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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think women don't love their children more than men?

246 replies

whalewhatsallthisthen · 19/04/2018 22:04

So I started back at work last month. My baby is 6 months old. My partner is at home - he has actually given up work. I really enjoy my job and I am quite enjoying being back in the adult world and having more control over my day again, although I really miss my baby of course.

But I am being bombarded with questions from almost everyone, including colleagues and family, about whether I will be working part time and why I am not working part time. Frankly, I am working full time to keep a roof over my family's head and also because I have ambitions for promotion and part time isn't compatible with that.

Why don't men get this kind of pressure when they return to work? They are just expected to get on with it as far as I can see.

Aibu to think that men don't love their children any less than women, so there is no reason to assume women are the primary caregivers and are all heartbroken to be back at work?

OP posts:

Slievenamon · 19/04/2018 23:00

More? No. Differently? Probably. It is different if a woman goes back after 6 months to a year of being with the baby constantly than it is for a man who has a couple of days or weeks off and carries on working pretty much as before. Thats just obvious.

Slievenamon · 19/04/2018 23:01

Men only love their children as long as they love the child’s mother. It’s as simple as that
That's the stupidest thing I've ever seen on here, and that is some competition since there is an awful lot of stupid.

callies · 19/04/2018 23:02

Sure then explain why so many devoted daddies lose contact with their kids after divorce

Slievenamon · 19/04/2018 23:03

Explain why so many don't.

callies · 19/04/2018 23:04

Don’t they? Not my experience.

Slievenamon · 19/04/2018 23:05

So you're saying that every single father who gets divorced never sees their children again?

callies · 19/04/2018 23:07

I’m saying a lot never see their children again, many more see them from time to time to play Disney dad and still more start a new family.

Slievenamon · 19/04/2018 23:08

I'm not going to engage with such stupid horseshit.

Ginger1982 · 19/04/2018 23:10

Callies clearly has issues.

pallisers · 19/04/2018 23:10

My dad loved us every bit as much as my mum did.

I loved going back to work (went part time at 4 months for each). Didn't cry. Didn't miss them.

I do think that women have a greater sense of responsibility toward their children than men do - that is in general not all men yada yada.

PinkbicyclesinBerlin · 19/04/2018 23:15

Men only love their children as long as they love the child’s mother. It’s as simple as that.

Not in my experience. I know quite a few cases of parents splitting up where the father remains extremely close to their children. In fairness in l but one case the mothers have had the lions share of custody but the fathers have had plenty of time with the children. The ones who do not keep up contact with their children are cockwombles but I actually only know one guy who has done that compared with about 10 who haven’t, one too many though.

Queenofwands · 19/04/2018 23:15

I refer you to the relationships thread. Men certainly seem to find it easier to cut off from their children. Not all women love their children more than their husbands do but I would wager that it’s a majority. I can’t see what that has to do with who stays at home which is usually driven by finances not who loves the child most.

TammySwansonTwo · 19/04/2018 23:15

It’s interesting - at six months, I could easily have gone back to work. Don’t get me wrong, I loved them, but I felt like I was drowning in baby stuff and felt like I was no longer a person in my own right.

The older they’ve got, the harder it would be. Now they’re 18 months and I feel like we have an actual relationship now rather than just me loving / worrying about them. Of course I’d still have a relationship with them whether I’d gone back or not, I just mean it would have been easier for me to make that change when they were smaller than it would be now. I work very part time and I hate leaving them for meetings etc, whereas back then I’d have been delighted to get out of the house and wear something without milk or sick on it.

callies · 19/04/2018 23:15

Of course he did, palliders

And if he’d stopped loving your mum he’d have stopped loving you, that’s all I’m saying,

biscuitraider · 19/04/2018 23:15

There's more fathers who walk out on their families than mothers do, so i suppose in a lot of cases they don't have the same emotional attachment. Many can walk out without a conscience, i don't think many women could do that.

Slievenamon · 19/04/2018 23:17

And if he’d stopped loving your mum he’d have stopped loving you, that’s all I’m saying

Could you not say it, because its offensive bullshit.

callies · 19/04/2018 23:18

Sorry if the truth offends.

Plenty of people think their dads adore them but they only think it because dad is happily married to mum.

If mum walked out or died they’d soon see how little dad cared.

CelticSelkie · 19/04/2018 23:18

I am going against the grain then, I think men are far more likely to not care that they have a child, not care that they don't see it, not care that the child is unhappy.

It's women's achilles heel that they care more. and it's shit.

CelticSelkie · 19/04/2018 23:19

I agree with callies.

So many men can play father if it's a side dish with husband. IF it's all easy and under one roof, fair play.

But they cannot manage it if they're not in a relationship with child's mother.

PinkbicyclesinBerlin · 19/04/2018 23:19

callies did you read my post. I get that your experience has been bad, awful even, but you cannot extrapolate that out because it is not remotely a given.

CelticSelkie · 19/04/2018 23:21

It's not ''Callie's'' experience like it's hers alone! There are about five million ''callies''. It's reality.

callies · 19/04/2018 23:21

I don’t get what you’re saying pink

So your dh is with you and loves your kids. All fine, unless something happens to you, when he’d meet someone else and forget he loved those children, but no biggie if you’re not going anywhere

PinkbicyclesinBerlin · 19/04/2018 23:23

I refer you to the relationships thread

The relationships threads are inherently biased towards the cockwombles though. The involved fathers probably don’t feature in threads unless they are causing ongoing relationship issues for their ex which still means they love and are involved with their children.

Slievenamon · 19/04/2018 23:24

Sorry if the truth offends. Plenty of people think their dads adore them but they only think it because dad is happily married to mum

Its not the truth. Are you for fucking real? Are you seriously telling people that they think their fathers love them but really they don't? What the fucking FUCK is wrong with you?

PinkbicyclesinBerlin · 19/04/2018 23:24

Not that post callies

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