Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh ordering medication online

669 replies

meadowposy · 15/04/2018 11:46

I've found out about it because he's doing it through my name.

I don't know what to think about it and I'm asking here... Are these sites always dodgy? I can't talk to him about it as he tells me to be quiet and I don't know what I am talking about.

OP posts:
HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 15/04/2018 12:27

He definitely would not go to his GP - it would have serious implications due to safeguarding and other reasons I won't go into.
The problem is something of a catch 22 between him needing help but being unable to access that help

Actually he can access help via his GP for prescription drug addiction.
However that will have consequences, and he is choosing not to face those. However part of treating drug addiction is facing the consequences of your addiction. If he won't accept those consequences he is unlikely to be able to stop his drug addiction.

If he is a health care professional himself then there are organisations to help HCP with drug addictions as sadly it is not uncommon. Eg PHP for doctors. There are probably other organisations for other professions. Professionally it is better that he seek help himself rather than waiting to be reported by someone else!

If he is already addicted to codeine and now addicted to pregabalin then he is in a messy situation and it will worsen over time.

Original poster
meadowposy · 15/04/2018 12:27

Not entitled to child benefit.

I have tried to talk to him but honestly he gets so angry and defensive I end up just desperately agreeing with him about everything to get him to stop shouting. I know its a mess.

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 15/04/2018 12:28

How are things generally in the marriage?

Presumably you are a SAHM? Is he going to work normally? Have you noticed any significant changes in his behaviour? Is he ill or just after a high?

He seems to be doing the blame and avoid wrt telling you that it's none of your business.

How old are the dc?

The thing with addicts is that they need to change of their own volition. Everything else is futile. They sometimes need to lose it all and hit rock bottom before they see the light. Of course friends and family can support and the lucky ones can manage with that level of support but often times it will be to the detriment of their supporters.

JackietheBackie · 15/04/2018 12:29

It does seem like he is well under the cosh of addictive behaviour and this isn’t a safe place for you or your children. You need to think very carefully about keeping them safe and accessing help and support for you to do that. He is being financially controlling and emotionally abusive.

Unfortunately, he is going to have to live with the consequences of his addiction. You need to protect your children.

JaniceBattersby · 15/04/2018 12:29

But if there are safeguarding issues, then there are safeguarding issues. Think of the children being affected by his addiction. You need to act to protect yourself and others.

UpstartCrow · 15/04/2018 12:31

He's a drug addict and he is letting his addiction destroy you.

You need to get help for yourself and your children asap. Phone Womens Aid.

LimonViola · 15/04/2018 12:32

You clearly know he has a problem with abusing and being dependent on substances. If he's buying a prescription only medication online without it being prescribed for him by a doctor then he is well into his addiction now. The fact he's buying it through his name AND yours shows the amount he can get through one name isn't enough for him and he wants as much as possible.

As PP have said, people sometimes use pregabalin to assist with opiate withdrawal. Is he attempting some kind of home detox from the codeine? He needs to leave you out of it, but it doesn't sound like you feel you have any real ability to make that happen. You sound beholden to him.

TammySwansonTwo · 15/04/2018 12:32

I’m really concerned about you. As PPs have said, should there ever be a custody case there is documentation linking you to the illegal purchase of prescription drugs.

At the very least, you need to tell him no more buying in your name ever again, or you will notify authorities and his GP.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 15/04/2018 12:33

Presumably he is also using your name as he is ordering more pregabalin than even a dodgy online service will sell to one person, so he is pretending it is for two people.

Firstly I would worry about unintentional overdose/ harm. Long term these drugs can cause harm.
Secondly about his drug use escalating either to stronger prescription drugs or illegal drugs (I knew someone who moved from prescription drug addiction to illegal drug addiction as couldn't get enough prescription drugs to meet escalating needs).
Thirdly about it coming out and causing much more harm re the safeguarding concerns than if he voluntarily sought help.

So as difficult as it is, I'd want him to seek help through proper channels.

LimonViola · 15/04/2018 12:34

You can email the companies he buying meds from and let them know someone is using your name to buy drugs and ask them not to make any sales to your name and address.

Juells · 15/04/2018 12:35

Why are you not entitled to Child Benefit?

LizzieDarcy1907 · 15/04/2018 12:35

Haven't you posted about him before, OP? He's in healthcare and addicted to codeine?

You're doing him no favours by enabling him.

If my DH ordered drugs online using my name and card, I'd report him to the Police in a heartbeat.

Original poster
meadowposy · 15/04/2018 12:36

I honestly don't think the children are in any danger whatsoever. They really arent. He uses the codeine to wind down but he's on a lot of medication for other things and he overdoses on baclofen too.

