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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh ordering medication online

669 replies

meadowposy · 15/04/2018 11:46

I've found out about it because he's doing it through my name.

I don't know what to think about it and I'm asking here... Are these sites always dodgy? I can't talk to him about it as he tells me to be quiet and I don't know what I am talking about.

OP posts:
mummymeister · 22/04/2018 12:30

meadowposy are you now back home again from hospital?

what are you doing with your credit card or is he still using this to buy online?

What help are you seeking for yourself and your children in particular?

Tistheseason17 · 22/04/2018 12:34

@mummymeister is correct.

Just wish OP would stop minimising. Since when has any drug addict not been a capable, believable liar!

It is upsetting to see OP put her husband and his money before her children and their well being.

mummymeister · 22/04/2018 13:14

Nothing any of us say is going to make any difference Tistheseason17.

something major is going to have to happen. the OP stopped talking to me a while ago I think and stopped taking any notice of anything I say because I am not in the "oh hun, how awful for you" camp.

I really do want to see the OP post more than one sentence and post a plan for herself and her poor children.

she wont answer any direct questions and hasn't shown any inclination to challenge her own views or his.

this is a brilliant thread to show others what the score is with drugs but unfortunately I cant see the OP doing anything at all other than minimising and waiting for the knock at the door.

for the childrens sake, I don't think that this day can come soon enough to be honest. I just hope it comes before her H is buying drugs on a street corner or shooting up as he gets ever more desperate in his "take drug number 8 to counteract drug number 7, take drug number 9 to counteract drug number 8 " quest and she carries on believing him. what disease does he have to give her for her to believe this or will she just believe some other bullshit about not getting it from drugs but from a public toilet seat?

he is on a downward spiral and she is joining him through choice but the children aren't choosing this they are just being taken anyway.

I just cannot for the life of me understand how anyone chooses their partner over their own children I just cannot.

Original poster
meadowposy · 22/04/2018 13:31

I can't report him. Perhaps I should, but I can't bring myself to do that. I'm out of hospital for a bit.

OP posts:
MrMeSeeks · 22/04/2018 13:42

Gabapentina d pregablin are the sMe thing! He is going to end up very ill!
Yes its hard to come off opiates, but its possible.
He’s lying to you and himself.

mummymeister · 22/04/2018 13:45

Ok so if you wont report him then what about handing him the phone with the numbers suggested and seeing if he rings for help?

where do you think this is all going to end meadowposy?

What have you done about the credit card?

at the moment you are just as guilty as he is because you know what is going on and wont doing anything about it. he isn't in his right mind. you are.

please take peoples warnings seriously.

if you don't report him, someone will. and you will go down with him on this.

why is he more important than your children?

madein1995 · 22/04/2018 14:23

OP thanks for your kind wishes, and I wish you all the best. At the moment you and the children are your priority. By the sounds of it he is abusive, if not physically then emotionally. Men often use the 'I'll kill myself' line to manipulate their partners into staying with them. His addiction isn't your fault. If you leave him and he kills himself then that is on HIM, not you. You can't help him, you can help you and your children. Sorry to say but if SS found out your children may well be removed - or if not removed, there would be close involvement. It may be wrong, but In SS view you'd be classed as exposing your children to life with an addict. That isn't my view, it's SS view.

I understand it would be difficult to look after the children. I understand you struggle health wise and sympathise with that. If you leave him it won't be all rosy, you won't be able to live the same standard of living as now. But you will be safe. You will get government support, it's not like it was 100yrs ago when there was no safety net. You're in an abusive relationship, and you need to get out of it. If not for you then the kids. I've volunteered with victims of DA before. The guilt women feel at what their children went through is awful to witness. A common theme is they thought at the time the children were fine but looking back, the signs were there.

This is more than addiction OP. This is abuse. You need to leave, for your sake but the children's too. Have a google and read up on what living in a DA household can do, and what growing up with an addict parent can do. The effects on their later life are huge. Please ring women's aid. There is support out there. I know its terrifying and a massive step but you won't feel bad for doing it

LoniceraJaponica · 22/04/2018 15:18

"I can't report him. Perhaps I should, but I can't bring myself to do that"

What do you think will happen when someone else reports him instead?

He has got you over a barrel hasn't he.

mummymeister · 22/04/2018 15:37

Lonicera - what this says to me is that the OP cant bear to report him but she can bear:

  • to keep putting her children at risk with a drug addict in the house
  • to put herself at risk by letting him order medication in her name
  • to put herself at risk by lying to a doctor to get medication for her drug addict husband
  • to put his co-workers and others at risk because of his impaired judgement
  • to put her relationship with her children at risk by waiting for someone, most likely the nanny, to report her to SS.

when this all collapses, as it will, the OP will not have a leg to stand on because she has colluded with him the whole time.

If I was in her position, I would be scared shitless of losing my kids. Not scared shitless of losing my naice house and nanny (so obviously a good middle/upper class income) but they aren't her priority because if they were she would be actually doing something.

Her H must have peddled her some crap that if she left she would be in a b and b for the next 20 years and have to beg on the streets. its just not true and all but one of us on this thread knows that.

LoniceraJaponica · 22/04/2018 15:47

It is very concerning that the husband is so manipulative and controlling that the OP has become so passive and easily controlled to the point that she does everything she is told to do, illegal or not.

DoinItForTheKids · 22/04/2018 15:52

I SO wish I'd even known about MN when I was with my previous partner I can tell you!

Yes, his plan is unsustainable ultimately - and undoubtedly that's when the shit will hit the fan and however that goes down will largely be out of his and OPs hands as to how all of that proceeds.

mummymeister · 22/04/2018 16:23

DoinItForTheKids - that is a point that might hit home with the OP (and others)

at the moment OP this is in your hands.

soon it wont be.

are you going to answer any of the questions?

Original poster
meadowposy · 22/04/2018 16:53

I've already explained I'm not going to answer every question for privacy reasons.

Mummy, you think you understand but you don't.

At the moment, my children have two parents who love them.

I am not going to be the one who ruins that. Besides, on paper it's me who is the junkie.

OP posts:
funnylittlefloozie · 22/04/2018 17:08

You are not the junkie. You are the supplier. Right now, your children have two parents who love them (although actually tehy have one parent who loves them and one parent who loves drugs). Do you have a plan for the care of your children, when your DH has accidentally overdosed and you are doing a ten-stretch in HMP BRonzefield for possession with intent or even manslaughter?

Mammysin · 22/04/2018 17:13

An addict loves no one but his substance of choice. Please believe me. I hope you find strength to do what is right by your children and best for you 💐

LoniceraJaponica · 22/04/2018 17:20

"I am not going to be the one who ruins that"

No, your husband is doing that all by himself. I completely understand why you want to protect your family's privacy, BUT, by doing nothing you aren't protecting your family.

madein1995 · 22/04/2018 17:28

OP it's better for them to be in a secure home with one parent than a chaotic one with two parents. I promise you, this is affecting them even if you can't see it. You're doing your children no favours by staying. The myth that staying in a abusive relationship until the child is 18, is a good thing because it's not a broken home, is dangerous. He may love your children but they will be better off without him while he is using

Flisspaps · 22/04/2018 17:29

Your DP doesn't love them.

He loves the drugs, and that is all.

Missingstreetlife · 22/04/2018 17:33

Why won't you contact clouds or priory, alanon or any help.
You can do it anonymously without reporting anyone. Do it first thing, at least you will know some options. Your h needs help.

Coveredinbeeeeeeeeeeeees · 22/04/2018 17:36

Your husband is a junkie regardless of whose name is on the paperwork.

You're being incredibly blasé about this. Anyone would think you're enjoying it.

Missingstreetlife · 22/04/2018 17:38

Maybe having the shakes was withdrawing. When you take one drug to get off another it's not progress. In detox they give small dose of eg Valium for a few days only.

LoniceraJaponica · 22/04/2018 17:39

Unless the whole thing is a wind up, getting concerned mumsnetters in a frenzy because the OP won't do anything to help herself.

ToffeeUp · 22/04/2018 17:44

Loving parents, who spend a lot of time during a family holiday driving from chemist to chemist to get drugs. Time that could be used for swimming, eating ice cream on the beach, having fun instead of being stuck in a car with stressed parents.

Yes you and your husband love them but you are messing up their lives.
Both of you are putting drugs before children.

Tistheseason17 · 22/04/2018 17:47

@mummymeister
I'm starting to think OP is liking the attention and drama this post has.
I am not hearing any concern for the wellbeing of her children.
2 loving parents?

Hmmm...

1 parent that loves drugs more than them
1 parent that likes the money DH provides more than the welfare of the children

OP - you will cope without his money if gets help or you put the children first and leave. You may not have a nanny but, hey, your kids would be put first.

Original poster
meadowposy · 22/04/2018 17:55

No of course I'm not. I think it is helpful to know how things may be in the future. I will sign off now. Thanks.

OP posts: