I confiscated dds phone, she's found it and I've just caught her using it, punishment?

[Sarkyharky]

She must have gone into my knicker drawer and found it hidden there. I've just caught her in her room using it. She tried to hide it. I took it away, shut the door and I've come downstairs. Haven't said anything.

I feel really disappointed in her. I wish I'd never given her the bloody thing, she's completely addicted to it. I've never known her to be underhand and sneaky like this.

Obviously the phone stays hidden somewhere else! Wwyd?

She's 11 about to be 12.

Glad you got it sorted Op
For what is worth,my dd2 is on a phone ban at moment for same reasons.she is a very good student and her attitude towards learning is often commented on by teachers

Am quite shocked at some of the responses you had

I have this with my 15yo. I went to Currys and asked the girl there for the most awful phone they'd got as a "punishment" phone. She nearly died laughing but came up with the goods. So I can take away her smartphone but provide a means of communication for emergencies etc. It is pretty cheap and I retain peace of mind.

As far as I am concerned loss of smart phone is loss of all the things that come with the phone - eg spotify. So if she wants to listen to music/play games etc she needs to negotiate for use of radio/laptop and if it isn't convenient then tough. Should have thought about that earlier.

Mine has never tried to take her phone back (but I do have a lockable box that is big enough for an ipad as well and it is easier to hide a key). I think I would impose a double penalty - she hasn't completed the first punishment so the confiscation is extended y a day of the day she had the phone when she shouldn't and also a punishment for taking the phone back when she shouldn't have done - either grounding or a longer confiscation - perhaps the weekend or next week.

@Sarkyharky Wifi Router Passwords can be easily changed and used as excellent ransom material

We use the Kidslox app. Can lock phone down, or even certain apps with phone from your phone. It sends updates too about use and which apps have been installed over the week. You can set daily limits and/or a switch off time at night. Devices new turn off at 19:30. That's it. Done. It was worth the money. Free trial first of course.

"We use the Kidslox app."

throws money at screen

I don't know what you mean @MadBadDaddy! We did have the our pact app first but it's not as good as Kidslox and eventually stopped working effectively.
Did you mean you'll buy it or it's not a good idea? I just remembered we've also got devices locked down in the morning too.
Plus I can zap them off while they are using them! I've found me saying I'm going to lockdown your device and then doing it has fewer arguments than me taking the device off them. Everything just stops working!
I think it works across platforms and can be put on multiple devices.
I honestly don't work for them! Just very happy with the app.

@SciFiFan2015 - Sorry, it was my shorthand for "I can't believe I have never imagined that something like this exists, and I want one immediately"

Agreed on doubling the time. Doesn't matter if she loves music, this is a punishment. I'm 100% for encouraging a child's interest in music and the arts, but she needs to know this is unacceptable. Do you not have a PC or something else in the house that runs Spotify?

I'm in week three of removing all consoles And devices and turning off the router and putting everything on a locked cupboard at 9.30. My problem was a 9yo addicted to the iPad.

It's been transformational. All sleeping better.
Talking to each other, much better atmosphere. AND after three days, no complaints!

I think you sound completely reasonable, OP. My 13 yo has lost his phone until May for doing exactly the same thing. Phones are excellent bartering material imo because it's not their divine right to own one. And, I don't worry at all about him being out and about without it. If anything, I worry less.

Glad it's all worked out.

ReanimatedSGB, that's my post you're talking about. I didn't say 'I was thrashed and it did me good'. I meant quite the opposite. I was an essentially well behaved child who occasionally did things wrong. Being hit made me despise my parents, and left me feeling unloved, with critically low self esteem. (Not just being hit of course). My parents were shitty.

I'm afraid I don't think that punishing a child who is breaking rules put in place for their own wellbeing is bullying. I think you are being very cruel on this thread. It's not a dichotomy. Parents who punish also talk to their children. I'm genuinely pleased for those of you who are able to reach a happy agreement with your kids through reasoned discussion. You don't know my child, and you have never tried to get him to put his phone down and do homework, or anything else. We have taken advice from professionals. We've tried different approaches. Hell, we've got it wrong and as I said in my original post, we've gone over the top and then we've apologised. We've been thanked by teachers for our efforts, rather than leaving our child to sink in a sea of screen time.

It's exhausting. I've cried over it more times than I care to think about. But yes, I punish my child when rules are broken and in your eyes that makes me a bully. Unlike my parents, I own my mistakes, I would never ever hit a child, I do my damnedest to understand their point of view, and I tell them I love them often.

There are some handy software packages that enable you to restrict phone usage at night, limit total daily usage etc. Screen time is good and I think there's another called family time.

DS 13 has a Nokia brick. Lets him call me in emergencies. Cost £5 to buy plus £10 monthly.

He also has a tablet, which he gets for 30 mins a day once he's done homework etc. If I let him loose with it (e.g. when he's ill) he will spend every waking minute on it and not even eat. If he had a smartphone he would have no other life.

Screens are like crack.