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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Really selfish woman in Cafe today - need to vent!

190 replies

maryclare · 12/04/2018 19:36

DD(2) on Easter holiday. Took her for a day shopping. Halfway through stop at a well know coffee shop for a treat. It was very busy and as we were queuing we were both looking around for a free table. All full except one in a corner which had 3 chairs, two of which had shopping bags on. People being served - lots with kids - walking round and round trying to find a space. We'd been queuing a long time, but I hadn't sent DD to 'bags' a space, partly because I didn't think it was fair to those in front of us, and partly because I know Mumsnetters feelings about doing this ;)

Woman in front of me gets served and takes her tray to the table with the shopping bags. She is about 60, and as far as I can see has no mobility/health issues to prevent her walking round searching for a table ONCE SHE HAS BEEN SERVED.
I am about to make a point and sit on the third chair when a two seated table becomes free nearby so DD and I sit there. Other people are still searching for seats. CF woman then puts one of the bags on the floor, and sits on that chair. Leaves the other bag on a chair and then TAKES HER COAT OFF AND PUTS IT OVER THE BACK OF THE LAST REMAINING CHAIR! I thought CF but maybe she was waiting for a friend. But no, DD and I were there 30 to 40 minutes in which time she had a drink and a sandwich and read the DMail cover to cover to pretend she didn't notice there were no seats. She was still there when we left.

AIBU to think that the cafe staff should have either stopped her 'reserving' a table in the first place or at least asked her to remove her things from the free seats so others could sit down?

Disclaimer: We're not halfway through the holidays yet and I am grumpy.

OP posts:

italiancortado · 12/04/2018 21:25

why didnt you sit with her and have a chat? if shes older then she might appreciate the attention

OMFG

Seriously? Woman about 60, goes for coffee.

What part of that says she is lonely and needs the attention of a complete stranger and her DC

Snarfield · 12/04/2018 21:27

Also yes to PP who have said if somewhere is too busy they won't go there. I wouldn't dream of taking my kids in a cafe when it's really busy as it's a bit of a faff at the best of times when I'm on my own with them. But that's just me.

southeastdweller · 12/04/2018 21:32

I don’t think people reading the thread properly. This wasn’t just the usual situation of one person bagsying ONE seat. She bagsyed SEVERAL FOR HERSELF.

Snarfield · 12/04/2018 21:34

Yes we get that @southeastdweller and whilst that seems inconsiderate I'm sure if someone came along and said 'do you mind if I use this chair please?' I'm sure she would have obliged. It's not really worth venting about. It's the kind of thing I'd probably tut to myself about in my head, not come on a forum to dissect it.

Fruitcorner123 · 12/04/2018 21:35

YANBU. You are right about mumsnet sometimes coming down hard on people who reserve seats in busy cafes but today those people clearly aren't online.

I think the fact that you a) had a table and b) mentioned her age has made people come down a but hard on you but yes it is clearly unreasonable to have a table, a chair for yourself, a chair for your bags and a chair for your coat. Ridiculous. Someone who didn't have a seat should have asked her for the chairs.

Snooks1971 · 12/04/2018 21:37

OP has already said agreed that the MN majority opinion is that the woman was in the right.
Although ...
FWIW I wouldn't feel comfortable reserving a table for 4 (OK 3 chairs) in a busy cafe just for me alone when people are queuing. I know I would never do it. It is selfish, and not the way I was brought up. Basic politeness really. If it was me, DH and the 3 DC then I'm all for it - bums on seats. Not just one of us.
OP I would've taken one look and gone elsewhere, but that isn't a criticism - totally understand your vent!!

lindyhopy · 12/04/2018 21:42

Complete non-event. Hope she enjoyed her coffee

southeastdweller · 12/04/2018 21:47

@snarfield But it's annoying that they do it! It's not just rude but it's unnecessary. Also, when you ask people if they could move their bags and coats, invariably they don't smile and say 'yeah sure!', but usually they half grimace and mumble something incomprehensible, as if they're the ones doing you a favour

I think the OP is being given a hard time! People vent about all kind of things on here and have done since MN was invented. They would do, what with this being an online forum...

KurriKurri · 12/04/2018 21:47

This thread is completely mad.
OP - was a woman selfish for taking 3 seats for herself in a busy cafe?

