WWYD? Dogs and fearful child

[teaandtwigs]

My DS (5) is incredibly fearful of dogs. He was rushed at by big dogs as a toddler and has struggled since. If they are on a lead, he comes round to the opposite side of me to get past them, that's fine. Our issue is with unleashed dogs that we meet out on walks (we have footpaths near our house/often walk round woods locally/at NT properties). They will very often be running/having a grand old time (as they are obviously allowed to do!) but he will literally climb up me to get away from them/become loudly distressed if they approach/jump round our feet, which makes them all the more excited and jump more.

Unfortunately at this point, the owners always seem to be miles back, the dogs won't recall or the owners will shout, 'don't worry, they are friendly' and make no attempt to get the dog/s away. I can see they are friendly but that doesn't stop my DS from trying to sit on my head!

I'm just not sure what to do at this point - when I asked one lady to please take a hold of her dog she told me that her dog had every right to be there, and we'd have to stay home if ds was going to 'act like that'.

I know we have to work on helping ds through his fear but it's baby steps and it feels like we take a step back every time we go out!

Any advice - on how to deal with loose dogs and conquering his fear - would be appreciated!

While it really should be down to the owner to control their dog, could you take dog treats with you? When a dog rushes at you, throw a handful of treats at the dog. Most will stop and eat the treats - allowing you time to get your son away. I would then have strong words with the owner about the DDA and the fact that your son has been afraid means they are in breach of The Dangerous Dogs Act.

I think parental response to such a situation makes a big difference to those episodes though.
By the sound of some people here , the parent would be panicked or oh my gosh whats happened to you are u ok etc etc. This happened to my niece a few weeks ago and my sister's response was " oop, I think that dog wanted to give u a kiss. you're ok :) c'mon let's play with this...."
made it a none issue. .

Next they say its ok it's friendly, go up to them, start hugging them and stroking their face and leaning against them. It's ok I'm friendly.
My children and I don't do it to you so don't let your dog do it to us!
I have taught my children you don't touch a dog without asking his owner first and to keep you (give dog space) and your hands away (at sides) until the owner says yes. That is all the dog training my children need. The rest is up to owner to teach the dog.
My daughter was scared of dogs for a long time after a puppy was in her face and licking her face when she was smaller. Luckily now she has become much better and even wants a dog herself. She is just nervous of unknown dogs that startle her or bark a lot. Dogs that she knows she adores.

*Next time they say, not next they say

I was fine with dogs until the age of 3, when a couple of fairly minor incidents with dogs close together developed into a fear. 30 years later and I'm petrified - to a degree, it does ruin aspects my life, I dread taking my DS out for a walk or to the park. I won't go to the beach, because even when they say 'dog free' they never are. I make my DH carry everything in airports in case there are sniffer dogs (I'm more scared of being sniffed/touched than of one jumping up/biting)

I wanted to do a different career but it would have involved visiting people's homes and I was too scared they would have a dog.

I feel like I'm constantly on alert for dogs and sometimes genuinely dream of the feeling of lying on my deathbed and knowing I won't ever have to encounter another dog (I do have a tendency to be a bit morbid!)

But I am getting better, I do function in society and regularly put my big girl pants on and go to the park.

What I struggle with, and what I'm thankful to this thread for helping with, is teaching my DS to be wary of dogs (e.g. I'd never let him touch/stroke a dog without the owner's permission) without turning that into a fear. Ironically, my Mum is wary of dogs although not scared, and I think that contributed to my fear after the minor scares I had as a child.

So many kids seem to be scared of dogs these days Christ knows why Yes the owners are wrong to let their dogs run up to small children but I really think parents would be much better off helping their kids get over the fear they have than thinking all dogs should act like robots it's just not realistic

how about not expecting other people to love YOUR mutt like you do? Dogs are big (compared to a child) have sharp teeth and imho should be muzzled & on leads when out in public, 1000's of people are hospitalised by dog bites, many with very serious injuries, this expense is rarely recovered from the owner, meaning the tax payer picks up the bill, the NHS should nt be expected to carry the tab for this.
Need a robust licencing system to reduce their numbers and encourage responsible ownership.

i worry that jasjas statement is an example why kids are afraid , which unfortunately damages more lives with their phobias than the number of rare dog attacks will

Dogs Trust have tips and advice and - best of all - will actually do workshops with your child if they're scared of dogs
www.dogstrust.org.uk/news-events/news/is-your-child-frightened-of-dogs-dogs-trust-is-here-to-help
www.learnwithdogstrust.org.uk/be-dog-smart

Agree with what other posters have suggested with the stand still, arms crossed stance is good for disengaging a dog that comes close. Also being around a small friendly dog that you know/belongs to close friends of the child can help build his confidence, but it will take a long time & lots of encouragement.

I have a medium sized dog who just loves meeting new people. Most people embrace him and actually interact with him to come over, BUT! I make sure though he is always in close eye range so that if I can see anyone - adults or kids - who look nervous of him being off lead I can get him back and walk past calmly. On a number of occasions this has been so welcomed that I have had the parents ask if the child can say hello to help show them that he is a 'nice friendly dog'. Then I let him trot off again happy as Larry.

I know it is 100% the responsibility of the owner to control the dog, but as you can't rely on this in every occasion and dogs can react to squeals or shouts, I think it is good to help your son to be able to pass dogs with a bit of confidence.

