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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Leaving a child home alone

161 replies

Namechangegames · 10/04/2018 17:16

How old would your child need to be before you'd leave them home alone in the holidays in the following circumstances... The shift including travel time is 12hrs, an elderly neighbour would happily be on call for emergencies, as would a grandparent that's 10 min drive away. Parent leaves at 7am, home by 7pm. Child not likely to get out of bed until after 12md. Very sensible child, not allowed to open the door to anyone or use heat for food (toaster etc) lots of cereals and sandwiches available

OP posts:

Original poster

Namechangegames · 10/04/2018 17:42

I'm finding it really interesting that the measures I'd want in place to keep the environment safer for her, are the reasons people are saying no.
She has a key and is capable of coming and going but as we live in the middle of nowhere, she has nothing to go out for. I trust her totally but for the same reasons people buy holiday insurance, I am trying to look at ways of making the situation (should it happen) as safe as possible

OP posts:

ButchyRestingFace · 10/04/2018 17:43

What are you expecting her to do for 12 hours though? Not leave the house, not answer the door, speak to anyone? It would be very boring and lonely for her.

I was rather thinking that what OP described her daughter would get up to (bed/watching TV/make up/books) is less than ideal for 12 hours a day, day after day.

But I don't know if that's just my pre-internet, outdoorsy childhood speaking.

Cockmagic · 10/04/2018 17:44

The safest thing would be to arrange someone to look after her, maybe a friend?

That1950sMum · 10/04/2018 17:44

No way! I leave my 12 yr old DD for an hour or so but wouldn't even consider it for 12 hours.

Original poster

Namechangegames · 10/04/2018 17:45

Franticallypeaceful I said I do trust her not to, not that I don't

OP posts:

Fluffy40 · 10/04/2018 17:48

At that age , three hours maximum.

BarryTheKestrel · 10/04/2018 17:49

If you don't trust the toaster what about the microwave?
Even in the summer holidays there can be cold days, being able to make a hot lunch/snack would be nice.

At that age I was often left alone in the holidays for 12ish hours. I'd have a key, maybe go to a friend's, or a friend would come to me. Always cleared with mum by text message or if she was in a meeting I'd let her friend (who was on call for emergencies 2 roads away whilst working from home) know where I was and when I planned to be home.
I'd often make beans on toast, pot noodles, micro pizza etc for a hot lunch on rainy days etc.

I was rubbish at cleaning up after myself but was more than safe the whole time.

Only once was there an issue between the ages of 12 and 16. I'd fallen down a few stairs but had my phone on my to call for help and had only sprained my ankle.

If you trust her, trust her to do it properly, otherwise you don't trust her enough to be alone for 12 hours.

Highhorse1981 · 10/04/2018 17:49

Way way too long

missmapp · 10/04/2018 17:52

Ds2 is 13 and has,had days home alone since 12. They are only inset days though as I work in school and so have holidays off. He is however night from 4 to about 6. The only issue I can foresee is she will get bored. Ds2 likes a day at home but not too often.

Scoogle · 10/04/2018 17:54

My DS is 12. Due to a bit of a crisis yesterday he was left for about 4 hours. He didn't care. Neighbour had an ear out. He has a phone and a key. I wouldn't leave him for a day though

mylurcheristhebest · 10/04/2018 17:54

I send my daughter to childcare and she is 12. My 14 year old I leave for 5 hours max.

catinapoolofsunshine · 10/04/2018 17:54

I have an agreement that I do short early shifts Min-Fri and long at weekends when DH is home in the holidays, which means I my kids (12.5, 10.5 and 7) are home alone for 4.5 hours, as DH leaves later than me. They're only awake for about 2.5 hours of that. This would probably get some MNers worked up because of the 7 year old, but we're in Germany and it's generally approved of. We also have neighbors aware as emergency contacts but they've never been needed.

I think 12 hours is too long to do regularly, rather than as a one off. Not because she's too young exactly, but because it's such a bloody long time not to be allowed to leave the house, or even open the door for. It's incredibly isolating and dull to be confined to the house almost 24 hours per day. I wouldn't want to leave them 12 hours til I trust them to go out and come home without an adult in the house - which I would trust a 14 year old to do but in my case I'll have to think about how that works in combination with younger siblings.

As a one off in your situation 12 hours is fine IMO, but not more than a couple of times per month.

Mosaic123 · 10/04/2018 17:56

Yes too long I'm afraid. Perhaps, as a compromise, she can go to GP for a late lunch and stay untill you come home?

Ask her what she'd do if there was a fire. The answer should be I'd leave the house and then phone 999 and not the other way round.

MyDcAreMarvel · 10/04/2018 17:56

No it’s really selfish to leave a 12 year old fir that long. Two to three hours is fine. 14/15 is the youngest to leave that long.

MyDcAreMarvel · 10/04/2018 17:56

*for

jazzmin · 10/04/2018 17:58

When I was her age, my parents paid a local teenager to pop by for a couple of hours in the afternoon. I thought she was cool, gave me a bit of company and broke the day up. We would go for a walk or play a board game. I loved being on my own and still crave a bit of solitude now as an adult!

WorraLiberty · 10/04/2018 17:59

Surely she must have something to go out for?

Being cooped up for 12 hours a day would drive me stir crazy as an adult.

Even more so as a 12 year old child.

Canadalife · 10/04/2018 18:00

I very much believe in helping children develop independence...and would be happy to leave a confident 12 year old for some time. But I think 12 hours is too long for that age to be alone. I know my very trustworthy 14 used to get lonely and bored on their own. Ok for a morning or afternoon or even a school day 8.30 till 3.00...but 12 hours is a long time. Even if they don’t get out of bed until 12 that is a long stretch being awake and alone. I think you need to rethink child care, clubs, friends or something...so they have some company and supervision.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 10/04/2018 18:01

two - four hours, fine. 12 hours is way, way too long.

She's 12, you will just have to tell her what's happening about childcare if you can't reach agreement. Does she really get up at midday?!

upsideup · 10/04/2018 18:02

I would do this with 11 year old dd as a one of if it was an emergency.
But every day in the holidays, no way! Shes going to get very bored and thats when something bad is going to happen, I wouldnt be happy with her just lying in bed all day every day either.
Cant she do something with friends?

Ilovecamping · 10/04/2018 18:02

I left a 13 year old at home and she burnt the carpet and she was sensible! 12 hours is too long in my opinion.

DioneTheDiabolist · 10/04/2018 18:04

As pps have said, it depends on the child. If I didn't trust my DC with a toaster then I wouldn't feel safe leaving them for 12 hours at a time.

Housewife2010 · 10/04/2018 18:04

Why is the child not getting up until midday?

Original poster

Namechangegames · 10/04/2018 18:05

Some interesting opinions. Thanks

OP posts:

Yogagirl123 · 10/04/2018 18:05

Personally no I wouldn’t take the risk.

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