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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not go to this meal?

165 replies

HopefullyAnonymous · 22/04/2018 09:09

We are booked to go for a family meal for DHs gran’s birthday today, full extended family event. Have just seen on social media that my niece has come down with the dreaded pox, however they are still planning on coming to the meal.

My DCs haven’t had chicken pox yet. I’m currently working away during the week and only home for weekends, and DH struggles to take time off work so childcare is delicately balanced. We can’t affort for them to have the time off school at the moment.

I’ve said the children won’t be coming to the meal now, although DH can obviously still go. MIL has absolutely hit the roof and thinks I’m being ridiculous. Am I?

OP posts:
CookieSue222 · 22/04/2018 10:14

Sorry, I do know you can't catch shingles directly from someone with chickenpox, I meant if Grandma hadn't had chickenpox, and caught it she would then be at risk from shingles, which is far more serious. Believe me, I have seen just this happen to my friends elderly Father.

Whocansay · 22/04/2018 10:14

Your MIL is an idiot, as are the child's parents. This is utterly selfish and irresponsible behaviour.

snewname · 22/04/2018 10:15

Maybe it's time to cut mil out of the loop and email that nhs advice link to bil and sil. Maybe they might have more sense and listen.

Shadow666 · 22/04/2018 10:18

I live abroad but I just paid to have my kids vaccinated. Surely it’s better and safer to spend the 60 pounds or whatever it costs?

Lizzie48 · 22/04/2018 10:20

Yes my DH had CP as an adult and so did BIL. They were both extremely ill with it. It's incredibly selfish to put the other diners at risk.

TeenyBird · 22/04/2018 10:20

I agree - a child with contagious chickenpox shouldn't be out and about. When my son had it he had to stay away from nursery and the Dr said it wasn't advisable to be bringing him out to public places whilst contagious. And secondly, it is you who will have to deal with the fallout if your kids get it now, whilst you would have difficulty with childcare arrangements - this is extra stress I'm sure you do not need. Unless your MIL wants to look after them if they get chickenpox! Somehow I would doubt it.

Original poster
HopefullyAnonymous · 22/04/2018 10:20

Thanks everyone, I will look into the vaccine. It’s not normally so much of an issue for childcare as I do actually get paid time off if the children are ill, I just can’t take any holiday during this period of training.

OP posts:
Shiftymake · 22/04/2018 10:23

Tell you MiL that CP is extremely contagious and that there is only 2 options here: Child with CP stays at home, (and should do so as she is poorly besides being very contagious) OR you stay at home with your kids as you do not wish for them to be infected.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/04/2018 10:28

Personally I would be hitting the roof that they are bringing an infectious child to see an elderly relative. Put that on social media if you like. But first check that the baby is still infectious!

Shiftymake · 22/04/2018 10:35

Mummyoflittledragon (love that name btw) OP says in a later post that it started on Friday

WingsOnMyBoots · 22/04/2018 10:36

Don't be pressurised/bullied. Your are not being unreasonable.

LegendOfTomorrow · 22/04/2018 10:41

As someone who has been a waitress and pregnant at the same time I would be furious about the in laws bringing an infectious child out to dinner. I've worked up til my 8th month three times. That's a total of two years worth of working time whilst expecting. You can't just hide away, you have to hope that customers have some common sense.
Ignore MIL and go straight to the source. Tell them that their child shouldn't be out and about yet due to the danger to pregnant or immunocompromised innocent diners and staff, never mind old granny who could very well not be immune either. They don't want to make it her last birthday.

Juells · 22/04/2018 10:43

I'm not sure how shingles gets triggered - is it if you come into contact with cp again, and the virus reactivates? Must google...

BewareOfDragons · 22/04/2018 10:48

MIL is being ridiculous and selfish. Ignore her and stay home.

Tell the restaurant to look at their incoming bookings carefully today, as a relative is insisting their infectious CP child will be attending.

Aragog · 22/04/2018 10:49

CookieSue222 Sun 22-Apr-18 09:47:17
Errr.... Live chicken pox - (presumably) elderly Grandma. Shingles anyone?????

You don't catch shingles from chicken pox. You can get chicken pox from direct contact with shingles, but not the other way round.

