Really selfish woman in Cafe today - need to vent!

[maryclare]

DD(2) on Easter holiday. Took her for a day shopping. Halfway through stop at a well know coffee shop for a treat. It was very busy and as we were queuing we were both looking around for a free table. All full except one in a corner which had 3 chairs, two of which had shopping bags on. People being served - lots with kids - walking round and round trying to find a space. We'd been queuing a long time, but I hadn't sent DD to 'bags' a space, partly because I didn't think it was fair to those in front of us, and partly because I know Mumsnetters feelings about doing this ;)

Woman in front of me gets served and takes her tray to the table with the shopping bags. She is about 60, and as far as I can see has no mobility/health issues to prevent her walking round searching for a table ONCE SHE HAS BEEN SERVED.
I am about to make a point and sit on the third chair when a two seated table becomes free nearby so DD and I sit there. Other people are still searching for seats. CF woman then puts one of the bags on the floor, and sits on that chair. Leaves the other bag on a chair and then TAKES HER COAT OFF AND PUTS IT OVER THE BACK OF THE LAST REMAINING CHAIR! I thought CF but maybe she was waiting for a friend. But no, DD and I were there 30 to 40 minutes in which time she had a drink and a sandwich and read the DMail cover to cover to pretend she didn't notice there were no seats. She was still there when we left.

AIBU to think that the cafe staff should have either stopped her 'reserving' a table in the first place or at least asked her to remove her things from the free seats so others could sit down?

Disclaimer: We're not halfway through the holidays yet and I am grumpy.

Cold some people have the emotional maturity to be mildly annoyed about one thing and at the same time be outraged about something else.

DF and I were in a café yesterday and chose a table for 4, because tables for 2 get very cramped with food and drink for 2 people on them. Also, I was glad of a chair to put my coat on, as I had my money and cards in the pocket and wanted to keep an eye on them.

I'd do exactly the same as this lady. There is always the option for other cafe users to ask me to budge up but I'd hope to deter them (especially those with small children as I've gone past that stage and am very anti-social)

I don’t understand why people see it as better to queue first and then hope they get a table. How was an elderly person or one with children and a pushchair, meant to safely carry their hot drink and/or food whilst looking for a table? And if no table was found?

I would prefer not to share with strangers but wouldn't be so rude as to not offer spare seats if people were struggling to find somewhere to sit. That's just me though, I know manners are an outdated concept to some.

Sorry if I missed a vital bit of café etiquette info, only read first and last page. What should I do on my own if I have no available coat or toddler to bagsy a seat with?

At a café last year (daytime show event, one café at the venue) with huge queues, I was on my own with just a handbag - I certainly wouldn’t have left that on a seat. I got to the front of the queue with my sandwich and coffee, every table I asked at was waiting for someone. I had seen someone arrive with friends just at the back of the queue - I asked the seated person if I could sit there until their friends got to the front. Told “No”. I perched my things on a nearby windowsill and stood to eat, got a table after a few minutes, noticed that by the time I’d finished her friends were still not at the front of the queue.

Lone people, of any age, have a right to buy food/drink and sit and consume them on premises, if they have paid for them. Like everyone else. There’s no hierarchy of entitlement in this scenario. And if someone wanted to share her table, they could have asked and I’m sure she would have acquiesced (albeit grumpily!) Also, I think it’s quite a common thing for people to save seats before they buy food to eat in.

What a major over reaction to a non event.

It’s a dog eat dog world right now! I feel your pain, you should you have to fight for a table? Peoples comments about you could ask them to move their stuff... you could have but why should you need to? If everyone has this attitude of not wanting to share and becoming selfish it’s a shame what this world is becoming

Would definitely ask for bags and coats to be removed. Whether you want your own space or not or would rather not share with random people it is selfish rude and bad manners. As opposed to this we went into Comrie Cafe near Crieff. There were four of us DW, DD, DS and me. No available tables, however ther were 3 tables with 2 chairs at each with two of the tables each occupied by a mature lady. Without hesitation both ladies got up and moved to the same table and invited us to put two tables together. Lovely village, great little cafe, delightful staff and what wonderful customers.

We're a sad lot aren't we? No wonder the world's in such a mess if we have to justify our rights to claim multiple seats for our belongings in favour of helping out a fellow human being. And so much judgment! Someone wouldn't be stupid enough to order in a busy cafe-check you with your elevated IQ and superior 'value' system. And if you're so introverted that you struggle with other people in public places-maybe stay home or get some help. 'Public places'-it does what it says on the tin! Life's too short to worry about such minor things-is it? If we can't review and discuss how we deal with such things, humanity may as well go to hell in a handcart.

Oh and just one other thought. It seems to me that people here, posting anonymously, are showing their true colours. However, would they be 'brave' enough to express quite such anti social views if face to face? I really hope not, and that they have a clue how to behave in public, even if they don't really believe it.

@devora13 - well said thank you

Pip Pop
I do have a problem with people holding seats unnecessarily. I agree this women was acting selfishly. Some people also do not even consider that other people might be ill, pregnant or disabled or old and really need a seat. I had a bad hip and the pain was absolutely dreadful but no one could see how much pain I was in at that time and when I had my hip replacement and was getting over it but walking with sticks. No young people ever stood up for me to sit down even though I was with two sticks .
The world has become selfish and people have become desensitised to it. I also don’t believe people should save beds on holiday then go out and not need them until later. Please all of you do try to realise that some people may be ill but it doesn’t show and if you are not going to sit on a chair then leave it for someone who is about to sit on it. In other words please consider someone else other than yourself.

I’m obviously disabled as I struggle to walk even with crutches. I have two children with me too.
You’d be amazed at places such as busy coffee shops, buses, etc, where I’ve picked and paid for food, have a waitress in tow carrying my tray as I can’t with crutches and the children. So many people suddenly go into a flurry of being busy, usually getting their mobile out and chatting or examining their diaries in absorbed interest, so no one has the decency to offer me and my children a seat.
You’d be amazed at how often that happens! Zz