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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really selfish woman in Cafe today - need to vent!

190 replies

maryclare · 12/04/2018 19:36

DD(2) on Easter holiday. Took her for a day shopping. Halfway through stop at a well know coffee shop for a treat. It was very busy and as we were queuing we were both looking around for a free table. All full except one in a corner which had 3 chairs, two of which had shopping bags on. People being served - lots with kids - walking round and round trying to find a space. We'd been queuing a long time, but I hadn't sent DD to 'bags' a space, partly because I didn't think it was fair to those in front of us, and partly because I know Mumsnetters feelings about doing this ;)

Woman in front of me gets served and takes her tray to the table with the shopping bags. She is about 60, and as far as I can see has no mobility/health issues to prevent her walking round searching for a table ONCE SHE HAS BEEN SERVED.
I am about to make a point and sit on the third chair when a two seated table becomes free nearby so DD and I sit there. Other people are still searching for seats. CF woman then puts one of the bags on the floor, and sits on that chair. Leaves the other bag on a chair and then TAKES HER COAT OFF AND PUTS IT OVER THE BACK OF THE LAST REMAINING CHAIR! I thought CF but maybe she was waiting for a friend. But no, DD and I were there 30 to 40 minutes in which time she had a drink and a sandwich and read the DMail cover to cover to pretend she didn't notice there were no seats. She was still there when we left.

AIBU to think that the cafe staff should have either stopped her 'reserving' a table in the first place or at least asked her to remove her things from the free seats so others could sit down?

Disclaimer: We're not halfway through the holidays yet and I am grumpy.

OP posts:
MrsLaurac · 13/04/2018 06:16

As somebody who often shops alone I am guilty of putting my scarf down or a bag if I can see it to reserve myself a table no way I can carry lots of bags a tray and find myself a table too much going off!

mellowyellow2018 · 13/04/2018 06:17

I think you need to get a hobby

SharronNeedles · 13/04/2018 06:25

If you and your several children, next door neighbor and cousin's sister's friend's cat were all squashed into a table of 2 then I would understand your annoyance... However you were comfortably seated. Others could have asked her to move the bags. You could have!
It's so annoying when you go into a coffee shop and find people sitting there nursing the same empty cup for ages so you can't sit down... But that's exactly what you did OP so ....

ourkidmolly · 13/04/2018 06:32

I'm with you op. Getting an unnecessary roasting here. Taking up whole tables in busy cafes is annoying. Like other posters though I just ask if l can share. It's always been fine too.

octonaught · 13/04/2018 06:34

Sorry, but the 60 yo dm reader sounds quite organised. Nothing selfish about it

PoorYorick · 13/04/2018 07:37

Not wanting to talk to strangers doesn't make me anti social.

Refusing to allow someone to share a half empty gable in a busy cafe because of unfounded hostility towards other humans would do, though.

PoorYorick · 13/04/2018 07:57

I find it really weird, if I'm honest. If you're in a cafe, and it's busy, and half your table is free, why would you rather see others leave or walk around searching until their drinks are cold than say "You can sit here"? What on earth are you people so afraid of?

You can still read your book or stare into space if you don't feel like talking. Why do you object to being even in the near vicinity of someone you don't know, in a public place, just to let them sit down and drink? What is this hostility?

I think it must be the internet and social media..There appears to be no problem engaging frequently and even robustly with total strangers online. Perhaps it's just stunting people when it comes to real life interaction.

stateschool · 13/04/2018 08:13

I would put my stuff on a table before buying food so I would have somewhere to actually eat it! If I walk in first then that’s fine, someone behind me might lose out.
And maybe she didn’t want to share a table with a group of 3 other people talking away around her. It’s hardly something to be outraged about! It would be different if the staff were bothered and put signs up but they clearly aren’t.

HappydaysArehere · 13/04/2018 08:15

If there is no seating we leave. Don’t fancy standing around with a coffee and sandwich and nowhere to sit and have it. If there are two of us and we spot seats one of us sits down while the other lines up for what we want. A bag or coat is placed on the vacant chair. What we saw the other day was several people deep into phones, lap tops with empty mugs and occupying a table for two or three.

