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AIBU?

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Original poster

I confiscated dds phone, she's found it and I've just caught her using it, punishment?

188 replies

Sarkyharky · 19/04/2018 21:14

She must have gone into my knicker drawer and found it hidden there. I've just caught her in her room using it. She tried to hide it. I took it away, shut the door and I've come downstairs. Haven't said anything.

I feel really disappointed in her. I wish I'd never given her the bloody thing, she's completely addicted to it. I've never known her to be underhand and sneaky like this.

Obviously the phone stays hidden somewhere else! Wwyd?

She's 11 about to be 12.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sarkyharky · 19/04/2018 21:25

Yeah I think I am going to say no to the town trip because she stole her phone back.

Then no phone until May?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sarkyharky · 19/04/2018 21:26

A radio is a good idea. Wish there was a stand alone Spotify player

OP posts:
NapQueen · 19/04/2018 21:26

Its up to you.

Only threaten what you can be bothered to follow through.

Original poster
Sarkyharky · 19/04/2018 21:27

It's her birthday towards the end of April and she's got nice headphones!

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ReanimatedSGB · 19/04/2018 21:28

You shouldn't have taken it away in the first place. She's 10, nearly 11, so still at primary school. What homework she would have had is likely to have been fairly easy and fairly pointless.
Making a feature out of punishment at this age is likely to make her teens a fairly grim time for both of you. If you must use punishments, at least save them for something serious, like bullying or actual theft.

RafikiIsTheBest · 19/04/2018 21:29

Why does it matter that she loves music and listens to Spotify. Clearly you were happy with her having to cope without access to Spotify for a week (until Friday). Now she will have to cope for longer.

She doesn't need Spotify, she does need to concentrate on school work and be respectful to her parents. She hasn't so she needs some sort of punishment as a reminder. Overuse of her phone, logical punishment is the removal of phone. Take the phone without permission, logical punishment is the removal of phone. Her fault that these occurred back to back and so punishment will also be back to back and anything she missed out on because she doesn't have said phone is her own fault and she should be reminded of it.

Butterymuffin · 19/04/2018 21:31

MP3 players (bear with me!) can still be bought, are cheap now and work well for listening to your own choice of music without connectivity. Of course you have to actually own music not stream it, but there are other advantages to that too. And they'll be allowed on school trips where phones are banned.

NapQueen · 19/04/2018 21:31

I disagree Reanimated.

Not doing homework on time should be acknowledged. The cause of this was the phone. Therefore removing the phone for a few days is bang on the money.

She will be at secondary school soon and homework is necessary and important. Its better she learns that sooner.

And if my dc actually stole or became a bully, id find a much strong punishment than removal of a phone for a short period.

Original poster
Sarkyharky · 19/04/2018 21:31

She's not 10 reanimated

Hmm
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RafikiIsTheBest · 19/04/2018 21:32

Don't get her a radio! She can either use what's already in the house for entertainment or she can cope without music for a few weeks! It isn't going to harm her.

And if you have a computer, laptop, tablet or anything else you can play Spotify through that.

Original poster
Sarkyharky · 19/04/2018 21:32

She is in year 7.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sarkyharky · 19/04/2018 21:33

Making a feature out of punishment at this age is likely to make her teens a fairly grim time for both of you. If you must use punishments, at least save them for something serious, like bullying or actual thef

It's good to get other opinions but we are not in the same page reanimated

And I have two older teens so know what I'm doing

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NapQueen · 19/04/2018 21:34

Well there you are. Homework is important!

jamoncrumpets · 19/04/2018 21:34

Get her an Amazon Echo, she can play Spotify through that without using her phone

NapQueen · 19/04/2018 21:36

Not whilst she is being punished!

NewYearNewMe18 · 19/04/2018 21:36

You've confiscated her phone for nigh on three weeks ??????

And she's not allowed out with her friends?

You cant keep on and on heaping punishments, adding to them on the say so of an internet forum

Blimey!

She lost her phone for a week for not doing her HW, you then have a choice on the punishment for finding it again - EITHER extend the confiscation OR she doesn't go out with her friends.

Original poster
Sarkyharky · 19/04/2018 21:37

Get her an Amazon Echo, she can play Spotify through that without using her phone

Can she? Is there any way of turning the Echo into any kind of social media communication time sink??

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Glitterbabe69 · 19/04/2018 21:38

ReanimatedSGB
And this is why so manu kids end up as brats that grow into thieving thugs! Discipline is needed or kids think they're in charge and can do what they want! She stole the phone back, what's next if she's not disciplined? Stealing from shops?

Sequencedress · 19/04/2018 21:38

If Spotify is so important to her then she should have followed the rules set by you. The phone wouldn’t be the issue in our house, but the sneaking and snooping would be. I’d be doubling the confiscation time, and then seriously rationing her time on it when she earns it back (and she has to earn it, any strops about not having her phone add on a week of confiscation)
You’re the adult, and you make the rules - if she chooses not to follow them, then she loses her privileges.
Yes I’m a dragon of a Mum, but my kids behave (most of the time!!) Wink

iMatter · 19/04/2018 21:40

No phones in bedrooms in future.

No phone at all until 1 May.

If nec give her an old payg phone that only makes calls, nothing else.

As for the music - tough shit.

She lied about homework and stole the phone from you.

Caveat - I am a strict old cow

Original poster
Sarkyharky · 19/04/2018 21:40

She was due to get her phone back tomorrow.

She went and searched my room and found it and took it despite knowing she wasnt die to have it back.

She's definitely grounded tomorrow nd I'm not sure how long I'm confiscating the phone for.

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RB68 · 19/04/2018 21:40

I would be grounding her - if she can't be trusted why does she deserve to go into town, she firstly allowed it to distract her from homework then allowed it to make her sneak into your room and steal it back. I would be turning it off and having a) period without it b) have to earn it back - all homework done on time and checked by you by xpm each day. No outings while this is going on. A child who thinks it is OK to steal shouldn't be allowed into town with others.

Another option I would use with mine is to ask her what she thinks is reasonable and why and agree what the punishment is.

NewYearNewMe18 · 19/04/2018 21:41

She stole the phone back, what's next if she's not disciplined? Stealing from shops?

Over reaction much ? you can't actually steal something you own. Theft is the intention to deprive the owner of enjoyment of their goods/possessions permanently.

ReanimatedSGB · 19/04/2018 21:42

Actually, kids whose parents demand 'respect' and pile punishment on top of punishment are often the ones who go really badly wrong. Because they recognise that their parents are bullies, and therefore there is no one they can really trust.

Original poster
Sarkyharky · 19/04/2018 21:42

Well. Guess what newyear

She doesn't own it. I pay the contract on it.

So I guess she stole it.

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