WWYD? Dogs and fearful child

[teaandtwigs]

My DS (5) is incredibly fearful of dogs. He was rushed at by big dogs as a toddler and has struggled since. If they are on a lead, he comes round to the opposite side of me to get past them, that's fine. Our issue is with unleashed dogs that we meet out on walks (we have footpaths near our house/often walk round woods locally/at NT properties). They will very often be running/having a grand old time (as they are obviously allowed to do!) but he will literally climb up me to get away from them/become loudly distressed if they approach/jump round our feet, which makes them all the more excited and jump more.

Unfortunately at this point, the owners always seem to be miles back, the dogs won't recall or the owners will shout, 'don't worry, they are friendly' and make no attempt to get the dog/s away. I can see they are friendly but that doesn't stop my DS from trying to sit on my head!

I'm just not sure what to do at this point - when I asked one lady to please take a hold of her dog she told me that her dog had every right to be there, and we'd have to stay home if ds was going to 'act like that'.

I know we have to work on helping ds through his fear but it's baby steps and it feels like we take a step back every time we go out!

Any advice - on how to deal with loose dogs and conquering his fear - would be appreciated!

“So yes, people have an obligation to learn how to deal with them properly, and that includes keeping YOUR CHILD under control in areas where dogs are allowed, and not causing the dog to become agitated by hysterics, screaming or any other such unreasonable behaviour.”

Bollocks. The obligation is entirely with the dog owner.

Sorry, not had time to rtft, but if you are anywhere near Essex, then Essex dog training club run a free course for kids who are terrified / phobic with dogs; apparently it's well rated and highly successful

A dog running off-lead is not automatically "out of control". A dog running towards you (on a path, for example) is not necessarily "approaching" you. Most of the time the dog will ignore you or run past without giving you a second look. If, however, children react to either of the above two situations by screaming, running or becoming agitated then yes, the dog is going to react and it is your child that has caused the problem, not the dog.

Perhaps this should be a compulsory part of education for young children.

There seems to be a lot of misunderstanding of the legal situation around dogs - the responsibility for keeping them under control lies with the owner. Yes it might be useful if people behaved calmly around dogs, but they are under no legal obligation to do so. Dog owners however are legally obliged to keep their dog under control.

Very often the dings don’t actually charge into people, or indeed children.
They run along, in a group or on their own minding their own business but when someone is afraid of them then they might perceive this and charging into or coming for them.

Most dogs pay no attention to random persons passing by, they just mooch around sniffing. Dogs are simple creatures and most are friendly.

Jumpy puppies aren’t nice, I agree, but they do have to learn their manners somewhere. Just like people.

My dog’s are the loveliest you can ever meet, and even with them I sometimes overhear parents telling their children “ Look at the big bad dog, be careful” even when the dogs are on the lead. It’s rare, but it happens and it’s very sad to hear it.

So much dog hating on this thread is sad. In my experience children's fear of dogs usually comes from the parent and more specifically the mother.
OP I would teach your child to stand still if approached by a dog, noise and sudden movements can frighten and excite them. The idea of taking food to throw away from you if approached by a dog is a stupid one, the dog is likely to come up to you looking for more and it will encourage future bad behaviour in the dog.
I'd suggest taking your son to a fundraiser for guide dogs, they often have weekend collections at supermarkets, garden centres with guide dog puppies and their puppy walkers and they are very gentle and well trained.

dogs not dings

I am not sure an assistance dog would add anything helpful to the mix with two children with asd and a full time job Chrys2017. I am also not convinced that this would be helpful as it would probably lead to v heightened anxiety which would cause much more challenging behaviour at home but cheers for the completely ridiculous suggestion.

Quite surprised at the amount of posters on here who are scared of dogs and seem to be egging their children on to be scared also. Yes there are some exceptions but most dogs are family pets - they might get a bit excited out and about but are harmless. To suggest kicking one is shocking!

Humans don’t exist in a void - we share this planet with dogs and other animals and it’s much more beneficial to a child to teach them how to be around animals than to fear them! Yes there are annoying dogs - but there are also annoying people! It’s just one of life’s things that people and their children have to learn to cope with I’m afraid.

By the way that was aimed at posters who think it is reasonable to fear/hurt dogs - not those who want to help their children overcome their fear of dogs! Hope things improve for you OP - agree with PPs suggestions about starting to interact first with gentle dogs etc 🐶

So many kids seem to be scared of dogs these days, Christ knows why

If you read the previous posts you'll see many reasons why, when the kids are little dogs will jump at them and terrify them. You'll also see that those parents are trying to teach their kids not to be scared. You can't just delete "dog fear.exe" and expect them to suddenly be ok.

I was at the park with my friend and her 18 month old was sitting on the grass next to the slide and a basset hound bowled her over trying to lick her face. She was terrified. The owner called the dog and didn't say a word, just walked away.

We share this world with other animals, we can't expect everything to revolve around humans.