SoapOnARoap · 13/04/2018 08:16

I’m expecting this to be a plot in EastEnders over the next few months, once the gripping chess plot draws to a natural conclusion

Youcanttasteracism · 13/04/2018 08:51

It's not hostility, I just don't like talking to strangers. Past experiences have been unpleasant; I'm recalling a racist old lady in the bus station, a strange chap offering me non existent jelly babies and then calling me a slut when I was a bit "erm what", and a lady who decided to tell me about how when she was my age she had tits down to her knees and also has a growth inside her vagina. Twice this week random people have approached me and thought it was acceptable to put their grubby hands into the pushchair and touch my children's faces (and dummies, this one was a fellow patient in a hospital... Who knows what germs are on their hands) - people have no shame and don't understand boundaries. Therefore, the general public can quite frankly leave me alone!

Littlechocola · 13/04/2018 08:57

But you had a table too.

Also been here many years, doesn’t mean your post makes sense.

PoorYorick · 13/04/2018 08:59

You don't have to talk to anyone. If the cafe is busy and you have two spare chairs and half a spare table, it's just common decency to tell someone who's got nowhere to sit that they can take the space you're not using.

The vast majority of people will not tell you about their genital growths. And if they do, you've got a good story.

Catspaws · 13/04/2018 09:31

I don't think she should be expected to share a table. Those who were looking for tables must have seen that the cafe was busy when they arrived but they chose to go ahead - it's on them to understand that they might have to wait for a table.

Lots of people could criticise you OP for taking a table for 40 minutes during a busy time when others were looking. Just goes to show that nobody is perfect and its easy to get in a froth when it isn't really fair.

Also all of your signposting about her age and reading habits was unnecessary to the story and just shows you wanted to paint the woman in the worst light possible.

Glitterbugg · 13/04/2018 17:27

If she read the fail for that reason alone YANBU

Strongmummy · 13/04/2018 17:29

Most controversial part of your post is that she reads the DM. Other than that it’s a non event. People can ask her to move her bags/coat

Sauvignonne · 13/04/2018 17:43

I absolutely hate people bagging seats as they walk in, when there is a queue of people waiting to be served, who walked into the cafe before you did what is so special about you that you can't wait your turn like those people buying before you will be and wanting to sit with their drinks before you do.?

Chewandswallow · 13/04/2018 17:48

You sound to me the sort of people who moan about how long you've had to wait to be served, and when the assistant says she's sorry for the wait, you stare wide eyed and say, "It's fine, no problem at all" As others have said, bit of a non event, really.

Tansie1 · 13/04/2018 17:48

maryclare

Unfortunately there is increasingly a mob mentality on MN.

As for filling in the gaps (otherwise you're accused of 'drip-feeding'), you'll always get the professionally offended people on here.

I admit I only read the first few posts and could see where this was heading- but am amused at how many people appear to forensically read every single reply before declaring, 200 messages in 'Haven't you got anything more important to worry about?'- which always makes me laugh as you wonder whether they haven't got anything better to do than to read every post so as to basically weigh in saying the same thing.

Mob.

Lookatmeimsandradeeee · 13/04/2018 17:50

Genuinely cannot work out what the issue is from the OP.....

DairyisClosed · 13/04/2018 17:52

I don't understand
We're you actually expecting someone to sit at the same table as her?

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 13/04/2018 17:55

who would actually care? you had a seat right?

Chewandswallow · 13/04/2018 17:55

Ooooo get you Tansie1 I am clutching my pearls, bristling with indignation.Shock

Tansie1 · 13/04/2018 17:56

If the three posters who typed after me did the OP the courtesy of RTFP, as that is the only way they can be sure they haven't missed any explanations or further information- they read 120 messages to weigh in and say the same thing.

Why?

Tansie1 · 13/04/2018 17:57

Chew and you read 123 posts!

I rest my case.