Leaving a child home alone

[Namechangegames]

How old would your child need to be before you'd leave them home alone in the holidays in the following circumstances... The shift including travel time is 12hrs, an elderly neighbour would happily be on call for emergencies, as would a grandparent that's 10 min drive away. Parent leaves at 7am, home by 7pm. Child not likely to get out of bed until after 12md. Very sensible child, not allowed to open the door to anyone or use heat for food (toaster etc) lots of cereals and sandwiches available

Still reading with interest. Thanks again for continued replies.

To those that clearly haven't read the full thread. Grandparent has refused to have her more than as an emergency contact.

This was instigated by my daughter wanting to be left and me telling her I'd look into it, not the other way around.

Cereals and sandwiches are food! There would be lots of available food. How exactly do people cope with cereal for breakfast and a sandwich at lunch? Surely thats normal??

For clarity I wouldn't be locking her in the house ffs.

Yes elderly neighbour would love company but Dd would rather not spend lots of time there.
Elderly neighbour has a dog Dd walks so there is a possibility of her leaving the house for fresh air should she decide to.
Yes, shock horror, I let her sleep in if we have no plans. Have you never enjoyed a lazy morning in bed?

I'm gobsmacked by how protective people are of teenagers! My son has just turned 13 and we leave him alone in the hols for 10-11 hours on average and have done for just over a year. I've worked full time since mine were babies so they weren't to nursery, then wrap around care ... then when they get to secondary age there is no formal "care" available. What am i supposed to do? Give up my job to mind a teenager???

I found one club that took kids up to 14. He went once and hated it as he was the only secondary age child there. He said if we booked it again he just wouldn't go. He would think I'd gone crackers if i suggested sending him to a childminder. Grandparents are not local (or are dead) so not an option.

He likes to lie in and then amuse himself with xbox and netflix.
I don't have any issue with him making simple meals as long as he cleans up. He tends to do stuff like oven pizza or bacon and eggs. No safety concerns there.
He goes to holiday gymnastics session once a week . Likewise karate once a week.
Has a prepaid bus pass so he can get around, go into town etc.
Sometimes meets a friend.
Sometimes goes to kids AM at cinema if the film isn't too babyish.
Sometimes runs errands for us (takes ebay parcels to post office etc).
Can phone us whenever he wants.
Sometimes comes to the station to meet me off the train - i love this!

Cleaner comes once a week. Nanny arrives at our house twice a week after collecting youngest from nursery at 4 - she brings her sons and they lark around on the Xbox.

It all works well and he says he lives having house to himself. He's a bit bored by end of hols sometimes but there's nothing wrong with being a bit bored for heaven's sake.

Op you hadn't mentioned the neighbours dog before.

I'd suggested that she go to neighbours for lunch so you have some sort of middle of day check in - taking the dog for a walk would achieve the same purpose and get her out of the house as well for a bit - so that seems like a really good plan.

I think there’s a few things to consider, with the main thing being is the child comfortable being left alone no matter for how long? You can have a very mature 12 year old who is totally independent and trust worthy, but you could have a 15 year old who may not be sensible if left alone for 12 hours... Personally I think it is a long time to be home alone. If it’s unavoidable just ensure lots of plans in place for the ‘just in case’ and ‘what to do if’ - hope it works out!

I have an almost 12 year old. He is home on his own from 07.30 to 17.30 once a week during the school holidays.

He has 2 close friends that live very near (same cul-de-sac) and, generally, but not always, at least one Mum is home too.

I work 3 miles away and am contactable by phone or text.

He can cook simple things like pizza, beans on toast or omelette and is sensible. He lets me know if he's popping to a friend's house or to the shop.

It's an individual choice. There are several of his friends who definitely shouldn't be left.

Are you talking about doing this 5 days a week??

4 days a week but 4 weeks of the summer holiday are covered so shes asking me to leave her in May half term and the bits either side of mine and her Dads leave. Thats worst case scenario!

So, 3 weeks in summer holidays at most? I don't think I'd allow or feel comfortable with it for any longer tbh, but that's just a personal thing.

It sounds doable in theory, but perhaps make sure she knows how to do some basic meals and set some firm ground rules.

Could the grandparent come over in an emergency situation? Could she have another alternate contact aswell as the elderly neighbour?

I’d have been really frightened, bored and lonely at 12. Would she do something that is not “childcare”like a Sports/drama/music course or similar?

In an ideal world I could have all the holidays off with the kids and not leave them. In the real world I have to go to work so mine have stayed home alone from 11 years (senior school age).
I generally leave around 8.00 and back around 6.00.
My 13 year old quite often won't get out of bed until lunch - she is a teenager! She does exercise at other times though - dance games on the Xbox, has an exercise mat and weights, trampolines and ice skates once a week and I usually get dragged out for a really long walk after dinner. Don't see a problem if she has a lie in.
I don't leave sandwiches. She is more than capable of making sandwiches/toast/soup etc.
I don't see a problem with leaving your 12 year old if you are happy with how sensible she is.

If she’s really seems keen on the idea, maybe do a trial run? Would you be able to try maybe 6 hours and have her go to a friends for part of a day, if my kids were left alone that length of time they’d spend all day on the Ipad, not get dressed and veg out!!

It’s a difficult age, too old for childcare but not really old enough to be fully self sufficient!

I remember being left alone as a teenager in school holidays, and I loved it. I really enjoyed being alone and in charge. I lived in the middle of nowhere and was pretty solitary anyway, and don't remember ever feeling lonely or bored. I do remember looking forward to the alone time. I used to sleep in, then wear pyjamas most of the day, eat ice cream for breakfast, watch crappy telly, nose around my parents' drawers for secrets, eat lots of toast and read naughty books. It was great fun.