This makes no sense considering it's humans who own and train the dogs, so the onus is on them still to control the thing.

Jesus. Some of the dog owners on here are exactly the reason why children have phobias but they still try and blame the poor kids.

I go to a local park with toddlers and most of the dog owners are fantastic about making sure their dogs keep their distance. None of mine were scared of dogs until a dog belonging to one of these ‘he’s just being friendly’, ‘they have to learn to cope’ types rushed one of my toddlers and knocked him over. Now he is terrified.

Dogs knock kids over. Other kids knock kids over. Kids fall over. It isn’t the end of the world. Being licked by a dog is gross but not dangerous.

No one blames the children, it’s the parents who can, in some cases, cause the child to be scared of dogs.

Chrys2017 the onus on you and similar dog owners is to accept that severely disabled people may be about and think about that when you take your dog out.
If a dog is rushing ahead it is likely to be being a pain with nervous dogs on leads too.

Bilbo imagine being knocked over and licked by a bear who is taller than you, whose teeth are the same length as your forefinger. You’ve never been in close contact with this kind of animal and the interaction took you completely by surprise.

Then have a giant stroll up, laughing saying “he won’t bite you! He’s just being friendly.”

You are screaming because you are frightened and this animal won’t leave you alone.

But you are the one who is being ridiculous.

Have some sympathy for a toddler being knocked over.

Thing is, it doesn't matter if it's dangerous, in the eyes of a toddler it is in that moment, an unknown dog jumping up at them is vastly different from another toddler pushing them over (also not ok). The two aren't even comparable. Plus, another toddler isn't dangerous, but some dogs actually are. The reason a lot of adults are scared of dogs is because they've been attacked/seen an attack. It's not unfounded.

No dog should jump up at someone, especially not a vulnerable child. It's the owner's responsibility to stop that. I hate jumpy dogs, if I wanted muddy paws on my jeans I'd get my own jumpy dog, thanks.

I’m not saying that it might not be scary - of course it would be! My point is that you/your child won’t always be able to control what other people and their dogs do, so i don’t think that the parent should be breeding/Encouraging a fear of dogs because it won’t be beneficial to the child in the long run. As I said before my comments are aimed at posters who ‘approve’ their child’s fear rather than trying to change it

Also, what about the elderly lady walking with a stick, if the dog jumps up and knocks her over is that ok? How about the blind guy who can't see the dog coming? No? But perfectly ok for the dog to knock over the toddler. Got it.

To make this about children with severe ADD is a bit different. I don't think the majority of people complaining of being scared have that issue. If they've been bitten or hurt then fair enough but just a general fear for a dog just being there or coming close is something that needs to be worked through, not avoided.
Kids should be introduced to animals when little anyway in person / on tv / farm whatever. This "big scary dog like a bear and that the child doesnt know what it is" suggests you haven't exposed your child to them before or taught them about animals or how to behave around them.

I’m not saying it’s perfectly ok. It can be intimidating and annoying as hell.

I just don’t think it’s perfectly ok to encourage your child to have a fear of dogs that’s all I’m saying.

asd keeps changing to add sorry.

Some children may be scared because they have picked it up from parents but sometimes it is pure instinct and it is very hard to get past that with some children. My son is more scared by the body language of anxious dogs than by friendly bouncy dogs.

I just don’t think it’s perfectly ok to encourage your child to have a fear of dogs that’s all I’m saying.

I agree with you there.

Kids should be introduced to animals when little anyway in person / on tv / farm whatever. This "big scary dog like a bear and that the child doesnt know what it is" suggests you haven't exposed your child to them before or taught them about animals or how to behave around them.

While I agree with you I think it isn't that easy. My kids have been around dogs since they were born, in the park, at my mum's. But they're 3 and 1. If a dog rushes them and scares them that's 3 years of socialising down the drain. It's one thing to be used to being around dogs, it's another to have one knock you over with it's big hairy head in your face.

All dogs are potentially dangerous.

The potential degree of danger depends on the degree to which the dog is trained, the breed of the dog (would you rather be trapped in a lift with a pissed off doberman or an angry pug?) and then any health/pain issues. Even previously gentle dogs can snap - my cousin nearly had his face ripped off by their huge, gentle, family dog when it got sick. It’d never shown an iota of aggression before. He’s a big lad and was in company and they managed to pull it off him but it would have killed a child - no doubt whatsoever. All animals are unpredictable to various extents - it’s Ok to be wary of them.

It’s perfectly Ok to teach children to be WARY of dogs - that dogs generally are OK but that unknown dogs should not be approached or messed with and that all dogs ( and indeed all animals) should be treated with wary respect. That’s sensible and not the same as teaching them to be terrified.

If you own a dog your obligation is to train it, and keep it under control when it’s in public. If your dog is jumping at little kids (or anyone) it’s NOT under control regardless of how ‘nice’ it is. It’s not a toddlers responsibility to not get knocked over - it’s the dog owners.