Answers.

No it's fine to hog seats
it's Ok to be selfish to get what you want
Why did you take so long over your coffee?
Haven't you got anything better to worry about?
Sit outside with a flask
It's none of your business
Why do you need to vent about this?
She's entitled to take as many seats as she likes.
Why didn't you become her friend?

And so on....

OP you have bought out the crazies, despite the reasonableness of your stance. The many posters who think this is OK behaviour are the reason people can't get seats in cafes. No you are not being unreasonable, yes the woman was exceedingly selfish, yes a cafe thread will attract the loons like moths to a flame.

Bluntness100 · 12/04/2018 21:49

I didn't think it was fair to those in front of us, and partly because I know Mumsnetters feelings about doing this

Seriously? You didn't do it because of some randoms on mumsnet opinion? 😳

What else do you do or not do because you of what randoms on here think?

I'd have done what the woman did, I wouldn't have given it a second thought and I certainly wouldn't not do something becayse I thought strangers on line would disapprove. That's bonkers. There are people on here who make a chicken last a family of four a week, don't let workman poo in their toilets, and don't answer their doors. Why would you do things only based on a random strangers opinions?

YetAnotherSpartacus · 12/04/2018 21:52

Why the hell should someone (of any age) who wanted a coffee and some peace and quiet have to share a table?

I'd never dream of muscling in on a solitary patron's table and I'd be annoyed if I was trying to read and was joined by anyone who was obviously going to talk and 'take over' the table. I'd see that as the height of rudeness.

Snarfield · 12/04/2018 21:53

@southeastdweller

Also, when you ask people if they could move their bags and coats, invariably they don't smile and say 'yeah sure!', but usually they half grimace and mumble something incomprehensible, as if they're the ones doing you a favour

Do they??? I have never experienced this. And when I've been sat in an eatery not putting bags on chairs, mind and someone says can I use this chair, I happily oblige usually saying something like 'of course you can' with a smile. I've never met anyone who gets hostile in these situations.

Yes, the woman was inconsiderate but I'm doubting the presumed hostility.

southeastdweller · 12/04/2018 21:55

Why the hell should someone (of any age) who wanted a coffee and some peace and quiet have to share a table?

Because that person hasn't paid for the table.

PoorYorick · 12/04/2018 21:56

If I lived my life according to what Mumsnet thinks, I would not exercise in an exercise class, not shower in a communal shower, not change in a changing room, give myself cramps and constipation by not using a public toilet when I needed one, and....happily share my table in a busy cafe if someone needed it because ffs it's just a cafe table and I'm not s completely socially stunted that I can't bear another human being sitting a few feet away in a public place. I might even interact with said human, get to know them a little and share a little of myself.

I know, I'm a deviant. I also have a toilet brush and hate Boden.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 12/04/2018 21:58

Why the hell should someone (of any age) who wanted a coffee and some peace and quiet have to share a table?

Because that person hasn't paid for the table.

Nor had the OP!

PoorYorick · 12/04/2018 21:58

Bah, that should of course have been 'not happily share my table'. You know what I meant.

southeastdweller · 12/04/2018 22:00

Nor had the OP!

But she wasn't the one who bagsyed several tables just for herself.

PoorYorick · 12/04/2018 22:01

Why the hell should someone (of any age) who wanted a coffee and some peace and quiet have to share a table?

How about, because it's just a fucking table, not a suite in Claridge's, and people need somewhere to sit and it's a public place and it's already crowded so really who the fuck cares if the nearest person to you is two feet away rather than six? Seriously, who gives a shit? Just share your bloody table you bloody hostile, anti-social twerps. If your private coffee is that important to you, get it to go and take it home. Nobody wants you around either.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 12/04/2018 22:01

Several tables? Que? It was one table!

YetAnotherSpartacus · 12/04/2018 22:02

Are we a tad overinvested do you think?

southeastdweller · 12/04/2018 22:03

Several seats, of course.

PoorYorick · 12/04/2018 22:05

Are we a tad overinvested do you think?

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Snarfield · 12/04/2018 22:06

Yorick 😂😂😂

PoorYorick · 12/04/2018 22:08

DontDrinkDontSmoke · 12/04/2018 22:11

Who has time to spare flying fucks over pish like this?

Enjoy your day with your kid instead.

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