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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Leaving a child home alone

161 replies

Namechangegames · 10/04/2018 17:16

How old would your child need to be before you'd leave them home alone in the holidays in the following circumstances... The shift including travel time is 12hrs, an elderly neighbour would happily be on call for emergencies, as would a grandparent that's 10 min drive away. Parent leaves at 7am, home by 7pm. Child not likely to get out of bed until after 12md. Very sensible child, not allowed to open the door to anyone or use heat for food (toaster etc) lots of cereals and sandwiches available

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 10/04/2018 17:17

Secondary aged so over 11.

DancingLedge · 10/04/2018 17:18

If they're too young to be trusted with a toaster, they're too young to spend 12 hrs alone.

RatherBeRiding · 10/04/2018 17:18

12/13?

I happily left my children for an hour or so when they were about 10 - no opening the door to anyone. They had a mobile etc.

Once in secondary school they would come home, let themselves in and amuse themselves till I got home - could be a couple of hours.

But for a 12 hour stint like that I'd want them almost teenage I think.

Mooey89 · 10/04/2018 17:19

For that long alone, 13/14?

Vanillamanilla1 · 10/04/2018 17:21

I leave my 10 year old home alone now but not for that length of time you're talking about .. I wouldn't do that until they're about 13

converseandjeans · 10/04/2018 17:21

Probably 12/13? Depends on the child though I think.

PinkCalluna · 10/04/2018 17:21

If they're too young to be trusted with a toaster, they're too young to spend 12 hrs alone.

I’d agree with that I’m afraid. It’s not about the age of the child, it’s about how sensible the child is.

Sirzy · 10/04/2018 17:22

I agree if they can’t be trusted with even basic cooking they can’t be left alone. I would want them safe cooking for themselves for a good 6 months before even considering leaving for so long

Firstaidnovice · 10/04/2018 17:22

It's very hard to put an age on it, but in my view if the child can't be trusted to use a toaster, they aren't responsible enough to be left on their own for 12 hours. I was left alone, albeit with an older sibling, from aged 11/12 while my mum worked. But we would have used the toaster, oven and microwave, and been allowed to go to the shops. And answer the door.

Isetan · 10/04/2018 17:25

Thirteen and over.

ButchyRestingFace · 10/04/2018 17:25

How can you trust them to be alone for 12 hours when you can't even trust them to make toast? Confused

Namechangegames · 10/04/2018 17:25

Dd is 12.
I thought no toaster because I know they're a massive fire risk so although I trust her not to stick a knife in it while plugged in, I don't trust them in general. I appreciate thats my hang up though.
She's refusing organised childcare, its not fair to inflict her on elderly neighbour all day and GP works from home so is happy to be on call but not have her there. She's unlikely to leave bed, she'd probably just watch tv/read a book/play with make up. She's been alone for a few hours before and more than happy to do it

OP posts:
Namechangegames · 10/04/2018 17:26

She also happily cooks for herself and has for a long time, I just wanted that safest environment possible

OP posts:
Sirzy · 10/04/2018 17:27

A 12 year old who hasn’t built trust doesn’t get a say I am afraid. She goes where she is told!

Cockmagic · 10/04/2018 17:27

Sorry but I think she's too young.

She doesnt call the shots either, send her to organised childcare!

jgjgjgjgjg · 10/04/2018 17:27

I'd do this with my 12 year old. I'm also hapoy for him to make beans on toast, ready meals, hot chocolate etc. I'd be very disappointed if he couldn't safely use a toaster, microwave and kettle by this age. Although in reality what he normally does is to order a pizza online for lunch and I leave him cash to pay for it. That also means of course that I'm happy for him to open the door for deliveries etc.

Pythonesque · 10/04/2018 17:28

I'd say 12 ish for that length of time too. Predicated on having had experience of shorter times alone as preparation / proof of being ok with it. I'd leave my 12 yr old for a day like that, with food options available, if and only if he felt comfortable with the arrangements; and I think he probably would be now but wouldn't have been 6-12 months ago.

Namechangegames · 10/04/2018 17:28

She's let herself in for a few hours after school for a long time now, so she can definitely be trusted

OP posts:
Cockmagic · 10/04/2018 17:30

A few hours after school is completely different to 12 hours!

Faintlinesquints · 10/04/2018 17:30

I wouldn’t leave my 15 yo alone for that length of time tbh, not because I don’t trust her or would worry about her safety, but I’d feel bad she’d be lonely and bored! It’ll be ok for the odd occasion, but every day of the holidays wouldn’t be fair.

I have an 11 yo too and absolutely no way would I consider it for her. Your dd can’t exactly refuse organised childcare, you are the parent.

Backinthetallgrass · 10/04/2018 17:31

I will leave my 11 year old alone for max an hour with similar rules to you. He is capable of using hob, toaster etc fine but similar to OP I would prefer if he didn't while I'm out at this stage.

I wouldnt leave him for as long as 12 hours till he was about 13. At that stage I would expect to trust him with toasters etc and would expect him to be in and out the house as he pleased.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 10/04/2018 17:31

I could trust DD 10, but she wouldn't want to be left.

Figmentofmyimagination · 10/04/2018 17:36

If you can't leave her with a key so that she can leave the house when she wants to, then she's too young to be left for this long.

FranticallyPeaceful · 10/04/2018 17:39

If you can’t trust her not to put a knife in a toaster then you can’t trust her to stay home alone

Curtainshopping · 10/04/2018 17:41

What are you expecting her to do for 12 hours though? Not leave the house, not answer the door, speak to anyone? It would be very boring and lonely for her.

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