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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dh ordering medication online

669 replies

meadowposy · 15/04/2018 11:46

I've found out about it because he's doing it through my name.

I don't know what to think about it and I'm asking here... Are these sites always dodgy? I can't talk to him about it as he tells me to be quiet and I don't know what I am talking about.

OP posts:
mummymeister · 21/04/2018 12:44

ToffeeUp her DH wont let her do that. he controls everything that is to do with finances.

the only way to protect herself and more importantly her children is to get away from this situation.

he orders medication online in her name, not his own. she has lied to her own GP to get the drugs he needs prescribed to her, to pass on to him.

she spent her holiday when she herself was ill driving from chemist to chemist so he could cash in prescriptions and buy drugs without suspicion.

this is not in any way shape or form a normal relationship.

What the OP fails to realise is that it already HAS gone wrong. and by staying she puts everything at risk.

ToffeeUp · 21/04/2018 13:04

I understand mummy, I just thought if she reports her card as lost or damaged she would be sent a new one so her husband can't use the stored card details any more.

Agree with your post and your previous ones, and giving her ideas about new cards won't solve this mess.

Poor kids.

LoniceraJaponica · 21/04/2018 13:19

Doing nothing is NOT an option

I agree.

mummymeister · 21/04/2018 13:40

LoniceraJaponica yet still, that is where we seem to be.

The Op is still here and still reading but hasn't as far as we know done any of the things that people have suggested to help despite the really emotional testament from people who have either been addicts, work in the field or been the children of addicts.

all we seem to get are one sentence answers when what the Op needs is a plan.

This is going to drift on really isn't it until:

  1. the drug addict overdoses
  2. the drug addict gets suspended from work and the money stops coming in which means online buying is no longer an option.
  3. the nanny or someone else tells SS
  4. SS arrive and take action to move the children with or without the OP to safety.

I get that controlling behaviour often leaves you powerless or the feeling that doing nothing is the only option.

but not really sure what the point of this thread is if the OP wont actually do anything.

strongerthan · 21/04/2018 16:14

@mummymeister it may help others thou, that's the point of the thread even if the OP won't take advice

BarbraDear · 21/04/2018 16:36

I really do understand you not wanting to bring trouble to your DH and that you want him to beat this addiction but I think you are burying your head in the sand and it is NOT going to end well.

That drug (Lyrica) is in big demand round here, plenty of people using it to get high and it is sold by dealers.

BIL is one of those people who use it. Social services were VERYYYYY interested to find that out and he has had his son taken off him and placed with a relative. The relative with custody felt sorry for BIL so continued to allow him to visit his son/take him out etc and now SS are threatening to take the child away altogether unless BIL is kept well away. So yes, your husband is endangering you and your children because they COULD very well end in care once it comes out about your husband.

And it WILL come out, because watching people round here it is very obvious that is starts to control you and then it's not enough, something stronger is needed or more and more lyrica and just a sad circle of addicts getting more addict and losing their kids and families.

You do have choices but you are choosing to hide this and I do wish you would listen to people here because it will not end well if your husband does not get help.

Motoko · 21/04/2018 17:22

You won't be able to hide it forever OP. It WILL come out at some point, somehow. It's just a matter of when.

You don't want to lose your children.

Original poster
meadowposy · 21/04/2018 19:35

Dh tried to get gabapentin this morning and couldn't, he's agreed to stop. He hasn't used opiates since 11 April.

OP posts:
strongerthan · 21/04/2018 20:03

Since 11 April he has not even had codeine OP?

Did he go cold turkey?

DoinItForTheKids · 21/04/2018 20:11

I don't believe he's being honest with you OP - I don't know what other people think.

Why is he still needing the gabapentin (which he was using as an aid to withdrawing from opiates) if he's now off the opiates?

This all makes NO sense at all.

mummymeister · 22/04/2018 00:10

I'm a bit confused. you had your holiday recently when he drove around looking for chemists -or rather you drove him. yet you are saying he hasn't had opiates for 11 days.

also that he tried to get gabapentin but couldn't. so, if he was off of opiates altogether for the last 11 days, why has he now tried to get this drug?

surely if he was off them he wouldn't be trying still to buy them?

what exactly is he admitting to taking at the moment then?

sorry but I think he is spinning you a line. especially as you mentioned the shakes earlier and how they had got worse.

ilovesooty · 22/04/2018 01:02

Addicts lie.
I'm sorry, but if he was trying to buy gabapentin I think he's lying.

Original poster
meadowposy · 22/04/2018 06:48

I know. But I also know when he's lying.

We went on holiday beginning of April and he was shaky and buying many boxes.

He was very honest with me yesterday about stuff he's done, bad stuff, I do believe he wants to come off it, he is frightened. It's whether he can.

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 22/04/2018 06:52

He needs professional help to do this. It sounds as if not seeking help is NOT an option.

