WWYD? Dogs and fearful child

[teaandtwigs]

My DS (5) is incredibly fearful of dogs. He was rushed at by big dogs as a toddler and has struggled since. If they are on a lead, he comes round to the opposite side of me to get past them, that's fine. Our issue is with unleashed dogs that we meet out on walks (we have footpaths near our house/often walk round woods locally/at NT properties). They will very often be running/having a grand old time (as they are obviously allowed to do!) but he will literally climb up me to get away from them/become loudly distressed if they approach/jump round our feet, which makes them all the more excited and jump more.

Unfortunately at this point, the owners always seem to be miles back, the dogs won't recall or the owners will shout, 'don't worry, they are friendly' and make no attempt to get the dog/s away. I can see they are friendly but that doesn't stop my DS from trying to sit on my head!

I'm just not sure what to do at this point - when I asked one lady to please take a hold of her dog she told me that her dog had every right to be there, and we'd have to stay home if ds was going to 'act like that'.

I know we have to work on helping ds through his fear but it's baby steps and it feels like we take a step back every time we go out!

Any advice - on how to deal with loose dogs and conquering his fear - would be appreciated!

I find the comment that dogs on leads are more dangerous to children and runners quite ludicrous. Of course they arnt the owner can yank them back.

Off lead that’s impossible. Dogs should be on leads all the time in public places unless it’s a specific area for off leash dogs.

Sick and tired of bouncing growling dogs terrifying my little dog walking by me on her lead not to mention scaring my grandkids.

Thank you for all the useful responses and info about what's worked for your families personally.

We definitely in no way cultivate his fear - I talk calmly, quietly, reassure him that it's a friendly dog/the dog is out for a nice walk with his mummy/daddy, oh look at him chasing his ball, wow he can jump and catch that ball, isn't he fluffy/hairy/a lovely shade of yellow etc etc.

Sorry to start a big dog discussion....I know they always attract strong opinion!

What @Hypermice said!

Many have commented about parents teaching their children to be afraid but I don’t think that was the case here. OP said her DC was frightened by a dog as a toddler.

Same thing happened to my DCs - we were staying with relatives who had dogs at the time. For years, I got constant abuse from dog owners who insisted I had taught my DCs to be scared of dogs..... not that it was any of their business.... I did not complain to them, they were just upset at my DCs moving from one side of me to the other.

The fact of the matter is that if your dog is off the lead, you should be in complete control of it. If it doesn’t reliably come the moment you call it, please don’t let if off the lead.

I was out running in the woods once and a young dog started charging into my legs at high speed. I wasn’t scared because I realized it was playing. HOWEVER, the owner kept calling the dog and he completely ignored the man. If I had been elderly, disabled or a child, I would have been knocked to the ground and probably terrified.

I have an allergy to dogs. If I find myself in a confined space with a dog i just move away as I would start to wheeze and i respect people's right to have their dogs in certain places, however I have twice been licked by friendly dogs outside where there was nowhere to wash and I then came out in itchy red bumps which take a couple of days, and antihistamines, to go. The owners reassured me their dogs were friendly but I would rather they keep their friendly dogs to themselves. I actually love dogs and had one until I developed an allergy.

I'm not a dog person but can't believe I've just read that a poster encourages her children to be scared of dogs and will kick one in the face.. Great parenting

@SandyY2K Aw, thank you! Yeah... I don't get why every owner doesn't get that not everyone loves dogs.

I make them ride safely and wear helmets.
I don’t let them ride on the motorway and then shout at car drivers.

This is a good parallel.
Your child will encounter cars in his everyday life. He will also encounter dogs. Both cars and dogs are important to human beings.

You teach your child about car safety. You make sure he behaves appropriately around cars. You make sure he stays out of spaces where cars have priority. If he tries to run out in front of a car you control him. You don't think cars should only be allowed to be driven at 10mph.

So teach your child about dog safety. Make him behave appropriately around dogs (no screaming, no hysterics, no running). If he can't do so, don't take him to places where dogs are likely to be off-lead. Don't think that dogs should always be muzzled and chained.

So teach your child about dog safety. Make him behave appropriately around dogs (no screaming, no hysterics, no running). If he can't do so, don't take him to places where dogs are likely to be off-lead.

Seriously? Children can’t run in parks? My kid is taught never to approach or bother a dog, but I’m absolutely not going to tell him he can’t run Around and laugh because someone’s precious mutt cant possibly be on a lead.
Dog owners need to realise that not everyone likes their pets and that their desire to have them free range is totally secondary to safety of humans.

And places that dogs are likely to be off lead is bloody everywhere- beaches, parks, the pavements.

If you can’t keep your dog under control you shouldn’t own a dog. Thank god there are some sensible owners like sandyY2k

I’ve just driven home and seen a massive dog unrestrained, in the front seat of a car jumping over and licking the drivers face while they were driving. I bet they’re of the ‘precious dog must be allowed to run free sod your kids’ Ilk.

