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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To choose not go for smear test.

177 replies

TrudeauGirl · 17/04/2018 22:36

I feel bad posting on this site as I'm not a mother but I have been a long time reader of this website and you all seem like really kind people and I would value your kind advice on this subject.

I am in my 20's and have never had sex through personal choice. I consider myself gay but have always been nervous about the thought of doing anything with anyone.

Which brings us to the smear test, I have been for an appointment and did not manage to get through it. I ended up in tears and the nurse was so lovely to me about it, but I felt so embarrassed as I found it too scary and painful.

I know as a virgin my risk is lower but would it be unreasonable of me to not go again, it would it be better for me to talk to a doctor about my fears?

Sorry for long post and thankyou in advance for any advice

OP posts:
KT63 · 18/04/2018 07:07

I put mine off for ages, because I was afraid and panicky. So I understand that part, I think it’s worth finding someone to talk to about it. I also told the nurse who was doing my smear and she was really lovely, even when I broke down.
My mum died of cervical cancer last year, she wasn’t in the age bracket and it was caught too late. Which scared me enough to go for mine. Honestly, if she hadn’t, I probably still wouldn’t have.
It’s totally worth getting your smear done, but it’s also worth finding a way to help you overcome your fears because they can’t just be dismissed too, nor should they be.

it was a giant cotton bud for my last one

KT63 · 18/04/2018 07:07

Oh and I have a ridiculously low pain threshold and cannot abide being exposed in front of strangers but actually it didn’t hurt and she was so kind that she allayed my fears, so hopefully you can find someone who will help you.

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 18/04/2018 07:15

I didn’t have one for 8 years after childbirth. The medical staff couldn’t do it (couldn’t get my cervix open and I was in agony with them trying) I demanded they stop, as is my right as a patient and they agreed it wasn’t going to work. When I finally had it done it was painful but manageable.

It’s not a case of not hurting for everyone.

Original poster
TrudeauGirl · 18/04/2018 07:18

My mum died of cervical cancer last year, she wasn’t in the age bracket and it was caught too late. Which scared me enough to go for mine

I'm so sorry to hear that.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 18/04/2018 07:28

No one likes them but it's part of being a woman that you need to have them done.

Since when did women become incapable of making their own informed decisions about screening tests? You say you are a practice nurse. What is the risk of a virgin developing hpv related cervical cancer? Vanishingly small.

Op I’ve made the decision not to attend smears because I’ve only ever slept with my husband (he’s the same). It’s totally reasonable to decide not to go but do it on the basis of information not fear.

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 18/04/2018 07:35

“Part is being a woman”

Yep like being ignored and ripped apart during childbirth Hmm just let them do it again without a murmur, little woman.

What a shit attitude

LiteraryDevil · 18/04/2018 07:37

Purple cervical cancer isn't just caused by HPV and if you'd read my post you'd see that we aren't just screening for cancer but checking other things too in the process.

LiteraryDevil · 18/04/2018 07:38

Sprinkles not sure what they were trying to do but a smear does not involve opening the cervix.

KT63 · 18/04/2018 07:40

@TrudeauGirl thank you. I didn’t mean to scare you saying that, I was trying to explain that it took something huge and devastating for me to work up the courage to go for mine. So I fully understand why you’re frightened and anxious, and I think it’s really good that you’ve recognised that and want to be able to go for your smear.

KT63 · 18/04/2018 07:42

Op I’ve made the decision not to attend smears because I’ve only ever slept with my husband (he’s the same). It’s totally reasonable to decide not to go but do it on the basis of information not fear.

That’s entirely your choice, and I’m not trying to change your mind. But as an aside, my parents were virgins when they met and only ever slept with each other. Despite a random cunt on here once saying my Mum got cancer because my dad must have cheated, he didn’t and they didn’t. So that’s not a guarantee.
Again, fully your decision, just explaining that multiple or more than one partner isn’t the only way you could get CC.

Original poster
TrudeauGirl · 18/04/2018 07:43

I didn’t mean to scare you saying that, I was trying to explain that it took something huge and devastating for me to work up the courage to go for mine.

No you didn't scare me at all, it's experiences like yours that push me to want to be able to do this. Thankyou for sharing.