OrchidInTheSun · 22/04/2018 07:25

He will find it very difficult to do this without support

Daisymay2 · 22/04/2018 07:50

I very much doubt he is telling you truth- although he may think he is,as addicts can convince themselves that the sky is green with purple spots and try to convince you he is right. He would not be needing to buy gabapentin or pregabalin if he had gone cold turkey on 11th Apriil which was before you started the thread. He is either still using or using something else.
He is a danger to himself and needs professional help.

Original poster
meadowposy · 22/04/2018 08:03

He used the gabapentin and pregabalin to help wean himself off through opiates you see.

But yesterday he couldn't get any more.

OP posts:
OnTheRise · 22/04/2018 08:04

He used the gabapentin and pregabalin to help wean himself off through opiates you see.

That's not what they're for, though, OP. He's using them in addition to the opiates to increase the high he gets.

swingofthings · 22/04/2018 08:20

It's good news that he's finally reached the stage when he is scared as it means he finally accepted that he's not in control anymore.

The issue now is that he thinks he can detox himself through willpower only. Whether he can is another matter.

He is also confiding in you which is good.
Are you back home?

Slartybartfast · 22/04/2018 08:47

keep this thread op. you can return to it,reread it for advice

DoinItForTheKids · 22/04/2018 09:46

OP he's simply swapped one addictive drug for one or two different addictive drugs. That's if he genuinely has stopped - which I would still consider highly, highly unlikely.

My previous partner was a drug addict. He could bare faced lie to me and either, I had an inkling it was a lie and chose to ignore (my dumb stupid fault - it's amazing what fantastical crap obviously made up 'reasons' you will fall for but I truly believe on all these occasions, I colluded with that lying by believing it). Or, he would lie but so utterly effectively that I 100% could not tell he was lying.

OP what you need to understand is he is spinning you lie after lie and bullshit after bullshit. You can't feel sorry for him. You have to force him to seek help. Now.

And you need to understand that in order to continue their addiction which addicts are literally terrified of not being able to feed, they will become the world's best liars, best manipulators you will ever meet. People you think you know who you think love you. But at the moment and for as long as they are addicts, they will never be honest and you will NEVER come first. Their addiction will.

And there's no grey area with any of this. He's either 100% off it - ALL of it, any drugs at all other than those prescribed and controlled by a physician - or he's still an addict. My XP used his drug of choice sometimes only 8 times a year. But it still completely ruined everything and that last time I caught him completely red-handed, after 5 years of lies and bullshit, was the day I ended it. I cannot tell you the utter relief that came from that moment to be honest. You don't realise what burden you're carrying round when you're in a relationship with an addict.

His still continuing to use off prescription drugs means he is STILL AN ADDICT. Even if he has kicked opiates (which I don't believe), you and he have moved literally NO steps further forward. If and when he finds he can no longer get the two drugs he wants now, he will go back to the opiates - or simply find something else.

He is NOT on the road to recovery and you OP, despite the real life experience-born advice you've received on here, continue to be completely in denial about the reality of the situation.

mummymeister · 22/04/2018 11:21

meadowposy he is lying to you, he really, really is.

he is a drug addict. he is now taking a different drug or trying to but he is still a drug addict.

I don't care how much he tells you he is scared because he is not yet scared enough to pick up the phone and get himself the PROFESSIONAL help he needs.

Please tell him as loudly and as plainly as you can - "you cannot beat this by yourself DH, you need proper professional help"

until he actually seeks this and starts wanting to get better its all just lies.

he can tell that you have had enough, he is backed into a corner so he turns on the tears - like a million addicts before him have done.

None of his words mean jack shit without actions.

give him the phone, give him the numbers you have had on here for addicts and rehab and say "here, you want to get better, dial"

if he doesn't then you know where you stand.

DoinItForTheKids · 22/04/2018 11:37

mummymeister is ABSOLUTELY RIGHT OP.

mummymeister · 22/04/2018 12:10

Its like watching a car crash in slow motion doinitforthekids

this thread should have been an absolute eye opener for the OP but instead all she posts is how he isn't really addicted, he is using this one drug to get off another and then obviously will have to use a third drug to get off the second and a fourth to get off of the third.

but he is running out of options. already trying to buy stuff on line or at multiple chemists and she just cannot see that the next step is the street corner.

he isn't trying to get off of the drugs. he is trying to make her believe he is doing this. why cant people understand the huge, huge pull that addictions have. they are so much more important than your loved ones.

because her husband is a "professional" and keeps telling her he knows what he is doing she just keeps on believing him.

she will still be believing him when his employer takes action and SS turn up at her door.

How on earth can anyone think that no one notices someone who actually has the shakes because of drugs?

Squeegle · 22/04/2018 12:17

The thing is meadow, you want to believe him so you do. But he is constructing a story that he and you can believe. The only thing you want to know if that he is really stopping all of this nonsense. And it really is nonsense.