However, that baby should NOT be in a public restaurant with chicken pox. It is a selfish act and totally irresponsible. There may be vulnerable people in the restaurant who will be put at risk from being exposed to chicken pox.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/chickenpox/

Aragog · 22/04/2018 10:51

CookieSue222 Sun 22-Apr-18 09:47:17
Errr.... Live chicken pox - (presumably) elderly Grandma. Shingles anyone?????

You don't catch shingles from chicken pox. You can get chicken pox from direct contact with shingles, but not the other way round. Shingles can be trigged if your immunity gets low.

However, that baby should NOT be in a public restaurant with chicken pox. It is a selfish act and totally irresponsible. There may be vulnerable people in the restaurant who will be put at risk from being exposed to chicken pox.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/chickenpox/

Shingles and chickenpox
You can't catch shingles from someone with chickenpox. You can catch chickenpox from someone with shingles if you haven't had chickenpox before.
When you get chickenpox, the virus stays in your body. It can be triggered again if your immune system is low and cause shingles.
This can be because of stress, certain conditions, or treatments like chemotherapy.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 22/04/2018 10:52

I cant believe, they want to drag a 1 yr old with chickenpox, to a family meal that she wont even remember. If she's ill with the pox too, she's gonna be tetchy and restless the whole time. It's cruel to her.

Also, my DD had chickenpox twice in the space of 5 years. So having it once doesnt mean you wont get it again.

mummabubs · 22/04/2018 10:53

As others have said, unless the spots have scabbed over completely (at which point they're no longer contagious) then it's beyond selfish of the parents to take your niece out. My 5 month old DS caught chicken pox a month ago as his cousin had it and was still taken to play with him. I then had to quarantine the two of us for over a week which was a real test to both our sanities but I was determined to not pass it on to anyone. You don't know in public whether there are vulnerable people who haven't had it and it can be especially nasty if adults catch it- my dad was hospitalised after he caught it from my younger sister!

Quartz2208 · 22/04/2018 10:54

A sibling of a child at my DC school had it as a child and it led to Encephalitis which led to permanent brain damage and learning difficulties. Another friends son very nearly went that way but some very heavy duty antibiotics got the infection under control

Your DH needs to gently but firmly bring your MIL round - at the moment she is just reacting to the situation meaning her plans have gone awry but she needs to tell them to stay away from the restaurant

JingsMahBucket · 22/04/2018 10:59

@YippeeTipTap
I’ve mentioned this before on Mumsnet but i think it’s worth telling again.

It’s about ten years ago now but my husband caught chicken pox from our kids. He was really, really ill. His Mum thought he had had it as a kid but apparently not. A friends husband also contracted it during the same outbreak and he ended up in a wheelchair for 6 months. Fortunately he made a full recovery. The point is that there are adults around who haven’t had chickenpox and if they get it it can be really really bad.

This scares me shitless. I'm an adult who's never had chicken pox and this is probably one of my worst nightmares. I deliberately avoid sick kids and hopefully I never get it. I also have compromised health that makes it really hard to recover from things.

@HopefullyAnonymous please try to talk some sense into your MIL, BIL & SIL about this. Putting your DH's grandmother and her elderly friends or relations in danger is so messed up.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/04/2018 10:59

Thanks Shifty! I was reading this with the little dragon and I wasn’t able to read the thread properly. I was too busy checking for swearing Grin. She’s almost 10 so not going to be too shocking...

sexnotgender · 22/04/2018 11:10

In my previous life I worked in hospitality, doing so when I was pregnant.
I would have been livid if some arsehole had KNOWINGLY brought their infectious child to my restaurant and put me at risk.

Further my own daughter ended up seriously ill in hospital with chicken pox, the A&E doctor said they are seeing more and more serious cases.

Coyoacan · 22/04/2018 11:17

Well if people are so cavalier about the care and attention a child with chickenpox needs, no wonder some children go on to suffer complications.

TheJoyOfSox · 22/04/2018 11:17

I’m sure DH granny will be thrilled when she gets shingles, which I think is very likely, a lovely reminder of her birthday dinner.

Happygummibear · 22/04/2018 11:19

In regards to the vaccine. It is a live vaccine so you might still catch chicken pox from it.

Agree with everyone. Very selfish to take a contagious infection into a public area. The child should be staying at home and resting for their own sake and the sake of others who may catch it.

I know an adult who had chicken pox and it affected them way more than any child I have seen with it.

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