But he works, he is definitely not very engaged with us all due to his addiction as he spends a lot of time on it. So after work he will drive to three or four different pharmacies buying codeine. We were on holiday last week and only had one hire car and I got annoyed as so much time was on finding pharmacies. So he says he will quit but then he says needs another medication to help him. If I challenged him he'd say I wasn't being supportive.

OP posts:
Original poster
meadowposy · 15/04/2018 12:37

No I haven't lizzie. But if you think you know me I'd better get the thread removed. This is so hard I can't do this. How can I talk to anybody at all?

OP posts:
FASH84 · 15/04/2018 12:38

Hi, I work with offenders and those on mandatory drug testing for other substances are desperate to get their GP to prescribe pregabalin. Those who have some money but it online. It does have street value and is commonly abused. That and codeine/opiate advise are often linked to outbursts of aggressive behaviour. Your children are not in a safe environment and neither are you. He either goes to the GP (I'd suggest with you there, addicts can be very devious), or you need to get out of the relationship.

LimonViola · 15/04/2018 12:38

OP, seek out Al Anon or Na Anon. Google and go to a meeting. They'll be able to provide you with support so your husband's addictions don't tank you all.

Slartybartfast · 15/04/2018 12:38

But you are being supportive of him by challenging him.
you cannot let this go op.
wake up

AlmostAJillSandwich · 15/04/2018 12:40

Heaven forbid one of your children finds his stash in the house and takes some, becomes seriously ill and dies, or is left brain damaged and in need of care for the rest of their lives.

Presumably he is in a job where he has responsibility over others, given what you said about safe guarding. A healthcare professional or a teacher maybe? You're knowingly putting the people under his care in danger by not reporting that he's a drug addict and under the influence!

On top of all of this, you're the one whose name and and bank account details are being used to buy all this stuff, you will almost certainly be held accountable as a drug dealer as you're admitting you know he's doing it and aren't stopping him.

Tell someone NOW, or forever have to live with the guilt if he, one of your children, or someone he's responsible for, end up seriously hurt or dead.

I genuinely have to ask, how, as a parent, can you let this man be living with your children? Be left in charge of caring for them? Be willing to put HIM before THEM by not getting them out of this situation? Because if this all comes out later, you'll probably lose them.

LizzieDarcy1907 · 15/04/2018 12:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FASH84 · 15/04/2018 12:41

You don't think the children are at risk but they are growing up in this environment

^^have tried to talk to him but honestly he gets so angry and defensive I end up just desperately agreeing with him about everything to get him to stop shouting. I know its a mess.

Slartybartfast · 15/04/2018 12:42

lizzie - i dont think you should be quoting previous posts, same poster or not.

maras2 · 15/04/2018 12:45

Pregabalin will potentiate the effect of Baclofen and could make him very ill
No GP would prescribe both.
He's running the risk of kidney failure by this recklessness.

VladmirsPoutine · 15/04/2018 12:46

@meadowposy No need to get the thread deleted. Let's all calm down a bit and talk. How old are the dc? Do you have a network of friends/family that generally help you?

mummymeister · 15/04/2018 12:46

I am sorry OP but you need to stop fooling yourself and you need to do that right now.

  1. your children are at risk. they are living in a home with a drug addict. he is taking drugs that cause violent outbursts. Just because he hasn't done it before does not rule it out because of the drugs. he only has to hit and injure them once, that's all.
  1. you are at risk. he is buying drugs in your name, not his yours. If and when they become illegal then you are the person that would be prosecuted. and I am sorry, rightly so because you know what he is doing and you are enabling it.
  1. the people he works with and for are at risk.

HE IS A DRUG ADDICT.

stopping dressing it up and making his excuses for him and stop enabling him to carry on with his addiction. Pick up a suitcase, pack it with what you need and leave right now. go to a womans refuge.

at the moment you are in some sort of fog of denial about what is going on. he is never, ever going to give up just because you ask him to. only he can decide to seek help and stop.

all the time you stay with him. all the time you let him use your name to buy drugs. all the time you make excuses to the children about why a holiday is spent waiting for dad to come back from the chemist. YOU are enabling this and you absolutely have to stop.

please take all the advice from this thread that you can but please, please get out today, now.

iloveeverykindofcat · 15/04/2018 12:46

Pregabalin really does mitigate codeine withdrawal, but that's beside the point. He isn't going to just stop taking codeine. Its very, very addictive, and if he is buying OTC he's almost certainly ODing on paracetamol and/or ibuprofen to get it. People have died doing this. Abruptly.
OP you need to make a decision. He is out of time.