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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To choose not go for smear test.

177 replies

TrudeauGirl · 17/04/2018 22:36

I feel bad posting on this site as I'm not a mother but I have been a long time reader of this website and you all seem like really kind people and I would value your kind advice on this subject.

I am in my 20's and have never had sex through personal choice. I consider myself gay but have always been nervous about the thought of doing anything with anyone.

Which brings us to the smear test, I have been for an appointment and did not manage to get through it. I ended up in tears and the nurse was so lovely to me about it, but I felt so embarrassed as I found it too scary and painful.

I know as a virgin my risk is lower but would it be unreasonable of me to not go again, it would it be better for me to talk to a doctor about my fears?

Sorry for long post and thankyou in advance for any advice

OP posts:
SpringNowPlease2018 · 17/04/2018 23:01

Bsorry the main link is this

www.bmj.com/content/326/7395/901

Caulk · 17/04/2018 23:01

Where does the fear come from (genuine question)?

Ten years of sexual abuse as a teen and then a rape in my 20s. I become retraumatised when someone sticks something into me which I feel I have no control over, and cannot predict how long it will last for, if there will be pain or how to fix myself back together after.

NellMangel · 17/04/2018 23:01

I put mine off until I started having sex. I seem to remember the nurse offering me an alternative procedure after she'd asked me if I was a virgin - but can't think what that would involve.

auntilin · 17/04/2018 23:03

I think given your situation, you are not being unreasonable at all.

Not every one has smear tests, for various individual reasons.

Original poster
TrudeauGirl · 17/04/2018 23:04

I apologise if my messages aren't replying to people's posts I'm having trouble replying to individual ones. (Newbie)

The fear for me comes from a fear of sex and it's the intrusive part that bothers me, not so much the embarrassment.

Thanks for the links guys :-) will give them a read

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 17/04/2018 23:05

Do you have a history of abuse? Physical or emotional?

DieSchottin93 · 17/04/2018 23:08

I was still a virgin when I got my first letter about getting a smear test (this was a few years ago when the screening age in Scotland was still 20), I phoned up my GP surgery and explained and they told me to make an appointment once I was sexually active. Give your surgery a ring and see what they suggest.

Viviennemary · 17/04/2018 23:08

Your risk is very low. I wouldn't have the test in your position. But you need to talk it over with your doctor.

Original poster
TrudeauGirl · 17/04/2018 23:08

No, no history of abuse, so the fear of sex is a mystery to me, but I've been scared since I was a young teen

OP posts:
TipTopTat · 17/04/2018 23:10

You know whats scarier? Being dead in your 20s. Get a grip.

TipTopTat · 17/04/2018 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
TrudeauGirl · 17/04/2018 23:12

This is my first time posting and I came here for advice. Not a wank thread. But I appreciate everyone's advice. It's helped a lot.

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 17/04/2018 23:14

TipTopTat To be fair, if it reminds at least one woman to book a smear then it's only for the greater good. I'm not sure about this either but I hope a woman might come across it and think they might need to book a smear. There is no dignity in cancer or death.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 17/04/2018 23:15

It was always my understanding that you font need a smear if you're not sexually active BUT check with your doctor whether this is still the case.

I had one on Monday and even though I've had 3 children and all that entails, I still dread them. I hate any medical appointments, including dental, but always see them through as they are there for a reason.

Speak to a doctor and get the right advice x

Original poster
TrudeauGirl · 17/04/2018 23:16

I'm a woman, and this was a genuine ask for advice. I'm sorry if you think it isn't. Again I'll take people's advice on board.

OP posts:
Melamin · 17/04/2018 23:21

Read the NHS page and make your own mind up. Learn as much as you can about it. It is worth taking the time to find out as much as you can from as many reliable sources as possible. Then work it out for yourself Wink

Ski40 · 17/04/2018 23:21

Please try to go if at all possible. I know it's hard, we all hate it, but every time I see a news article about a young girl dying of cervical cancer because she was too young for a test, embarrassed etc it breaks my heart. It's 10 minutes and it could save your life. Best wishes xx

Original poster
TrudeauGirl · 17/04/2018 23:23

Thankyou xxx

OP posts:
BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 17/04/2018 23:23

@Melamin

Speculum then a giant cotton bud for a swab. If there is another method, tell me now so I can go and demand a different one!!

@TrudeauGirl no one likes them, but theyre a necessary evil. Ive had three kids and I still dread mine.Talk to a doctor who understands and you can trust.

BMW6 · 17/04/2018 23:27

Your body, your choice IMHO.
But it does sound like you have anxiety over sex and related issues so some counselling may be beneficial.
In my extensive experience (am over 60) smear tests are awkward, somewhat embarrassing and occasionally painful - but worth not dying of ovarian cancer.
But thats my choice - its not as if immortality was an option is it!

WeAreEternal · 17/04/2018 23:27

You are only BU if you actually want to have a smear.

People who want one but put it off because they are afraid, feel traumatised by it, are embarrassed or have a history of abuse ABU to not seek help to overcome these fears and get the test if they want it.

But if a woman has made the decision not to have the test because she doesn’t want to, thinks it is unnecessary, doesn’t agree with the propaganda surrounding them or doesn’t believe they are beneficial she IDNBU to not have one and shouldn’t be emotionally blackmailed into it.

Your cervix/vagina/body your choice.

Leksa · 17/04/2018 23:28

YANBU. It's your body and you get to decide what happens to it. You don't owe it to anyone else to have the test done and you're not silly or immature to choose not to.

As you're still a virgin, you might want to look into getting the HPV vaccination done (if you can afford it, obviously, I realise not everyone can). I'm also not sexually active and have chosen not to have smear tests. I've had the vaccination and that helped with my worries about the cancer risk. It's very low for virgins anyway.

nailslikesnails · 17/04/2018 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Melamin · 17/04/2018 23:30

Speculum then a giant cotton bud for a swab. If there is another method, tell me now so I can go and demand a different one!!

It is now a cervical brush www.google.com/search?q=cervical+brush&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjImfTUrcLaAhUrCMAKHQ8-DekQ_AUICigB&biw=1280&bih=906
Before that it was a funny shaped wooden spatuala.

The giant cotton bud is for infection?

TheJoyOfSox · 17/04/2018 23:30

Can you have a chat with the nurse beforehand, let her know everything you’ve told us and ask her just what she will do.

Things are often more scarey when you don’t know what is going on, I promise you it’s nowhere near as bad as you imagine. It’s uncomfortable, a bit embarrassing if you have never experienced any sort of internal examination before but it’s quick and the nurses are usually lovely.