@Hypermice I was talking about running away in reaction to a dog "approaching" (i.e., is walking in the opposite direction on a path, minding its own business)… as was discussed earlier.

Why can't dog owners either keep their dogs on a lead or train them not to run up to people? It doesn't seem like rocket science to me.

A child running away from a dog is not an extreme reaction. A child should be taught not to run up to a dog and bother it, but just running away is not extreme. Toddlers are small. Dogs seem big.
If the dog chases, that is not the fault of the child.

My kids would never be allowed to approach a strange dog, touch it, shout at it or bother it but if they ran away from it and the dog went after them I’d be having words with the owner.

If dogs can’t cope with a bunch of kids running laughing and shrieking as part of play then they dont go unleashed where kids are playing.

I have 2 dogs. Older dog is 5 and very well behaved, will ask me for permission to go up to people or dogs and won't go unless she gets released. Younger dog is 9 months old and an over friendly idiot! As such will be in a training line and prevented from accessing anything without my (and the other person's) express permission until his training level makes him bombproof like his sister.

As has been said, it's common sense. Which is apparently NOT common.

The last two comments show that people really don't understand dogs. 1. The majority of dogs will give chase if you run away from them—this is provoking the dog. Equally, if you poke the dog with a stick and it growls at you, don't blame the dog! Running away from a dog is not the same thing as " kids running laughing and shrieking as part of play".

1. A dog cannot be kept on a lead at all times—that is cruelty as it won't give adequate exercise to a large dog.

"Don't think that dogs should always be muzzled and chained."

Dogs that can't cope with perfectly normal child behaviour bloody well ought to be!

People don't seem to understand that dogs are aware if you are engaging with them or not. Running away is engaging with them and inviting them to chase you.

A dog cannot be kept on a lead at all times—that is cruelty as it won't give adequate exercise to a large dog.

Sure, but it's on the owner to find a genuinely suitable place to allow the dog off lead. It's not the responsibility of those who don't own those dogs to fit in with their needs.

A dog running off-lead is not automatically "out of control". A dog running towards you (on a path, for example) is not necessarily "approaching" you. Most of the time the dog will ignore you or run past without giving you a second look

This is exactly our dog. He isn't interested in you, (or in another dog) He runs down the path and runs right past you without a second glance. As I know that people are uncertain about a dog running down the path I always call him, and we walk/run over the grass, away from the path until we are past the other person.

The trouble is (and I recognise this, which is why I call him over to run across the grass) is that the person has no idea that your dog is not going to stop, jump up, steal the ice cream from yoru child's hand etc. Untilt he dog reaches them, they do not know if the dog is going to run past, or run stright into them.

1. The majority of dogs will give chase if you run away from them—this is provoking the dog.

1. The well trained dogs I’ve worked with and know would not do this.
2. If your dog is provoked by a child running away it’s dangerous, and needs to be leashed where children are.
3. If you can’t provide safe adequate excercise for your dog then your shouldn’t have one

Until he dog reaches them, they do not know if the dog is going to run past, or run stright into them.

But you can tell! Is the dog looking at you, or past you? Is he wagging his tail like he wants to say hello, or is he intent on sniffing the ground or whatever is further down the path? Just the eye contact thing is quite often all you need.

What Hypermice said.

Absolutely a dogs prey drive will often be engaged by a child (or anything else for that matter) running, but either training so that recall can be used to redirect the dog back to the owner or management of the situation with a lead is the answer.
Whilst it is immensely helpful if people do the right thing and stay still, it isn't the fault of the hapless individual who gets chased, it's the fault of the dog owner who allows it.......and I say that as a professional dog trainer.

Other people should not have to modify their behaviour to accommodate your dog. If you can't stop it chasing a child that runs away from it, then it shouldn't be off the lead.

"If he can't do so, don't take him to places where dogs are likely to be off-lead."

No, people take precedence over pets. Why should I keep my disabled child away from places he loves because of selfish dog owners.

My youngest has become scared of dogs and we own three. A dog on a lead! Attacked her in her pushchair, she wasn’t screaming, she didn’t have food she was say there’s nearly asleep. We still haven’t combatted her fear even owning dogs ourself and I’m not sure if we ever will as to her even dogs on leads are not a safe thing. The onus is on dog owners to keep their dogs under control not for other people to avoid the local parks funnily enough they weren’t kept for dog walkers but for people to enjoy and most places have signs that state dogs should be on leads. We have a private fenced area where we can excersize ours off lead as responsible owners where there is no risk of them hurting a random by passer or making someone feel frightened.

hypermice. Attacks and actual dangerous dogs aside, If you're not you willing to modify your childs or your own behaviour then you're going to be partly to blame if either of you keep getting chased. (note: chased not attacked as most dogs wouldnt attack regardless, but would engage).
Saying you're unwilling to change is not going to suddenly make every dog roboticly behaved and/or every owner keep them on a lead, so you're keeping the problem going for yourself.

People are offering simple advice at how to make life easier for those who don't like it in a way you can actually control.