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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To choose not go for smear test.

177 replies

TrudeauGirl · 17/04/2018 22:36

I feel bad posting on this site as I'm not a mother but I have been a long time reader of this website and you all seem like really kind people and I would value your kind advice on this subject.

I am in my 20's and have never had sex through personal choice. I consider myself gay but have always been nervous about the thought of doing anything with anyone.

Which brings us to the smear test, I have been for an appointment and did not manage to get through it. I ended up in tears and the nurse was so lovely to me about it, but I felt so embarrassed as I found it too scary and painful.

I know as a virgin my risk is lower but would it be unreasonable of me to not go again, it would it be better for me to talk to a doctor about my fears?

Sorry for long post and thankyou in advance for any advice

OP posts:
Dungeondragon15 · 18/04/2018 18:24

Also, I don't know if anyone has mentioned it but you could consider getting the HPV vaccine to reduce your risk when/if you are no longer a virgin in the future. You probably would have to pay for it though.

stitchglitched · 18/04/2018 18:30

Primary HPV screening is going to be rolled out nationally soon- I am in a pilot area so have already experienced it and studies show it is a better diagnostic tool than the current methods. I don't see what benefit someone who has never been sexually active would get from a smear.

phescreening.blog.gov.uk/2017/06/14/what-gps-need-to-know-about-the-introduction-of-primary-hpv-testing-in-cervical-screening/

babycham75 · 18/04/2018 18:32

Anyone who doesn't attend for a smear is mental.
I work in radiotherapy and the treatment is horrendous. Internal and external treatment and chemo.

KT63 · 18/04/2018 18:43

@babycham75

your choice of wording leaves a lot to be desired. There are several examples on this thread alone of why it may be difficult or complex to go for a smear. Telling someone they’re “mental” isn’t helpful is it? In general and in this circumstance.

And yes, I know what the treatment entails because I watched my mother endure it. It’s fucking horrific. Still doesn’t excuse your bluntness which I hope isn’t apparent to your patients!

Bringmejavabringmejoy · 18/04/2018 18:46

Babycham - if you really are a HCP then your post is irresponsible. Many thousands of women have to undergo pelvic radiation for many cancers, including cervical. It really is unprofessional to describe it as "horrendous". In some cases it will be, but not all by any means so don't be alarmist.

Many women who get cervical cancer have had regular smear tests.

mimibunz · 18/04/2018 19:01

Just wondering if you would benefit from a consultation with the nurse at your GP’s office. She could explain the procedure and just have a nice chat with you. Then again you can always wait and see how you feel in a few years, whilst mentally becoming acclimatised to the idea. Whatever you decide, YNBU!

Baubletrouble43 · 18/04/2018 20:56

I don't know what the stats are on risk for virgins. But I didn't lose my virginity till I was 17 and at 20 had only had 2 partners ( whom I hadn't had a lot of sex with) . At 20 abnormal precancerous cells were found during my smear and I had I think a colposcopy? ( it was a long time ago!) I've always remembered the doctors words- she said if it had gone undetected it would have developed into cancer in about ten years . Please get a smear.

iamyourequal · 18/04/2018 21:03

OP you need to be brave and get it done. Ask at the surgery for the kindest nurse there to take the smear. Get a prescription from you GP for a couple of pills to mellow you out beforehand so you aren’t so worried. This is something you can do.

PleaseDontGoadTheToad · 19/04/2018 00:02

I think you should contact your GP surgery and explain the situation to them. They will be in a far better position to advise whether you need to have a smear test as a virgin.

TSSDNCOP · 19/04/2018 00:09

Thanks Babycham you totes added to the debate.

nursy1 · 19/04/2018 09:12

so where do they take the cells from?
Bringmejoy
If you purse your lips up tight into a sort of “cats arse” face that would be a good approximation of your cervix which sits at the top of your vagina.
We widen your vagina ( a little) with a speculum and shine a bright light up there so we can get a really good view. Then we put a small specially shaped brush into the tiny hole through your cervix and twirl it round. It doesn’t go right in, there isn’t room. Just at the start of the cervix is something called the transformation zone. TZ. To go back to the pursed mouth analogy it’s like where the skin of your lips changes to the inside skin of your moth. Hopefully, the twirling collects a few cells which are analysed.

Dungeondragon15 · 19/04/2018 09:25

I don't know what the stats are on risk for virgins. But I didn't lose my virginity till I was 17 and at 20 had only had 2 partners ( whom I hadn't had a lot of sex with) . At 20 abnormal precancerous cells were found during my smear and I had I think a colposcopy? ( it was a long time ago!)

It doesn't matter if you lost your virginity only three years previously! The fact is that you probably were infected with HPV and although it normally takes longer for cervical cancer to develop from this (if ever) your risk would have been much higher than someone who had not sexual contact ever. OP is at much lower risk than you were and it would not be unreasonable to not have a cervical smear.

