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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh ordering medication online

669 replies

meadowposy · 15/04/2018 11:46

I've found out about it because he's doing it through my name.

I don't know what to think about it and I'm asking here... Are these sites always dodgy? I can't talk to him about it as he tells me to be quiet and I don't know what I am talking about.

OP posts:
rebeccabecca · 22/04/2018 17:58

I'm sorry op but you are incredibly naive and gullible.

I can pretty much guarantee that he told you stuff yesterday to garner sympathy and support and to make you believe he's going to change.

You really need get your head around what manipulative liars addicts are.

Coveredinbeeeeeeeeeeeees · 22/04/2018 18:04

Impression of OP -

I'll sign off now, thanks for all your support and helpful comments hundreds of mumsnet posters sticks middle finger up haha just kidding fuck you

Motoko · 22/04/2018 18:39

My impression of OP is of someone sticking their fingers in their ears and saying "Lalala, I'm not listening to you".

I hope the nanny contacts SS. The children would be better off in care (and that's saying something) than living with a junkie, and a mother who won't consider their welfare and thinks they're perfectly fine and safe.

Original poster
meadowposy · 22/04/2018 18:45

No covered

No

OP posts:
Coveredinbeeeeeeeeeeeees · 22/04/2018 19:24

I would love nothing more than for you to prove me wrong.

Tistheseason17 · 22/04/2018 19:33

I think it is helpful to know how things may be in the future
What? So you can ignore suggestions about the future, too?
Your most recent posts are painting a somewhat different picture and my sympathy for your poor children is growing.

I am concerned for the welfare of your children. Mumsnet has a duty of care to protect them and under safeguarding laws they can beach DPA and they can notify SS and I'm going to suggest this.

Thurlow · 22/04/2018 19:56

If this is all real, OP, you know perfectly well what needs to be done. It's a shit situation and there's no easy way out but for the sake of your children you need to report your husband to someone before something goes drastically wrong. You're both putting them at risk by allowing them to be cared for by someone with a dangerous addiction

mummymeister · 22/04/2018 23:17

So which is it meadowposy ?

this has all been one massive wind up for goodness knows what reason and its all a lie.

OR

You really are going to sacrifice your children on the alter of your H's addiction by just basically sticking your fingers in your ears and going "la, la la" ?

I am concerned for the welfare of your children. Mumsnet has a duty of care to protect them and under safeguarding laws they can beach DPA and they can notify SS and I'm going to suggest this.

and so am I tistheseason17.

I want SS to go in now and take charge of this utter mess. I want his employers and his patients to know all about this.

Because despite 26 pages of (mostly) commonsense, advice, support and help, the OP REFUSES to get her children to a place of safety. she is complicit and she is guilty of neglect.

I am not sure honestly how you can look at yourself in the mirror now, I really am not. but I guess its a nice middle class mirror in a big house with a cleaner to keep it clean and a nanny to stop messy finger prints so hey who cares if their dad is driving from chemist to chemist sticking god knows what down his throat and ordering barely legal shit in your name off the internet. at least you do have your lovely home and veneer of respectability.

Utterly sickened by it all now.

Tistheseason17 · 23/04/2018 07:29

^^ this

Slartybartfast · 23/04/2018 07:57

nobody has to prove anything. op is not accountable to posters.
walk away and stop stirring you lot

LoniceraJaponica · 23/04/2018 08:04

"nobody has to prove anything. op is not accountable to posters.
walk away and stop stirring you lot"

This forum is here to support people. The OP came on here to ask for support, which she has received in bucket loads. And now she is making pathetic excuses to not take any advice or refusing to listen. Either this is a massive wind up or something is very very wrong.

It is understandable that many posters are becoming exasperated.

Regardless of what the OP does or, more likely, doesn't do the shit will hit the fan for the family and the children will be the ultimate losers.

mummymeister · 23/04/2018 08:53

slarty - I would completely agree with you if this was a post about which pram to buy or is my childs name odd.

but it isn't. The OP has posted one liners throughout the thread suggesting that she is there and reading it and many of us have hoped that if that is the case that perhaps something someone says will get through to her in some way.

If this is a wind up then actually I think she is and should be accountable because there are some for whom this thread has stirred some deeply unpleasant memories and triggered off feelings in them.

If it isn't a wind up then aren't you in the littlest bit concerned that out there are children in this sort of family? Or are middle class drug addicts somehow a bit different from junkies on the streets?

The OP puts things like "useful to know how things will be in the future" so what, is she writing a book or something? again if she is and this isn't genuine then MNHQ ought to be taking some action.

littlewhitething · 23/04/2018 08:58

I suspect the police would see you as a drug dealer - I certainly do; he's using your bank card, making you drive all over the place to get drugs and asking you to feign illness to get drugs for HIM. Wtf is the matter with you? At this rate, you won't be in hospital, you'll be in jail, he either will or won't commit suicide (fast or slow) and your kids will be up shit creek. Can't you see the writing on the wall? It's right there in bright red, six foot high letters! Use your time in hospital wisely, talk to any one of the myriad of people who can help you. And stop whining on here when you won't take any of the totally sensible advice you have been given over the last 26 pages.

