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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving a child home alone

161 replies

Namechangegames · 10/04/2018 17:16

How old would your child need to be before you'd leave them home alone in the holidays in the following circumstances... The shift including travel time is 12hrs, an elderly neighbour would happily be on call for emergencies, as would a grandparent that's 10 min drive away. Parent leaves at 7am, home by 7pm. Child not likely to get out of bed until after 12md. Very sensible child, not allowed to open the door to anyone or use heat for food (toaster etc) lots of cereals and sandwiches available

OP posts:
catinapoolofsunshine · 10/04/2018 18:06

jazz 's idea of arranging for someone to come over for 2-3 hours in the afternoon would make it workable. Maybe look on the sitters website or ask friends with older teens if you know any you're fairly confident are trustworthy. She could get outside with them or cook with them present, or just break the monotony and have a sounding board if boredom is encouraging her to consider silly behaviour.

dayinlifeof · 10/04/2018 18:08

If they're too young to be trusted with a toaster, they're too young to spend 12 hrs alone.

I wouldn't trust many teenagers with a toaster having had a house fire caused by a burning toast.

Iceweasel · 10/04/2018 18:13

More than 10 hours and I would say 13 years old.

Independent enough to go out and do their own thing, see a movie, catch a bus or walk a couple of miles to a friends house, old enough to have friends over without adult supervision. I would want them mature enough to make hot drinks, cheese on toast under the grill, etc.

catinapoolofsunshine · 10/04/2018 18:13

Ilove when my youngest sibling was 19 she came to stay with me for the summer to temp in the city and she also burnt my carpet - with an iron! It was the first carpet I'd ever bought, for the first home I'd owned, and it had only been down two weeks - I was incredibly upset and she thought it wasn't a big deal because she said sorry! You can't necessarily take one incident as a reason to assume that the person was too young to be home alone. My mother also broke my shower screen in the same flat when I left her there alone, and she was about 50 at the time...

hdh747 · 10/04/2018 18:16

I don't think there's a set age, it's about the maturity and competence of the specific child.
Can they be trusted to do all the tasks they need to in that time-frame to look after themselves? For me that would include cooking, knowing what to do if a visitor came, the phone rang, there was a fire, flood, a piece of equipment malfuncioned. Considering how they would be spending their time and what they would do if bored. Knowing when to call for assistance. And having practiced and become comfortable in doing all those things as far as possible.
I might add and be trusted not to wreck the joint while I'm out but then I'd never leave my hubby alone in charge of the kitchen...Easter Wink

MoveDownSouth · 10/04/2018 18:19

I started leaving my son for a bit once he was secondary school age. He would also let himself in from school. As the school was a bus ride away he didn't get home until 420pm and I finished at 4pm (with 40 min journey home).
I started leaving him longer from 12 years - tbh he started refusing to come with me as I am so BORING! He is now 14 and we have had no problems. If I go out over lunch I make him up a packed lunch. He has his mobile in case of any problems.
A 12 hour shift is a long time to leave a youngster. We both work shifts so if I'm not at home then DH is. I'd worry about dark nights too.

That1950sMum · 10/04/2018 18:21

Surely it is about more than whether she's going to set fire to the toaster or when to call 999. It would be bloody miserable and lonely for her to be left for 12 hours. It really isn't fair to just abandon her. As a parent you need to step up and organise some decent childcare.

Sammy901 · 10/04/2018 18:21

I think 12 is to young for a whole day, a few hours yes but not 12hrs.

I can remember being left for an hour or two when I was 11/12, I defiantly wasn’t left for whole days.

I don’t think I was left for whole days til 16 but I’m sure that’s because there wasn’t a need as such as my dad worked shift nights and mum worked days so there was always someone at home even if my dad was asleep

Zoflorabore · 10/04/2018 18:23

My 15 yr old has been left home alone since he was 11 if I needed to go shopping etc or it was somewhere he didn't want to go.

12 hours is a long time and I would feel bad leaving him alone for that long.
Is it a one off?

The novelty would probably wear off very quickly.

Brokenbiscuit · 10/04/2018 18:25

I would leave my sensible 12yo for a shorter work day (7/8 hours max) but not for as long as 12 hours. Is there somewhere else she could go in the evening?