Dungeondragon15 · 19/04/2018 09:28

And by the way people under the age of 25 were often misdiagnosed as having abnormal precancerous cells which is why they stopped doing smears on 20 year olds.

trickyboots · 19/04/2018 09:34

Firstly I'd find out the nhs position on smears for people who haven't had sex yet. The nhs guidelines are backed by the best available research (that's not to say there's not valid sufficiently evidenced based different approaches or fringe medicine) and despite what internet people I'd still be inclined to go with what the nhs says. If they say you should have one I would work up to having one, by whatever means. I'm lucky in that exhaling and relaxing really does make it painless. I can feel the cotton bud and that's a bit wierd but it's ok! Good luck.

Baubletrouble43 · 19/04/2018 09:56

Thank you dungeondragon that's quite interesting ... I didn't know about misdiagnosis.

AspelK · 19/04/2018 11:49

A few years ago I was in a similar position. I was terrified of sex and could not have a smear.

I refused them as I too was very low risk. So I think you are not being unreasonable at all. BUT I would strongly advise you to get help with this.

I was diagnosed with vaginismus and I got help with it, and now have 1DC and another on the way. I have eventually overcome the fear of sex, and I have regular smear tests (all been fine so far 🤞). Smear tests are still difficult for me (despite having a child) - I have to have a small speculum and diazepam beforehand. And I'm requesting a c-section with this pregnancy because some things from the birth of DC1 did set me back.

I'm not trying to diagnose, and I'm not saying you have this or will have the same experience. But things don't have to stay as they are - speak to your doctor and you may well be able to have a smear in the future.

Original poster
TrudeauGirl · 19/04/2018 12:00

Little update

I've since had a telephone conversation with a sister at my surgery. She told me that we would take things slowly and get me used to the idea of the smear. I have an appointment with her in two weeks to discuss options. She mentioned the counselling aswell if I can't get around the fear.

Thanks guys, without this thread and your advice I would have never evwn attempted to book another test. Flowers

OP posts:
Melamin · 19/04/2018 12:11

Try and get the counselling. It is probably more important to work out your problems around the fear. This will probably do you a lot of good in other areas too. As others have said, your actual risk is somewhere around floor-level. You do not have to wait for an invitation for a smear if you decline now. If you have not had one in the last 3 years and are over 25, then you are entitled to have one if you ask. The labs will not do them closer than 3 years.

If you want a smear because you are worried about symptoms and you are up to date with smears or under 25, your GP should refer you on for investigations of (or investigate) those symptoms.

Original poster
TrudeauGirl · 19/04/2018 12:31

Try and get the counselling. It is probably more important to work out your problems around the fear.

I think this is very true, will help me in the long run.

OP posts:
Oblomov18 · 19/04/2018 12:36

I hate smears more than I hate anything else. I've been putting mine off for years.

Melamin · 19/04/2018 12:39

Yes it will - achieving the smear may help you in other ways, but it is not the most important thing here. The important goal is to have a happy healthy life, and that goes beyond medical tests Smile

You may have to push for it but it has been presented as a possibility so go ask for it.

sundowners · 19/04/2018 12:44

OP- I too didn't go/put off having a smear for years. Kept being written asking to go in. The "Jade Goody effect" worked for me and finally I went in. I have a tilted pelvis, so they had to use an extra long/bendy apparatus on me. Was awkward, uncomfy, but as soon as you have your pants off, legs open and they get cracking, its honestly over in a flash. My results came back...abnormal, I had a pre-cancerous cells needing urgent removal, so had a procedure to remove them.
If I hadn't gone in, they would have become cancerous... Because of my risk I had to go through 3 smears/colposcopy's a year for 5 years. But even though always uncomfortable due to my pelvis, knowing what they can find, and prevent from happening if you go, is enough for me to endure 5 minutes of this- for fingers crossed- a lifetime of good health.

Also at 1 of my subsequent smears- they identified and removed some old scar tissue from the birth of DC1 that my midwives haven't bothered to check/deal with- so almost see it as a MOT for your vagina while you're there- def worth it!
With this and having 2 babies, lying with legs in stirrups and people prodding around down there has become strangely normal to me now! They stare at 100's of fannies every week, honestly don't be put off. Smile

Dungeondragon15 · 19/04/2018 12:44

This is NHS advice

www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/964.aspx?CategoryID=118&SubCategoryID=121

NHS advice is that women who have never been sexually active have a very low risk. They may therefore decide not to have a cervical screening test when invited. However, you can still have a test if you want one.

i.e. the NHS doesn't really think it is necessary but you can have one if you really want to.

Pinkponiesrock · 19/04/2018 12:50

Well done OP, it takes a lot to recognise your fears and then to make a plan to deal with them. Fingers crossed for your next appointment!

I think we are so lucky to be provided with an incredible life saving screening service for free, there are millions of women around the world who would be so glad of the opportunity. I always think of the reaction that I would get from these women if I said I didn’t want to go for my smear test.

I will admit it’s not my favourite activity but it is probably one of the most important things I do for my body.

SilverDoe · 19/04/2018 15:59

I haven't RTFT yet because I am really upset by some of you.

OP, you don't have to justify where your fear or anxiety comes from, people can easily give you sound advice, regardless of their opinion for or against, without knowing the ins and outs of why you feel that way.

I don't know if you realise but it can come across as really rude and uncouth to just ask someone who has explained already that they are uncomfortable with something they feel is invasive, if they have been raped or abused. Is it really necessary?