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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really selfish woman in Cafe today - need to vent!

190 replies

maryclare · 12/04/2018 19:36

DD(2) on Easter holiday. Took her for a day shopping. Halfway through stop at a well know coffee shop for a treat. It was very busy and as we were queuing we were both looking around for a free table. All full except one in a corner which had 3 chairs, two of which had shopping bags on. People being served - lots with kids - walking round and round trying to find a space. We'd been queuing a long time, but I hadn't sent DD to 'bags' a space, partly because I didn't think it was fair to those in front of us, and partly because I know Mumsnetters feelings about doing this ;)

Woman in front of me gets served and takes her tray to the table with the shopping bags. She is about 60, and as far as I can see has no mobility/health issues to prevent her walking round searching for a table ONCE SHE HAS BEEN SERVED.
I am about to make a point and sit on the third chair when a two seated table becomes free nearby so DD and I sit there. Other people are still searching for seats. CF woman then puts one of the bags on the floor, and sits on that chair. Leaves the other bag on a chair and then TAKES HER COAT OFF AND PUTS IT OVER THE BACK OF THE LAST REMAINING CHAIR! I thought CF but maybe she was waiting for a friend. But no, DD and I were there 30 to 40 minutes in which time she had a drink and a sandwich and read the DMail cover to cover to pretend she didn't notice there were no seats. She was still there when we left.

AIBU to think that the cafe staff should have either stopped her 'reserving' a table in the first place or at least asked her to remove her things from the free seats so others could sit down?

Disclaimer: We're not halfway through the holidays yet and I am grumpy.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/04/2018 20:29

Someone could have asked her to move her bags and coat surely?

Original poster
maryclare · 12/04/2018 20:32

Okay. Will accept the majority think she was in the right.

To clarify a few points made:
52FestiveRoad - I'd have been there longer if I could! Drink and cake stop for me and DD in what was a very long and (for me) boring shopping trip. Think hours of Claire's, Smiggle etc.

FuzzyCustard - the point I was making was that she was relatively YOUNG!

PuppyMonkey - No. She had a large table (for 4) with 3 chairs round it. (I presume someone had taken the other). She put her bags on different chairs to save them. There would have been room for a couple of others without her having to interract with them, or them her. As in it could have had two couples on it. IYSWIM.

OP posts:
IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 12/04/2018 20:34

She is under no obligation to share her table with strangers. I don't really see that anything she did was your business tbh.

italiancortado · 12/04/2018 20:38

Why do you need to vent about this?

You had a seat right?

southeastdweller · 12/04/2018 20:38

PuppyMonkey - No. She had a large table (for 4) with 3 chairs round it. (I presume someone had taken the other). She put her bags on different chairs to save them.

Yes, it's different from bagsying a table by putting your coat or bag on ONE seat.

So, no YANBU and it's this type of selfish behaviour from people that pisses me off. The staff should have done something but they're always too busy or are too timid to. Personally I would have taken great pleasure in telling her to move her stuff.

Returnofthesmileybar · 12/04/2018 20:39

Oh come on nobody wants to share their table with strangers while they are eating. If you walk into a busy cafe a quick look at the tables and the queue will tell you roughly whether you will get a table or not, if not then you leave, simple, you don't impose yourself on other people so yabu and daily mail old timer nbu

MrsJamin · 12/04/2018 20:43

Wow you must have a very cushy life if this is all you can moan about. You had somewhere to sit. So did she. She's entitled to have a table to herself even if someone asked to sit in the extra seats, which they didn't.

PoorYorick · 12/04/2018 20:45

Oh come on nobody wants to share their table with strangers while they are eating.

I honestly don't care, really. If the place is busy and half my table is free, you can sit with me, really. Maybe we will even have a bit of human interaction. You know, MN's worst fear. Conversing for a few minutes with someone new. The horror.

Or even if we just sit there in silence eating our cobs, I don't care. Really. It is not a problem.

southeastdweller · 12/04/2018 20:48

She's entitled to have a table to herself even if someone asked to sit in the extra seats.

No, she isn't. Do you understand the meaning of the word entitled?

Amazingalice · 12/04/2018 20:49

The women did nothing wrong
If in your sixties, child free and probably retired you Cant have a leisurely cup of coffe and read the paper in the peaceful space of your own table in a cafe then when can you.
I wouldn’t Dream of ordering somewhere busy without reserving a seat.
Yabu

LagunaBubbles · 12/04/2018 20:49

You didn't get your DD to get you a table because of what sone strangers on the internet may think? Seriously?

Youcanttasteracism · 12/04/2018 20:59

@pooryorick some of us have absolutely no desire to interact with strangers and there's nothing wrong with actively avoiding doing so.

BennyTheBall · 12/04/2018 21:03

She did nothing wrong, but MN bingo points for mentioning both her age and the Daily Mail.

Who wants to sit with strangers, especially a 2 year old? Not me.

Terramirabilis · 12/04/2018 21:07

Somewhat off topic, but I did once witness the most epic screaming match between two women on the tube where one had her bag on a seat and the other wanted her to move it so she could sit down but bag lady refused. The row went on over multiple stops. I was young at the time and too scared to speak up or move. Now I'm not sure what I'd do. But it does make me think twice about asking for a seat having witnessed how completely batshit some people are about giving up a seat for their precious bags.

Prestonsflowers · 12/04/2018 21:08

You should have asked her to move or asked if you could share her table.
Was the reference to her age and reading choice meant to imply that she a is a racist old woman?
I’m surprised that you didn’t specify where the shopping bags were from and really released your inner disgustingness

WhiteCoyote · 12/04/2018 21:10

Staff member in well known coffee chain here. Hi!

  1. we rarely, if ever, get someone come in and NOT sit at a table before coming up to order. There’s nothing cheeky fuckery about finding somewhere to sit in a busy cafe before deciding to purchase drinks.
  2. while we so actually prefer people on their own not to hog an entire 4 seat table on super busy days like weekends and bank holidays (when a family of four could be spending 4x the money to use that table for 20 mins) we don’t generally mind midweek, And 3) if you needed another chair which it doesn’t look like you did, why on earth are you bothered??
italiancortado · 12/04/2018 21:10

You should have asked her to move or asked if you could share her table.

Why on earth??

OP and her DD had a table Hmm

Witchend · 12/04/2018 21:11

Did you really think about sending a 2yo to save a table while you queued? That strikes me as more strange than someone wanting to sit on their own.

Coolaschmoola · 12/04/2018 21:13

You hogged a table in a busy cafe for forty monures?! Yes, you were being unreasonable!

Coolaschmoola · 12/04/2018 21:15

What's a monure? MINUTE!

Snarfield · 12/04/2018 21:17

I read this thread. Then I read it again. Nope.... I'm still lost.

OP when I am traipsing my 5 year old and 2 year old round the shops and we stop off at a cafe or similar for a break I always make sure they are suitably seated (youngest in a high chair) right where I can see them whilst I order drinks and food.

What's CF about reserving a table and chairs before you purchase items? Jesus wept!

Weezol · 12/04/2018 21:21

Maybe when she arrived, all the small tables were taken?

I'm also at a loss why you are so excersied by this.

Weezol · 12/04/2018 21:21

Also at a loss at my spelling Blush

WanderingTrolley1 · 12/04/2018 21:24

Yabu.

brookewestbabes · 12/04/2018 21:24

why didnt you sit with her and have a chat? if shes older then she might appreciate the attention