Original poster
Namechangegames · 10/04/2018 18:26

Hdh747 shes been fully quizzed on all of that and given appropriate answers before I'd leave her alone for an hour or two.

She's used to being alone ish because an older sibling used to live here. They'd be left together but older sibling didn't leave their room or interact

I wasn't considering it until May half term, maybe, as I'm here this week. I'm a single parent so no dh to tag team it. In the summer her Dad is having her for 2 weeks, I'm off for 2 and need to sort the rest, so its not the full holidays

OP posts:
Nanny67 · 10/04/2018 18:27

Mine are 16 and 17 and have never left them for that long!! Probably 6 hours maximum ha ha!!

Notevilstepmother · 10/04/2018 18:27

I think a sensible 12 year old could be left for a while, but 12 hours is way too long, especially on a regular basis.

Original poster
Namechangegames · 10/04/2018 18:28

As a parent I am stepping up but thanks for your opinion that1950smum. She has asked to be left and I'm exploring opinions on it, not abandoning her

OP posts:
swingofthings · 10/04/2018 18:33

I think I left mine for that length of time when they were 10 or 11. They were both more mature than their age though. The key instruction was that they HAD to have their phone with them at all time and answer me the first time I called or I would get a neighbour in immediately.

At first I called every hour and gradually only twice a day until I did only once. They both loved being left on their own and didn't mind if it was all day. They really didn't see the difference between 8 hours and 12. Saying that, 12 hours was rare, more likely to be 9h.

Rudgie47 · 10/04/2018 18:36

I was left from 6 and had to get on with it for 6-7 hours.
I'd say you go with the maturity of the child not the age, you can get sensible 10 year old and a 16 year old who you just cant trust for a minute.
I think 12 hours is a long time as she will get bored most likely. I would be more inclined to send her to Grandparents or a friends for a few hours at least and then repay the favour.

missymayhemsmum · 10/04/2018 18:51

I'd leave her to a lazy morning but require her to get herself to the grandparents for lunch, with a plan for the afternoon, eg swimming with a friend. 12 hrs unsupervised and unscheduled is asking for trouble.

Mintychoc1 · 10/04/2018 18:59

OP it's too long in my opinion.
Mind you, I'm astounded at the poster who wouldn't leave a 16 year old for that long. When I was 16 my mum went to America for a month!

Zoflorabore · 10/04/2018 19:12

Just remembered that when I was 15 I was left for 4 days whilst my parents went abroad on a work trip.

My younger brothers were sent to my grandparents house which was a 10 minute walk away. I was so happy!

Apart from a slight incident with a sink falling off the wall it all went well.

They must have been mad, if I left 15yr old ds home alone for 4 days I would come back to no houseGrin

CocoPuffsInGodMode · 10/04/2018 19:14

I think if she's a confident and competent 12 it's fine but to me competent includes being able to use the toaster/hob etc. If it's just for a few days at half term then I wouldn't be too worried that she'd be bored. As you say she'll likely have some long lie ins plus no doubt she'll have a phone, tv, books, possibly computer, a bedroom that could do with cleaning. Could she have a friend over sometimes for company?

Original poster
Namechangegames · 10/04/2018 19:21

Cocopuffsingodmode you have obviously seen her pit room.

No friends locally, I sent her out of catchment due to some severe bullying at primary school. I'd let her have a friend to sleep over but thats often fallen through and would depend on the other parent being ok with them being alone

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 10/04/2018 19:21

Nanny both your kids can leave home with very little you could do to stop them!

clarrylove · 10/04/2018 19:22

I would not leave my soon to be 12yr old for that long. Can't she spend time at a friends? Or at least have lunch with GPS?

And you are right about the toaster! Mine recently caught fire, not the toast, the element. It was scary but I opened the back door, took heat proof oven gloves and hurled it outside onto the gravel path. I don't know what my 11yr old would have done.

foxyloxy78 · 10/04/2018 19:23

16

RedSkyAtNight · 10/04/2018 19:23

I'd be happy to leave a sensible 12 year old in the circumstances that you describe, however my main concern that DD would get very bored. I also have a 12 year old DD and know that on holiday days where she has not made plans with friends, she is climbing the walls with boredom by the end of the day (and my work day is substantially shorter than yours!). If you are in the middle of nowhere an no friends option, this would be a real worry. Possibly grandparents could come over for a couple of hours/take her out to break up the day?

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