Last week my DW found out she was pregnant (Or at least has positive tests).
She came off the pill about a year ago as we had discussed and I thought agreed that we wanted a child, we were not stressing ourselves about what would happen as life is always busy and we are fairly laid back about things so it has just happened.
The look on her face when she told me crushed me, I could see she wasn't happy and we tried to discuss it when she said that she doesn't want a child, has no maternal instinct and doesn't want it to ruin our lives (I'm obv. paraphrasing but this was my takeaway).
We have been together over 10 years, married for a little over half of that and have had very few issues, when we first got together we talked about kids in the future and my DW opinion started as first a house and marriage and then kids, we got married and talked again about kids, my DW was less sure but said maybe in a few years. Fast forward a few years and we have bought a house and about a year later we agreed that she would stop taking the pill and well here we are....
We have had a couple of bad arguments in the last few days, somehow expertly managing to avoid the issue of pregnancy and just spiteful back and forth (Mainly my fault). I want to be able to sit down with her, have a proper conversation about what we should do.
The rather unfortunate position we have found ourselves in is that we are both doing what the other person wants, she knows I am desperate for children and will have one so I am happy but I know it will not make her happy and I do not want to lose her under any circumstances. I desperately want to sit down and talk to her about names, nursery and all that stuff but I can't. I cannot cope with how unhappy she is and just feel selfish about bringing it up.
This sounds awful I know but part of me wants her to say she just doesn't want to be pregnant and say she wants to abort or in my darkest moments that she miscarries or this is eptopic. I don't want this from selfish perspectives I just want her to be happy.
I don't know what to do and am so conflicted, I feel so selfish.
I know this is rambling but I don't know how to express this properly.
Also if I made my DW sound anything but amazing it was not my intention, she is my life!