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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To choose not go for smear test.

177 replies

TrudeauGirl · 17/04/2018 22:36

I feel bad posting on this site as I'm not a mother but I have been a long time reader of this website and you all seem like really kind people and I would value your kind advice on this subject.

I am in my 20's and have never had sex through personal choice. I consider myself gay but have always been nervous about the thought of doing anything with anyone.

Which brings us to the smear test, I have been for an appointment and did not manage to get through it. I ended up in tears and the nurse was so lovely to me about it, but I felt so embarrassed as I found it too scary and painful.

I know as a virgin my risk is lower but would it be unreasonable of me to not go again, it would it be better for me to talk to a doctor about my fears?

Sorry for long post and thankyou in advance for any advice

OP posts:
Namechangerextrodinaire · 17/04/2018 22:38

YABVU go and talk to your doctor about your concerns

itsbetterthanabox · 17/04/2018 22:40

As a virgin your risk is very low.
I'd ask your doctor what they recommend after knowing you've had no sexual experience.

Original poster
TrudeauGirl · 17/04/2018 22:40

Thankyou, i think I need to, I just find it very scary and I know it sounds really silly.

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 17/04/2018 22:41

You sound as though you need help, be this through counselling or having a chat with your GP. Smear tests aren't a barrel of laughs but they are a necessity. You shouldn't be ending up in tears at a smear test. It's your prerogative to choose to avoid sexual or intimate relationships but it would appear there are more factors at play here than just reluctance to have a smear test.

Justmuddlingalong · 17/04/2018 22:41

It's not silly. It's how you feel. Make that appointment for a chat with your GP/practice nurse and take it from there.

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 17/04/2018 22:41

I wouldn’t tbh. Leave it a few years

Bringmejavabringmejoy · 17/04/2018 22:42

I have been a long time reader of this website and you all seem like really kind people

Really??!!

80sMum · 17/04/2018 22:42

Your risk is close to zero if you've never had sex, so if I were you I wouldn't worry about it.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 17/04/2018 22:45

I think you should ask yourself which part you find most scary- is it the physically intrusive nature of the smear test itself, or embarrassment?

Either which way you wont be alone. No-one likes having a stranger put a giant cotton bud up their foof ;)

The good thing is that the doctors and nurses have seen it all before. Go and talk to your doctor and have a chat. Abnormal cells etc arent just based on your sexual history. See a doctor you trust and feel will listen to your concerns. Best wishes.

cherryontopp · 17/04/2018 22:45

*I have been a long time reader of this website and you all seem like really kind people

Really??!!*

Grini actually laughed out loud at this.

...anyways back to the OP.

Yes you are being unreasonable.

Suck it up your a big girl. Its nothing they havent seen before.

Smears are embarrassing and slightly undignified but cervical cancer is a bigger worry.

Allmyshilldren · 17/04/2018 22:46

The vast majority of cervical cancer cases are caused by human papilloma virus (HPV) which is transmitted sexually. If you have never been sexually active then it is unlikely you would have contracted it.

You are of course within your rights to decline a smear test. However I think it would be important to have them should you become sexually active in the future (with a woman or a man), and therefore it would be good to discuss with your GP ways you might be able to tolerate the test.

Original poster
TrudeauGirl · 17/04/2018 22:49

I think you have a good point, the fear shouldn't be this bad. I think It would benefit me to talk to someone there about the whole process.

Thankyou

OP posts:
Original poster
TrudeauGirl · 17/04/2018 22:51

I think so (kind people) Grin

And I do worry about the cervical cancer risk, so I know this is something I need to work through

OP posts:
Original poster
TrudeauGirl · 17/04/2018 22:52

Sorry wrong person

OP posts:
FlickingVees · 17/04/2018 22:54

I think you may have anxiety?
Have a chat with your GP and try and get an appointment with a gynecologist who may suggest light sedation?

Just because you’ve not had PIV sex, doesn’t mean you can not get any cancers.

Tbh biopsy and surgery for cervical cancer is far more intrusive than a pap smear, so you need to see the big picture.

Of course if you’re filled with fears and anxiety about it, a course of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) might help you see the smear test more positively in context of your long term health.

You need to engage with your health care providers honestly so you all can work out which treatments and procedures you need and what supports you need to have them.

When it comes to taking responsibility of our own health, sometimes we just have to put our big girl pants on, so to speak.
Talk with your GP again.

Melamin · 17/04/2018 22:55

No-one likes having a stranger put a giant cotton bud up their foof

What kind of smear tests have you been having Confused

SpringNowPlease2018 · 17/04/2018 22:55

You dint need to go

Smear tests are highly dubious anyway - not a popular opinion on MN though

margaretmccartney.com/2013/02/05/women-cervical-smears-and-manipulation/

Lazypuppy · 17/04/2018 22:56

My smear tests have all been fine, i barely felt anything...i don't see why so many women are scared. Where does the fear come from (genuine question)?

I've also had an internal ultrasound as routine at the same time and the doc was great, he showed me the screen and explained what it was showing-found it really interesting

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 17/04/2018 22:57

www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/964.aspx?CategoryID=60&SubCategoryID=182

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 17/04/2018 22:59

Above link is for NHS FAQs. Specifically, "Do I need a cervical screening test if I'm a virgin?"

The take-home of several paragraphs is "probably not, but if you would like one, we are very happy to screen you".

Heighwayqueen · 17/04/2018 22:59

As far as I understand it you don't need then until you are sexually active.
If it's really worrying you talk to your doctor

Caulk · 17/04/2018 22:59

I’ve had about three, and sobbed/shaken my way through them, all without the burse being about to finish. I talked it through with my therapist and we agreed I would talk to the church, look at the instruments she would use etc. It helped me feel a lot calmer.
I then had treatment for ovarian cancer which was so much worse than any smear test, and I knew I had to have it, rather than asking the nurse to stop as I had in smears.
None of it is nice, but it gets easier. Work out why you’re responding the way you are and set up a supportive plan.

MildredHubble88 · 17/04/2018 22:59

No YANBU as long as you realise and accept that if you develop this kind of cancer that you could have prevented it.

Greymisty · 17/04/2018 23:01

Hpv can be transmitted through skin to skin nakedness not just intercourse - I think but don't quote me.

Your risk is probably low, in the old days they did say you didn't have to have smears until you are sexually active.

Lots of women struggle with smear tests you aren't alone.

Also I've never understood with smears why women can't swab themselves like you can for chlamydia.

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