Good luck OP

Dh was scared of dogs and I'm sure that dd picked up on his discomfort - getting a dog has changed him too and it's such a lovely relationship they have.

Dogs with shit dickhead owners knock children over. Other dogs don’t.

i worry that jasjas statement is an example why kids are afraid which unfortunately damages more lives with their phobias than the number of rare dog attacks will

8000 hospital admissions, 1100 of them kids under 10, is not "rare dog attacks"
Inc 13 totally unnecessary deaths over the last decade, last time i looked you didnt die from a phobia about dogs.

If owners kept their dogs under control, then kids would nt have (well founded) fears about dogs

do the stats again from those 1100 kids with dogs that weren't in their own home and were from random dogs when out and about.
way greater chance of being assaulted by a person .. but we don't teach them to be fearful of every human.

also thats in the last decade? probably a similar number of people killed from fruit dropping from trees or equally as ridiculous. this is why ppl say its hysterical parents..

What number of people killed, bitten or wounded by dogs is acceptable to you then?

Because ‘none’ would be my answer. 800 hospital admissions a year seems a spot too many for me. It is that just fine because precious ickle wickle doggy is treated like a human being rather than being trained and controlled appropriately?

so in 2016 there were 8 child deaths on bikes. do you stop your kids riding bikes too?

how about wearing shoes... let's find a stat about that then we can all panic too.

Againfaster- you are doing dog owners no favors.

I love dogs but my DC3 was terrified of them (my DSis got a cocker spaniel puppy when DC3 was a toddler, who then jumped up at everyone as he was learning how to behave....a dog jumping at my eye level might have scared me too)

For us it was a long process, I spoke to every dog walker we passed, asked if I could stroke the dog, explained that DC3 was scared (but her shouting "Don't let it eat me!" may have already given it away) As we saw the same dog walkers frequently, very gradually she started asking if she could touch the more placid older dogs and it went on from there. It was a really long process but now 6 years later, I am still talking to dog walkers, now she just rolls her eyes and tells me to hurry up and we are talking about getting a dog of our own.

The cocker spaniel who started the fear is now a much loved member of the wider family.

Children can grow out of phobias. My DDs both used to be afraid of dogs, but they're fine with them now. Spending time with their friends' Labrador made all the difference and they now love to pet friendly dogs.

I found that it helped when I went to pet the dog. It also helped when they weren't completely separated from the dog. The friends' mum, who's also my friend, had been keeping the dog away from them in the kitchen, but it actually improved once they went into the garden with the dog. They were afraid at first, but when I just acted calmly about it and patted the dog, they soon started to follow my lead.

I own two rescue dogs myself. They are absolute people lovers but I keep them on their leads on walks because I understand that not everyone thinks they are as loveable and important as they clearly do. We have a large garden and they get to run off lead there. Dogs running loose, even if they don't bite, can knock a young child over and injure them.

I live near a beach and now check to see how many dogs are running free before I go there now. Lots of people drive down in cars, let their dogs out to shit everywhere even when they can see young children playing, and drive off. Some don't even get out of their cars.

A few months back, one went for my dogs and when I asked the owner to put it on a lead I got the usual "he's only playing" - yes with my dog's head in his mouth. I was then told not to tell them what to do. So selfish and entitled. How dare someone tell you that your child should not be out walking enjoying the countryside. She's at fault the idiotic, selfish mare. Sadly you can't argue with stupid.

People need to keep their dogs under control. I don't want a dog running up to me and have the owner say it's being friendly.

I had a father and child come up to me when I was walking my dog, my dog is very erratic around new people, so I took it upon myself to move away. The father said that it was okay to let the dog go and his toddler could stroke it. I politely declined, as my dog was too excited and could have knocked the child over, etc. I understood what the father was doing, trying to teach his child about dogs etc., but my dog is my responsibility and I wouldn't want to risk anyone being hurt by her.

If you have the responsibility of a dog, you need to make sure that it is under control and does not cause fear and harm to anyone, child, or adult. The dog owners that just let their dogs roam, no matter how much you think that they are only playing/being friendly, are wrong!

I make them ride safely and wear helmets.

I don’t let them ride on the motorway and then shout at car drivers.

Dogs are ALL potentially dangerous. Danger depends on breed/socialisation/training/health. NONE of which a child can be responsible for assessing.

800 hospitalisations a year - but no problem right? Your dogs are just friendly. Funnily enough the same crap gets trotted out when some poor kid gets mauled in the home or park.
People who work with dogs are aware that they can be wonderful but they are animals and need to be treated and trained as such. I’ve worked with packs of cattle dogs on livestock farms and they were impeccable behaved. Also kept outdoors, run tens of KM a day and trained properly.

There are far too many dogs owned by people who do not train, keep or excercise them enough. Or who think their precious pets desire to knock over a toddler or shit everywhere trumps actual human beings’ rights to safely enjoy the outdoors.

Chipping, training, licensing and dog wardens. Massive fines for backyard breeders, and ability to seize and destroy any dog endangering the public.

@shortcutcity

You are very responsible unlike some other dog owners.

They think everyone must like their dogs. I'm not fearful of dogs, but I don't like them coming up to me and jumping about.