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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think women don't love their children more than men?

246 replies

whalewhatsallthisthen · 19/04/2018 22:04

So I started back at work last month. My baby is 6 months old. My partner is at home - he has actually given up work. I really enjoy my job and I am quite enjoying being back in the adult world and having more control over my day again, although I really miss my baby of course.

But I am being bombarded with questions from almost everyone, including colleagues and family, about whether I will be working part time and why I am not working part time. Frankly, I am working full time to keep a roof over my family's head and also because I have ambitions for promotion and part time isn't compatible with that.

Why don't men get this kind of pressure when they return to work? They are just expected to get on with it as far as I can see.

Aibu to think that men don't love their children any less than women, so there is no reason to assume women are the primary caregivers and are all heartbroken to be back at work?

OP posts:
Queenofwands · 19/04/2018 23:43

The number of widows who swan off with another woman in 6 months....Rio Ferdinand for one.

Slievenamon · 19/04/2018 23:43

Do men leave their children more than women do? Yes.
Do a minority of men lose contact with their children? Yes.

Do either of those things mean that no men love their children unless they love their mothers? Obviously not.
Does it mean its acceptable to tell people that they only think their fathers love them but they don't really? NOT A FUCKING CHANCE.

PinkbicyclesinBerlin · 19/04/2018 23:43

Sorry if you don’t like the fact but over 90% of single parent families are headed by women

That does not mean that the fathers are either
a) do not love their children anymore
b) are uninvolved with their children even though them are the NRP.

Slievenamon · 19/04/2018 23:44

Ask the divorced mothers. Wait! We're here. We're speaking. We're not being heard

Ask the OTHER divorced mothers why don;t you? The ones who would find this shit offensive as well

callies · 19/04/2018 23:45

It’s not shit and it’s not a minority

PinkbicyclesinBerlin · 19/04/2018 23:45

Yes Callies has said that Celtic. Here is the assertion everyone is answering.

Men only love their children as long as they love the child’s mother. It’s as simple as that.

callies · 19/04/2018 23:47

Most men, then Smile

CelticSelkie · 19/04/2018 23:47

It would indicate though, that mothers are left with a lot more responsibility.
Why is that.........

Slievenamon · 19/04/2018 23:48

It is a minority and its not most.

Don't take your own bitterness and apply it to everyone else.

Ohmydayslove · 19/04/2018 23:48

Jesus Christ

So your dh and all your friends dhs wouldn’t trample over anything to save their kids in a fire? Or a terrorist attack?

Bloody hell when our dd was seriously injured and trapped and in danger of being burnt to death 3 adult males risked their lives and saved her and other children. These men were not their dads.

If I thought my dh wouldn’t do that for our children I am speechless

CelticSelkie · 19/04/2018 23:48

Would they slieve? Would they find it offensive or would they roll their eyes and sigh and say yeh.

Nobody plans this. Nobody wants it. But I'm in enough facebook groups to know that this is not UNUSUAL.

callies · 19/04/2018 23:50

I’m not bitter but I am able to acknowledge the reality

There are countless women on here who will be adamant their husband is great, loves the kids so very much, is a great dad.

And they are right.

Until the marriage breaks down, or they die.

But if it doesn’t they will never know.

CelticSelkie · 19/04/2018 23:51

by the way, I'm not bitter. I like my life and my divorce came at the right time. I'm happy. I like my job. I love my kids. They're great. We're great without him. Which is just as well really because he sees them ......twice a year. Find me a mother that is totally cool with ambling over to see her kids twice a year.

PinkbicyclesinBerlin · 19/04/2018 23:51

Great Callies, we can call that enough progress for tonight. Grin

CelticSelkie · 19/04/2018 23:52

Callies Wine

Lot of denial here! I don't care, I'm not bitter. We're through the worst.

I just cannot believe that people would argue it really!

callies · 19/04/2018 23:52

I also think that this is something you see in other familial relationships.

Mums will post on here about what a fabulous relationship they have with their adult or near adult sons until he meets a girl.

Then he adores her and their children until the marriage ends and it’s in to the next woman.

Slievenamon · 19/04/2018 23:54

But if it doesn’t they will never know

You;re ignoring the many many people who are in that situation and do know! Lots of divorced people co parent happily and well, and most seperated dads are good dads.
Get out of your little bubble of bitterness, take you head out of your arse and grow the fuck up. Just cos daddy left you or your dude fucked off on you, doesn't its true for everyone. It's not.

callies · 19/04/2018 23:54

And none of those good dads live with their kids. Funny that.

Queenofwands · 19/04/2018 23:55

Would love to read this same thread on piston heads if women were walking out on their kids en masse leaving men holding the baby.

callies · 19/04/2018 23:55

And I’m not bitter! I am married, and I know full well what would happen if I die but I don’t plan to die Grin Not yet, anyway.

Slievenamon · 19/04/2018 23:55

None? of course they do. STOP thinking you know everything, when you know nothing.

Slievenamon · 19/04/2018 23:56

And I’m not bitter! I am married, and I know full well what would happen if I die but I don’t plan to die

Unhappily married, of course you are bitter.

biscuitraider · 19/04/2018 23:56

Just because someone's got a husband who loves his kids as much as his wife doesn't alter the statistics. Men are more likely to walk away. Therefore that means that on the whole it's the mother who loves the kids more. A mother loves her child before it's even born. A man won't feel the same depth, he's not carrying it inside him. Surely that's obvious to everyone.

crunchymint · 19/04/2018 23:57

I agree with you OP that there is nothing to prevent fathers loving their children as much as mothers.
And yet so many do walk away. My dad has nothing to do with his children from his first marriage or any grandchildren.

callies · 19/04/2018 23:58

Thank you biscuit.slieve I get you dislike what I’m saying but you’re not coming across well. Have I hit a nerve?