as you suggest, check a more informed source than mumsnet AIBU posts for their medical advice. Assuming the poster really wanted more advice on ‘was SIL being unreasonable?’ than asking for medical advice. Again I hold my hands up, I got it wrong. Apologies to all MN’s everywhere!

AornisHades · 23/04/2018 23:05

Glad they didn't go. Shame they didn't let you know though.
I'm another person on medication that suppresses my immune system and could catch CP again. I look fit and well so you wouldn't know.

mummabubs · 23/04/2018 23:10

@Nousernamefound ahh sorry, I did read through the thread but missed your second post!