Slartybartfast · 23/04/2018 08:58

You can become over invested imo, it is an anonymous forum

mummymeister · 23/04/2018 09:37

slarty - and so is walking down the street an anonymous thing. but if you saw someone sitting on the kerb crying their eyes out in distress would you just walk by or stop and see if you could help?

My concern now is for the children and the people that the drug addict works with.

I couldn't give a shiny shit now for either the enabling OP or her drug addict H.

would you feel differently if her H was looking after you and made a mistake because of his addiction? or if he ran over a member of your family whilst driving?

what the OP fails to realise is the damage she is doing to her kids.

but hey its a forum and we shouldn't care because that's the way of the world isn't it.

LimonViola · 23/04/2018 09:42

I am concerned for the welfare of your children. Mumsnet has a duty of care to protect them and under safeguarding laws they can beach DPA and they can notify SS and I'm going to suggest this.

Huh? Where are people getting this from?

How does MN, a private website, have a 'duty of care' (a term bandied about a lot by people who don't realise it doesn't mean what they think it means) towards the children of a poster, who may or may not exist? And who might not be telling the truth? And who aren't, if what she says is true, in immediate danger?

Can someone show me what policies they're referring to?

mummymeister · 23/04/2018 10:11

LimonViola - if someone posted on here that they had OD'd and were lying around waiting to die, MN could follow this up, as I understand it and message the poster directly suggesting various things. cant talk about a thread on another thread but have seen this on the site before. I also understand that they can pass the info on to other agencies if there is a risk. I might be wrong but I have definitely seen MN step in before.

MatildaTheCat · 23/04/2018 10:23

If your DH is being honest with you then he should allow you control of your own finances. Ordering drugs in your name using falsified prescriptions is utterly sickening behaviour.

If you have long hair save some stands, or keep growing your hair. When this all gets to the inevitable fallout that is waiting to happen you can use your hair for past drug use testing.

Stirner · 23/04/2018 10:35

I think a lot of the posters on here are so keen to see "crime" punished that they're piling on to the OP without appreciating the precariousness of her situation.

This is a woman who is not only married to a drug addict, but is herself in such poor health that she is currently hospitalised. She has children to care for but is not in a position to be able to be hands on due to her health, which has therefore necessitated the employment of a nanny.

Her husband earns a large salary which means she isn't currently eligible for state support and her health means she isn't currently in a position to take state employment.

This makes saving a "running away" fund impossible and even if she could then what ?

This site is awash with threads from single parents who struggle (or find it impossible) to make ends meet on benefits, so why do people assume it would be different for OP? I'd also refer you to the countless threads about errant fathers who keep on wriggling out of paying CM seemingly without enforcement or censure.

So at the moment the op is faced with a really difficult situation and I wish the other posters would engage their brains a little and recognise this.

Tistheseason17 · 23/04/2018 14:37

I'm piling in cause I don't want anyone I know to be treated by her healthcare professional husband whilst he is high and she is enabling him.

There is an adult safeguarding immediate risk here and when the Daily Fail picks this thread up then that'll be a joy....not.

And Mumsnet does have a duty of care legal or not so get off your high horse. I'd bet you'd be singing a different tune if OP's DH injured someone you knew.

LoniceraJaponica · 23/04/2018 14:58

Everyone is assuming her husband is a healthcare professional, but the OP hasn't confirmed or denied it. Only that there could be safeguarding issues if it was discovered that her husband is a drug addict.

26mcjrfm · 23/04/2018 16:06

OP - one of 3 things are inevitable in your situation.

  1. You speak out and report him, he gets help and comes off the medication.
  2. You leave with your DC. He may or may not commit suicide. If he does, without you previously reporting his actions, you will be implemented in his death and SS become involved. Your kids could be taken in to care.
  3. You don't leave and carry on as normal. He passes away due to the cocktail of drugs he is taken. A post mortem reveals the drugs and it shows you bought them, you will be implemented in his death and SS become involved. Your kids could be taken in to care.

The safety of my DC and I would be my top priority.

Lethaldrizzle · 23/04/2018 16:15

Lecturing the op about her perceived bad decision making doesn't really help.

Tistheseason17 · 23/04/2018 17:04

OP's DH is a professional in an arena where if this was reported she says there would be serious repercussions and he would lose his job.

OP's words, not mine. He is likely to be in either politics, healthcare or education - not that he'd def lose his job if he actually asked for help

meadowposy Sun 15-Apr-18 12:19:17
He definitely would not go to his GP - it would have serious implications due to safeguarding and other reasons I won't go into.

In response to safeguarding question about children from PP – OP responds

meadowposy Sun 15-Apr-18 12:25:01
No, not related to me or the children. Sorry, I have to be vague.

meadowposy Sun 15-Apr-18 15:17:31
But unless I've misunderstood people want me to report my husband to someone - doctor?

Then he would lose his job, no one to care for dc, he may well kill himself.

It's not something I am ready for. Yet.

Not lecturing on bad decisions OP has not actually made any decisions. It's all actually a little odd. Wish she'd get help before it escalates.

Lethaldrizzle · 23/04/2018 17:35

She's made a decision to stay in the marriage and not report it