OP posts:
PerfectlyDone · 18/04/2018 07:43

Of course your risk of cervical Ca is very small, so whether or not you are having your smear done is IMO not the real issue here.

However your fear IS.
Please see your GP and be as honest as you have been on here. Find out what psycho-sexual counselling might be available in your area - this can be very successful for the kind of difficulties you are describing. You do not have to leave with a fear of sex Thanks

Of course women can make their own decisions, just like men, but it is fully understanding those and then owning the possible consequences of those decisions that can be tricky.

gingertigercat · 18/04/2018 07:45

Op in your position I wouldn't go personally but it's entirely up to you. I think an honest chat with your dr about your fears would certainly help. I would also explain that you are a Virgin, do not use tampons etc as this may change their advice.

I have always found smears very painful despite being sexually active and if you do choose to go, I would take some painkillers before hand and be very honest with your nurse as speculums come in sizes and I imagine in your case they would offer you the smallest one.

claraschu · 18/04/2018 07:47

If HPV causes cervical cancer, why are virgins given smear tests at all?

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 18/04/2018 07:54

Presumably medical staff don’t know who is a virgin and who isn’t?

Literary how do they get scrapings from the cervix wall then? Either way they have to get in there.

KT63 · 18/04/2018 07:55

@Sprinklesinmyelbow because your cervix is open unless pregnant. They described it like a “fleshy doughnut” (put me right off doughnuts!) and it’s just a sweep round the open cervix.

PerfectlyDone · 18/04/2018 07:56

The HPV risk of virgins is not zero.

Smear invitations are issues by age groups - there is no way for health boards to know who is sexually active and who is not Grin

Smears can be done on virgins, just like virgins can use tampons.
It takes an experiences smear taker, a relaxed woman and a small speculum, and when all those conditions are in place, does not need to be an unpleasant experience (awkwardness of legs akimbo etc notwithstanding - it's not like I enjoy my smears either....).

Original poster
TrudeauGirl · 18/04/2018 07:57

Please see your GP and be as honest as you have been on here. Find out what psycho-sexual counselling might be available in your area

Until I asked on here I didn't realise psycho-sexual counselling was a thing, so you've all given me such good advice. I'm very grateful Flowers

OP posts:
KT63 · 18/04/2018 07:58

I’m glad you felt able to start this thread and hopefully it’s helped. Despite what many say, a smear can feel very daunting and scary. And it’s ok to feel that way. Actually worrying about it was worse than having it in my case!

nursy1 · 18/04/2018 08:10

cervix is open unless pregnant
KT63. Just to correct - your cervix only ever opens during childbirth. It’s a very small hole through to the uterus otherwise. ( don’t want people thinking there’s a gap up there all the time)

pigmcpigface · 18/04/2018 08:11

Listen, every woman has a choice not to go if she doesn't want to. The whole basis of the screening programme is informed consent, not coercion, and not force.

You are at low risk of HPV if you're not sexually active, and at very low risk of cervical cancer in your 20s. However, it's not 100%. HPV is one of those viruses that it's surprisingly easy to get - a bit like a cold. It's around us all the time - most women have had it. It seems likely that contact short of sex can still lead to HPV infection - it may even be possible to get it from the environment (things like towels).

I think my concern would be this: you are sadly going to age, as we all do, and you will probably get a sexual partner and become sexually active. This will change your risk. If you have accustomed yourself to smear tests by that point, going will be one of those things that's annoying, undignified and involves a bit of discomfort, not a huge psychological ordeal. So there will be long term benefits of going through this now, and of getting any help (counselling etc) that you need early on.

Good luck!

Silvercatowner · 18/04/2018 08:18

It's your choice whether to go for a smear. No-one finds them pleasant, they are undignified and uncomfortable at best. However the treatment for cervical cancer will be far, far worse - that needs to be factored into your informed decision.

LemonScentedStickyBat · 18/04/2018 08:21

OP has been vaccinated and never been sexually active, and has no other risk factors. Not sure many posters here are understanding how absolutely tiny her risk of cervical cancer is.

PaulDacreRimsGeese · 18/04/2018 08:42

True lemon, and not much evidence of weighing this up against the potential risks of screening either.

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 18/04/2018 09:26

Well mine clearly wasn’t open enough.

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