Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for this to make me sad that he's had his head turned?

888 replies

Buttmonkey86 · 21/04/2018 19:28

I think or rather hope I'm being a bit silly. I don't want to bring it up with real life people.

My partner works in a creative environment for a large company. About six months ago he was part responsible for the hiring of a new woman.

I don't think for a second he would ever do anything about this, but he's never mentioned her since. Ever. He talks about some work people but not her. We have a mutual friend who has befriended this woman and says she's lovely, has fabulous style (important there) and is hilarious. She has also mentioned she's seen my partner looking at her a lot and trying to make her laugh. She said she's seen them have a couple of eye contact moments but the woman usually walks away quickly.

I've seen her once in person and she's very pretty. I didn't like the way I saw my partner watching her though, like he couldn't help himself. He didn't know I'd arrived to collect him early and I saw this through the windows.

AIBU to feel sad about this? Like I said, I don't think he'd do anything about her...I just feel down that he's had his head turned. In the five years we've been together this hasn't happened before

OP posts:
WhatsGoingOnEh · 21/04/2018 19:57

Are you married?

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 21/04/2018 19:58

If the woman walked away then it might be she thinks he’s just a pest- maybe you could take the opportunity to encourage him to talk about it? (You don’t need to drop your friend in it, just say that you noticed). Do you get any time away from your DCs etc to do something for you? Sometimes we neglect things we are interested in and those are the things that make us who we are and make us attractive to our partners, so it can be win-win to put some time into a hobby or interest.

Original poster
Buttmonkey86 · 21/04/2018 19:59

We aren't married. He's 36, I'm 30 and think woman is a similar age to me

OP posts:
Original poster
Buttmonkey86 · 21/04/2018 20:00

Slightly, it was mutual eye contact then walking away. Written down that sounds insane but I know what I mean when my friend said it if you know what I mean!

OP posts:
wynnie2 · 21/04/2018 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Buttmonkey86 · 21/04/2018 20:02

I do, he takes our toddler to nursery on the way to work and I work too. We do get time together. We've just had a nice family day out

OP posts:
Original poster
Buttmonkey86 · 21/04/2018 20:02

Wtaf. Never seen spam on a mn thread before

OP posts:
NewYearNewMe18 · 21/04/2018 20:03

Everyone window shops. The problem occurs when you go and try the frock on. Most people don't actually do any more than peer in the window.

And before anyone says they never window shop, the ridiculous salivating threads about actors and pop stars that appear from time to time are proof of that.

Original poster
Buttmonkey86 · 21/04/2018 20:03

Sorry I read your post quickly and assumed it was spam with the massive list of services - apologies! Bit extreme under the circumstances though

OP posts:
Adayindisney67 · 21/04/2018 20:04

Yeah I wouldn't be happy. I'd tell him how i felt about it tbh! There is fancying someone and acting like a love struck teen. How you've put it sounds like he is..

Cuppaoftea · 21/04/2018 20:06

How unprofessional of him and embarrassing for him.

This as well as hurtful and disrespectful to you. I'd call him out on it personally.

HelenaDove · 21/04/2018 20:07

Buttmonkey do you get time to yourself.

Original poster
Buttmonkey86 · 21/04/2018 20:07

I think what's pinged a nerve is my friend mentioning the eye contact thing only in the last month or so.

After seeing the woman, I think he's probably found her attractive all along. I have no issue with that as long as I don't have to hear about it. But its strange how themutual looking thing has been mentioned now. I don't know if he realises our friend even saw

OP posts:
WhatsGoingOnEh · 21/04/2018 20:07

Are there work events? Summer parties or anything? Will you get a chance to meet her?

You could suggest you host a big work BBQ at yours or something, but then that'd mean you have to endure a whole afternoon with her and if she's truly amazing, that might be awful.

How come you've never got married? How did you meet him?

Original poster
Buttmonkey86 · 21/04/2018 20:08

I do. He's out of the house by 7:30 with our toddler. I start work at 11am

OP posts:
HelenaDove · 21/04/2018 20:10

No i mean a full day or full night to yourself .

Original poster
Buttmonkey86 · 21/04/2018 20:11

We met at work but a different place and type of business entirely. No summer parties and if they do, it's work people only as otherwise it'd double the size of an already thousands deep work force.

I don't think I'd want to meet her to be honest. I trust my friends judgement that she really is lovely. Mutual friend has hung out with her outside work etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Buttmonkey86 · 21/04/2018 20:12

Not a full day, no. We both work 40/45 hours 5 days a week so like our days off to be spent together. He's recently got a promotion so he's very busy there atm too

OP posts:
SandysMam · 21/04/2018 20:13

@HelenaDove letting yourself go isn’t always about physical appearance...you can stop making your partner feel special or that you are interested in him by lack of words or actions, and then it might be partly your fault if he finds someone else who does or is.

Clearly a sensitive subject for you though so apologies if it struck a sour chord, didn’t mean to offend.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 21/04/2018 20:14

Have you friend get her fired. 👍🏻

Original poster
Buttmonkey86 · 21/04/2018 20:15

To how come we haven't got married...it's not something we've ever been bothered about. We met and moved in pretty fast and 16 months later our little one was on the way

OP posts:
Original poster
Buttmonkey86 · 21/04/2018 20:15

Whatsgoingoneh...why would I do that?

OP posts:
TipTopTat · 21/04/2018 20:16

Jesus christ people are allowed to fancy and appreciate other people. It doesn't mean he's going to try and bed her or that he's had his head turned.

I bet you freak out when he has a wank or watches porn too.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 21/04/2018 20:16

This is no way the OP's fault! Unfortunately a total bloody goddess has shown up at her boyfriend's workplace. All funny and creative and dressed like a sodding model. It's just bad luck.

Original poster
Buttmonkey86 · 21/04/2018 20:18

Tiptoptank, thanks for the sympathy...oh wait, no. Vitriol.

Read what I actually said. Not stuff you've made up so you can post a silly comment

OP posts: