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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh ordering medication online

669 replies

meadowposy · 15/04/2018 11:46

I've found out about it because he's doing it through my name.

I don't know what to think about it and I'm asking here... Are these sites always dodgy? I can't talk to him about it as he tells me to be quiet and I don't know what I am talking about.

OP posts:
iloveeverykindofcat · 20/04/2018 18:02

So what are you doing?

Quartz2208 · 20/04/2018 18:09

There was a story this week as how Tamara Mellons ex (Jimmy Choo) died suddenly due to an opiate addiction he was 55 I still don’t think you realise the serious and escalation of new drugs and the implications

Coveredinbeeeeeeeeeeeees · 20/04/2018 18:12

Bury your head in the sand then OP. But you'll have to bring it back out rather sharpish when the police arrive to cart you away or when your husband overdoses and dies.

Queenio24 · 20/04/2018 18:13

So on paper it looks like you are ordering and paying for drugs then? He's stitching you up OP, open your eyes.

OnTheRise · 20/04/2018 18:14

OP, you need to take control of your own finances.

His phone doesn't manage your account, he does. And of course it would make a difference if you cancelled the card: it would make you just a little bit safer. He is using your name to buy these drugs with so that if anyone gets caught it won't be him.

It's not difficult. You just cancel the card. One phone call. That's all you need to make.

He won't like it, but he'll have to lump it. He is putting you in danger, and you are allowing it by not stopping that card.

Daisymay2 · 20/04/2018 18:21

I would cancel the card regardless. Report it as lost.
Do you use it at all? Can you get your own card that he does not have access to? At the moment all the legal risks are with you. You appear to be the one ordering the drugs, paying for them and supplying DH with them, If he comes to any harm, or does anyone else harm then you are complicit, particularly as you know he is doing it.
Don't know how you are googling pregabalin,, but it is closely related to pregabalin and is also abused and likely to become a Controlled Drug. The flitting around different drugs that are subject to abuse and addiction- and there are probably others that you are not aware of, - coupled with refusing to talk to you about it and the trembling makes me certain that this is serious. You really need to get him to seek professional help or report him to his professional body. I suspect he is not fit to practice. How ever much you love him you need to protect yourself and your children from his excesses. Even if he is a HCP he cannot treat himself, he has no insight.

Daisymay2 · 20/04/2018 18:27

Just had another thought. Is this your card on an account in your name or your card on his credit card account? If the first you really need to cancel the card and ask for the account to be closed, then open another account with another company and do not let him have access to your account.
If the latter, it is a bit more difficult to separate yoruself from him but I would still cancel the card and not let him have the details of the new one.

Flisspaps · 20/04/2018 18:49

OP needs to call Women's Aid for advice on how to extricate herself from this mess before he overdoses and she ends up in the shit.

LoniceraJaponica · 20/04/2018 20:32

"It's got my name on it but dh manages it everything that goes in everything that goes out. His phone manages it through online banking"

That's irrelevant. To all intents and purposes you are buying the drugs. Every transaction will be in your name. Surely you must realise this?

Tistheseason17 · 20/04/2018 21:14

Just come back to this thread....
OP still minimising... gabapentin FFS. Stop making excuses...
And still not taken on any advice....

Original poster
meadowposy · 20/04/2018 21:19

I have no money of my own.

OP posts:
DoinItForTheKids · 20/04/2018 21:20

Mind-boggling isn't it. People say that love or anger are the most powerful emotions; in recent years I've begun to believe that it's actually delusion (which in fact is an emotional disorder but hey ho, you get my drift). It seems to effectively override anger, action, outrage and any decision-making of any kind.

OnTheRise · 20/04/2018 21:26

I have no money of my own.

All the more reason for you to phone Women's Aid, OP. They'll not only advise you on how to get out of this abusive relationship, they'll help you sort out your finances too.

JackietheBackie · 20/04/2018 21:28

You don't have any money of your own because your husband is an emotional and financially abusive drug addict. He is a master manipulator. I am sure he wasn't always like this and I am sure he has many other lovely qualities that you can see, but to an outsider, reading what you have written on this thread, it sounds like a dangerous situation for you and your children.

Women's Aid, AdFam and other organisations can offer you proper support and advise to help you stay safe and start to take some control. I don't envy you, it must seem like a mammoth task, but this situation cannot continue. It isn't going to fizzle out and dissappear. It is going to get worse and worse.

I wish you strength and clarity and all the luck in the world.

Tistheseason17 · 20/04/2018 21:30

Welfare of the children is more important than £s
There is good advice on here, OP. Take it instead of making excuses why you can't.

Coveredinbeeeeeeeeeeeees · 20/04/2018 21:58

OP So many people have essentially wasted their time trying to help you. I'm not sure why you bothered to post in the first place since it's clear you're not going to do anything at all.

HelenUrth · 20/04/2018 21:59

Huge sympathies OP, you're in a horrific situation. I'm sure you know it's not normal or acceptable that you have no money of your own. Your husband knows this too but is ignoring it, just as he is ignoring the needs of his children and unwell wife.
In the throes of his addiction, he is unable/unwilling to put the wellbeing of his family as a priority, and instead is creating an online profile of you as a drug abuser.

He shouts you down because he knows this will work; you will stop asking him perfectly reasonable questions. I wonder are you "allowed" ask what his plan for weaning himself off is, how is it going, what has he taken today?

Do you have any family that could help? You need to start somewhere, you poor thing. I wonder if, assuming you're still in hospital, if it might be possible to ask a professional there for advice for your "friend" in a "hypothetical" situation?

madein1995 · 20/04/2018 22:48

I've not RTFT, and I'm not going to say what's already been said. I'm addicted to codeine OP. I hate it, it can't continue, and I'm going to beat it. I'm planning on tapering down slowly to avoid the horrible withdrawal symptoms, and going to counselling, either via my GP or privately.

The reason why some people are prescribed opiods is simple. They need them. There are many reasons someone may be prescribed codeine - cartilage problems, arthritis, a badly broken bone, a dislocation, a long term health problem causing them pain. They are not addicted, they need the medication. There is nothing physically wrong with your H that would warrant him taking codeine as a painkiller. Yet he takes it anyway. He is an addict. People who are prescribed opioids legitemitely need it and are not addicts.

Tistheseason17 · 20/04/2018 22:56

Well done, @madein1995 👏👏👏
You are owning the issuing and acknowledging you need to change.
Please do let the experts help you - no need to do it alone. All the best.

JamPasty · 20/04/2018 23:01

Best wishes in coming off the codeine madein1995, and good on you for admitting the issue and facing it, that must have been hard Flowers

Original poster
meadowposy · 21/04/2018 09:10

Good luck madein Flowers

OP posts:
Dixiestampsagain · 21/04/2018 10:00

I’ve only just come across this thread, OP. I take gabapentin in large amounts (prescribed) but am being changed over to pregabalin. They are no joke- they can have serious side effects, and as pp have said, pragabalin is about to be made a class c drug. I watched a programme about pregabalin addiction in Northern Ireland on BBC 3 which was very scary, and I’m a bit nervous to even start it. I hope you’ve made some positive steps to rectify the situation...

ReginaBlitzkreig · 21/04/2018 12:12

To put Gabapentin in context, it saw my father through the end of his life with terminal cancer, which included numerous spinal and eventually, brain lesions. It is very strong stuff.
Meadow, if you do only one thing in response to this thread, let it be to detach from your DH's actual or feared guilt trips and blaming. Don't take on any responsibility for his addiction. He may well claim later he could have dealt with it on his own (bollocks), or even that by your silence and complicity it is your fault he stayed addicted for so long (even more bollocks).
Try to detach from all of it. If he is in the habit of blaming you he will blame you whatever you do, so just do the right thing.
I personally don't think you should leave so much as get someone to come in and support you in situ.
I hope you find a way through this.

mummymeister · 21/04/2018 12:36

meadowposy are you now out of hospital and able to take some action to protect yourself and your children?

You have no money of your own because he is controlling you. You need to accept this and face up to both this and the fact that he is a drug addict.

you seem paralysed and not able to do anything for yourself. so on this basis you NEED to get someone else to do things for you and to help you.

I have said it over and over again as have others on this thread. Doing nothing is NOT an option.

No one will believe you if you get taken to court that he controls the card. you have to do something that goes beyond throwing your hands up in horror and saying how awful it all is.

the longer you leave this the worse it is going to get for you and your children. please put yourself and them first for once. not the controlling drug addict.

ToffeeUp · 21/04/2018 12:38

Order a replacement card and rub off the cvc number on the back, that way you can still use the card but not pay online.
Posters on here are trying to protect you for when it goes wrong, and it will go wrong.

And call Women's Aid