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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really selfish woman in Cafe today - need to vent!

190 replies

maryclare · 12/04/2018 19:36

DD(2) on Easter holiday. Took her for a day shopping. Halfway through stop at a well know coffee shop for a treat. It was very busy and as we were queuing we were both looking around for a free table. All full except one in a corner which had 3 chairs, two of which had shopping bags on. People being served - lots with kids - walking round and round trying to find a space. We'd been queuing a long time, but I hadn't sent DD to 'bags' a space, partly because I didn't think it was fair to those in front of us, and partly because I know Mumsnetters feelings about doing this ;)

Woman in front of me gets served and takes her tray to the table with the shopping bags. She is about 60, and as far as I can see has no mobility/health issues to prevent her walking round searching for a table ONCE SHE HAS BEEN SERVED.
I am about to make a point and sit on the third chair when a two seated table becomes free nearby so DD and I sit there. Other people are still searching for seats. CF woman then puts one of the bags on the floor, and sits on that chair. Leaves the other bag on a chair and then TAKES HER COAT OFF AND PUTS IT OVER THE BACK OF THE LAST REMAINING CHAIR! I thought CF but maybe she was waiting for a friend. But no, DD and I were there 30 to 40 minutes in which time she had a drink and a sandwich and read the DMail cover to cover to pretend she didn't notice there were no seats. She was still there when we left.

AIBU to think that the cafe staff should have either stopped her 'reserving' a table in the first place or at least asked her to remove her things from the free seats so others could sit down?

Disclaimer: We're not halfway through the holidays yet and I am grumpy.

OP posts:
londonrach · 12/04/2018 22:13

If no table we dont stay so common sense to get a table. Total none story op

ButchyRestingFace · 12/04/2018 22:13

why didnt you sit with her and have a chat? if shes older then she might appreciate the attention

WTF!!!

😵😵😵😵😵

Original poster
maryclare · 12/04/2018 22:14

Ok. I think as KurriKurri said, I have brought out some crazies, and I am just adding this reply for politeness.
For those of you quoting my original 'partly for what Mumsnetters think', you have - I suspect so you can be rude to me - left off the wink face showing that was a joke.
I put 'DD(2)' as she's my younger daughter, but she is 11 not 2. I do not think it would be acceptable to send a 2 year old to find a table and can't believe some of you have assumed that.
Finally, thank you to those who have at least been charitable enough to have tried to understand, and more importantly been civil. Of course this is trivia. But I've been on here many years, and it used to be that it was a safe place to just vent if you needed too.
I've already said I'd accept the majority view. I've already said I mentioned her age because she was relatively young. I.e. she wasn't old or infirm.
I genuinely just wanted to know if people thought this was fair, and am quite shocked at some of the replies.

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 12/04/2018 22:16

I don’t agree with “reserving” tables in busy restaurants before you’ve been served. In my student job, I had to pap people off those seats when they ignored the sign on the wall telling them not to do it.

But there’s no chance I would want to share a table with strangers so she’s blameless after she sits down.

Locasta · 12/04/2018 22:19

I've already said I mentioned her age because she was relatively young. I.e. she wasn't old or infirm.

There was no need to mention her age then was there? You're backtracking now OP to save your arse from making an ageist remark in the first place.

SaucyJack · 12/04/2018 22:26

"I might even interact with said human, get to know them a little and share a little of myself."

Please, don't.

iwanttobeatree1234 · 12/04/2018 22:26

Wow Give the woman a break!!

southeastdweller · 12/04/2018 22:30

If your private coffee is that important to you, get it to go and take it home.

Love that! Will try it out soon.

PoorYorick · 12/04/2018 22:32

Please, don't.

I will, and you can't stop me. If the cafe's busy and you're flailing around trying to find somewhere to sit and there are three fucking empty chairs and half an empty table where I am, I am totally letting you sit there and if you're up for it, I'll even have a chat with you. Fuck you.

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 12/04/2018 22:35

I don’t like to share a table with strangers so Depending who I’m with I will choose the table with the right amount of seats otherwise we won’t eat somewhere. I actually think it’s rather selfish when you see one person sitting at a 4 seater table, especially when thier are others available. Personally I wouldn’t have ate myself based on how busy it was. Each to their own I guess

SaucyJack · 12/04/2018 22:36

It's the bodily sharing I feel is overstepping the mark Yorick.

Are you planning on snorting out a bogey, and then divvying it up so we can both have a crusty munch?

I'd really prefer it if you didn't.

ButchyRestingFace · 12/04/2018 22:36

Seriously, who gives a shit? Just share your bloody table you bloody hostile, anti-social twerps. If your private coffee is that important to you, get it to go and take it home. Nobody wants you around either

Nurse, patient is out of bed again!

