To be really shocked at this behaviour in a 12 year old.

[Quiddichcup]

My daughter knows someone at school, maybe just 12, possibly 11.

We are aware she self harms and I contacted the school out of safeguarding concerns when dd came home from school and told me..dd was shocked and worried and had a few sleepless nights over it..

Dd is back from her dad's and has shown me a text this girl sent her about attempting to comitt suicide. Dd didn't reply and is really shaken up. I have emailed the safeguarding lead at the school.

11/ 12 is so young, I'm really struggling to get my head around it and it's not something I think dd should be exposed to, it's not something anyone should have to deal with, but 11/ 12 year olds?

That’s a really young age. But with access to computers and iPads and phones it’s very easy to follow what other people are doing. Have you seen evidence that the said child is harming herself? I would keep your child away from her either way lying or not she sound no good for your child to be around especially as she is loosing sleep. Contact the school about the message.

You’ve done the right thing OP. You have to put this in the hands of the school and support your own DD through it. I think it’s worth contacting her head of year to tell them how your DD is affected by it as she may well need support too.

You did the right thing OP. I assume school will contact Social Services. Sadly it is not unheard of for that she group to attempt suicide.

I am not sure I really understand. It reads almost as if you're judging this child for her behaviour and wanting to keep the bad influence away from your daughter.
It is horrible and shocking and a dreadful thought to thing that children self harm or even attempt suicide. But they do. I would focus on supporting your own child and ensuring she knows she can talk to you.

I agree with wolfie. I completely understand you want to protect your own dd from being upset by this but you are coming across as if you're judging this poor girl somehow? Hopefully I've got that wrong..

My 11 yo ds has just been referred to camhs for some mental health issues. He can't help it and I'd hate to think it would make him an outcast.

I'm not judging the child who is saying this. I'm utterly horrified that a child so young can feel like this and don't really understand.

The child has heavily marked arms so sadly there is proof.

I have asked the school to speak to dd to and to reassure her they will make sure she is ok. Dd isn't friends with her but equally doesn't want to just ignore her when she's saying things like this.

Its an epidemic in schools OP and you sound very judgemental.

Focus on your own child and help her navigate this world she’s growing up in and hopefully you won’t be the mother of a child who other mothers want to protect their kids from.

YANBU

Alerting the school is the best thing to do, and to reassure your daughter

The child may or may not be doing serious harm to herself. But either way, she’s obviously very unhappy.

I tried to hurt myself at that age, although it was incredibly minor. I remember confessing to my head of year when she actually wanted me to confess to something different that I hadn’t actually done. As far as I’m aware she never notified my parents, which looking back is wrong. I would hope that now parents would be involved unless to do so would put the child at more risk (eg abuse).

OK, fair enough. Sorry I misread you. You've done the right thing reporting it to school - and asking for support for your own dd. Hopefully both kids will get the help they need. It's heartbreaking to think of such a young child in so much pain. It's my own worst nightmare for my ds that he could end up that poorly.

I'm so sorry neversurrender, your poor little girl and poor you

All you can do is talk to your daughter, try to explain what mental illness is and praise her- she is clearly a good person who cares about her friend.

Please don't tell her to avoid this girl- that sends the message that people with mental health problems should be treated like outcasts. Hardly an attitude you want to encourage.

I don’t think you are judging and are obviously concerned for your dd as a friend of a troubled child. You have done the right thing in informing the school. Is there a pastoral care team who would also speak to your dd as she must be feeling confused about her role as a friend. When my friend attempted suicide (14 yo) the rest of our group were all feeling we should have been better friends, included her more, rang her, complimented her. It obviously went deeper than us but we felt guilty. Luckily the school supported us.

I'm sorry about your daughter op.

It's a very difficult subject and not one i was expecting to be dealing with really, especially not so young.

Dd isn't friends with her, she doesn't like drama and gossip and stays away from this girl for that reason. However she has been there for her when this girl reached out and has spent a large amount of time trying to get her to talk to a teacher.

She's just 12 herself.

I've told her she's done the right thing and we have every open conversations all the time, but it's still something that's really shocking to me. 12 is so young.

OP you've done the right thing to tell the school.

Talk to your dd. Reassure her it is not something she needs to worry about but rather to pass on any and all texts etc to you and for you to take that burden and report to the right authorities at school.

Yes, 11/12 is young, but it is much more common now.

Take a look at

www.papyrus-uk.org/ Papyrus - prevention of young suicide

and NHS

www.nhs.uk/conditions/suicide/

You don't necessarily need to show them to your dd, although could.

Are you friends with the other girls family?

My dd has had some minor issues with mental health, minor compared to this, and CAMHS have been helpful, but slow. I am not sure what is causing all this, but I fear the internet is not helping at all. Ironically, it is a place to seek help so who knows!

Lovely, I am sure this isn't about your dd.

This poor girl is in a different situation and I was just explaining that they were not friends to begin with. They are just in a few classes together.

I think my dd is on the spectrum too @NeverSurrender and her friends have been massively supportive with other issues. I don't think all friends will not want to be around children with mental health issues, but some will, and I feel it is up to each child and parent to decide for themselves.

Luckily, my dd has been friends with some girls for about a lifetime and they don't have similar issues so it is not difficult for them to stay good friends.

For me, if another friend was struggling and needed to stay away, I would just accept it, and I expect dd would too. There will be a mix of responses and hopefully parents can help children cope when school friends struggle.

I don't know the girls parents. As I said they aren't friends, they are just in a few classes.

This girl tried to be friends with my dd back in September but dd didn't like her because of the drama/ gossip. Dd isn't rude and wouldn't ignore her but just didn't hang out with her other than see her in lessons.

She has been there when she's reached out but I don't think she should feel that she has to be friends with her now just because of this. While i feel awful this has happened it's not up to dd to try to fix it.

That sounds very harsh but it's not like they were even friendly before.

They clearly are friends if she has your daughter's mobile number and confides in her about things like this.

Just to play devils advocate, please let your DD know she is not responsible for this girl or saving her from herself. She’s only a child.

My DS is 11 and had a girl he hardly know texting him stuff about self harming, detailing what she was going to do to herself, sending photos etc. DS was extremely withdrawn for a few weeks before he told me what was going on. I absolutely did stop him from talking to her. The effect on him was massive. He’s a kid himself and it’s not his job to convince someone not to pour boiling tea on themselves.

I reported to the school and social services obviously.

How horribly sad, OP. I don't know about suicide, but my cousin was definitely self harming fairly regularly by this age. In her case it was due to heavy bullying at school, although of course there will be as many reasons as people.

Really hope this girl is able to get help and your DD knows she's done the right thing in telling an adult.

I'm glad you're getting the support you need neversurrender. I totally get what you mean about worrying about being judged. I feel the same.

I'm not sure what the drama and gossip comment means in relation to a child with mental health problems op?