This thread should have come with a ** warning. Grin

PoorYorick · 12/04/2018 22:40

I actually think it’s rather selfish when you see one person sitting at a 4 seater table, especially when thier are others available.

Well firstly you don't know which tables were available when they came in, and secondly, if there are others available then presumably you can sit there.

But if it's busy, someone wants to sit down and there's clear space available if you're just willing to sit near a fellow human for 20 minutes or whatever, it's just stupidity to start palpitating over OMG STRANGERS. I swear, some people on here won't be happy until we're all walking around with our heads encased in sensory deprivation chambers.

Failingat40 · 12/04/2018 22:41

I'm just amazed she had the balls to reserve her table using bags without them being stolen or at least fearing they'd be stolen!

I suppose she used her initiative.

I think it's really down to the cafes to 'police' the reserving of seats by putting signs up or allocating table numbers on serving.

Failure to do so creates the problem where it's every man (or woman) for themselves and to hell with everyone else!

PoorYorick · 12/04/2018 22:41

Nurse, patient is out of bed again!

How about it? You creeps, you lunatics, mental defectives. Let's hear it for Bull Goose Randall back in action...You ding-a-lings. The Mental Defective League, in formation.

SingingTunelessly · 12/04/2018 22:41

OP you are an extreme backtracker. Grin . You wanted everyone to agree with you that the 60yo Daily Mail reader was an entitled arse. Souteastdweller agrees with you (shocker - not) but most posters rightly called you out on it. YABU.

PoorYorick · 12/04/2018 22:43

Are you planning on snorting out a bogey, and then divvying it up so we can both have a crusty munch?

Ooh, now that you mention it!

Come on over here, I think you'll like it.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 12/04/2018 22:44

How was she supposed to carry her food and drink whilst holding onto several bags? Are people too thick to understand why others get their table first? More fool you if you don’t and end up standing around gormless, looking for a place to sit. I’ve been there, it feels embarrassing and if there are no tables empty before I queue then I walk out. I will continue to bagsy a seat before ordering. I’m not going to end up sitting outside Tesco with McDonald’s and a kid again, no way.

m0therofdragons · 12/04/2018 22:48

Meh, it was frustrating when dc were little but now they're older they go and sit at a table while I get the drinks. Your time of being able to do that will come. There's no hard and fast rules so it's not up to you to expect others to follow your thoughts on etiquette.

starzig · 12/04/2018 22:50

If a cafe is too busy and going to cause seat stress I would get take away and find a bench or step somewhere.

TheJoyOfSox · 12/04/2018 22:51

Woman sits down at coffee shop!

Oh the horror, really op, you had a seat, why do you resent her from sitting down? If she ‘bagsy’d’ the other chairs around her and nobody asked her if they could sit there, that’s their fault, not hers. Maybe it wasn’t as busy as you imagined, or maybe the people standing to drink a coffee whilst looking at an empty seat got what they deserved. Either way it didn’t affect you.

I’d not call her “really selfish” I’d call her Smart enough to sit undisturbed.

It’s nit really something I’d give a second thought too, you must be living quite the charmed life.

m0therofdragons · 12/04/2018 22:55

Just seen dd is 11 (2 in brackets means age on mnet so that's why people thought she was 2). Why didn't you just send her to reserve a table... presumably it was really busy and you saw it as a great opportunity to be offended by someone else's mildly irritating behaviour. Carrying a tray with bags when on your own may not be that easy so woman put her bags down first. You wouldn't have but she did - you easily could have with an 11yo but chose not to. Both of you made choices.

BackforGood · 12/04/2018 23:11

I like a bit of people watching myself. In your situation, OP, I might too have thought "Oh, this is a potential MN thread when I get home", Grin but MN is fickle these days..... lots of all piling in and agreeing goes on when the first 7 or 8 replies are the same.

I'm on the side of letting rest of 'party' (even if that is you and dd) sit down whilst one person gets drinks. If there is no table free when I get to a cafe, I will go somewhere else, I'm not going to buy food / drink and have nowhere to sit, so I think she was wise to do that. Quite frankly, if I want a sit and rest / read, then no I don't want to share my space with someone else either. They would be welcome to the chairs to join a group at another table (if in a group of more than 4), but it would be intrusive to invade her personal space - it's not the same scenario at all as seats on a train.

Youcanttasteracism · 13/04/2018 05:57

@pooryorick for someone who LOVES unsolicited contact from random people I must say you've got a wonderful way of speaking to people.

Not wanting to talk to strangers doesn't make me anti social. I have a right to mind my own business and have a quiet coffee alone without inviting the whole town to come and join me at my part-occupied table.

LeighaJ · 13/04/2018 06:11

My husband usually asks me to grab a table at cafes and fast food restaurants while he orders the food, I don't think that's unusual or rude.

It probably would have been more polite for her to leave a couple of seats open at the table but most people don't want to share a table with randomers anyway so doubt many would have asked.