WWYD? Dogs and fearful child

[teaandtwigs]

My DS (5) is incredibly fearful of dogs. He was rushed at by big dogs as a toddler and has struggled since. If they are on a lead, he comes round to the opposite side of me to get past them, that's fine. Our issue is with unleashed dogs that we meet out on walks (we have footpaths near our house/often walk round woods locally/at NT properties). They will very often be running/having a grand old time (as they are obviously allowed to do!) but he will literally climb up me to get away from them/become loudly distressed if they approach/jump round our feet, which makes them all the more excited and jump more.

Unfortunately at this point, the owners always seem to be miles back, the dogs won't recall or the owners will shout, 'don't worry, they are friendly' and make no attempt to get the dog/s away. I can see they are friendly but that doesn't stop my DS from trying to sit on my head!

I'm just not sure what to do at this point - when I asked one lady to please take a hold of her dog she told me that her dog had every right to be there, and we'd have to stay home if ds was going to 'act like that'.

I know we have to work on helping ds through his fear but it's baby steps and it feels like we take a step back every time we go out!

Any advice - on how to deal with loose dogs and conquering his fear - would be appreciated!

Many kids with asd love dogs my dd is one of them and she has had the exact same upbringing as my ds who is terrified. I think for some children with asd it is the unpredictability of animals that leads to the fear ie dogs running around off lead. Funnily enough ds is fine with cats who move slowly and keep themselves to themselves.

I've worked hard on "stand and wait". My dog was off lead and a runner came past. The runner gave her a wide berth but my girl did stand and wait. So proud of her. Runner was most grateful.
Many dogs will chase a moving target. If this happens it is best to stand stock still. Fold arms over your chest and don't even look at the dog. Hopefully the owner will manage to come and grab their dog. And be more responsible in future.

Kicking dogs (or any animal) is a really stupid thing to do.

Most NT properties have areas Where dogs can be walks off the lead and areas where they aren’t allowed or must be on leads such as gardens et cetera. Might you be better in there on lead or no Dogs areas?

Exactly that’s why no dogs should be off lead in s public space in my opinion. Too big a risk and too many daft owners around

Dont be physically violent to people's dogs then!
If you kick or harm individuals unprovoked who meant no harm to you don't be surprised if you face repercussions..

Dogs aren't a risk. Irresponsible owners with untrained dogs are the risk. Don't penalise everyone for the sake of the few idiots.

@Wolfiefan Amen.

Yes, for ds2 it is the unpredictability that is the problem. Add in the fact that he is very noise and touch sensitive and you can start to see the problem. Plus dogs have jumped up at him and even licked his face in the past so, yes, he is very wary. We have practised body language, keeping still and he has made progress. The thing is dog owners might know their dog but ds2 does not so how is he meant to know whether the dog is one of the well behaved, sorts or one that is going to jump up at him.

It’s not leads or lack of leads that’s the issue. It’s owners and training. As I said before the dogs that I had “issues” with on my run yesterday were the ones on leads but with daft owners. The ones off leads knew how to behave

and if you're in his way - tough - you might be knocked over as he tries to get away in his panic. Horses are prey animals and see threats where you (a non-horsey person) wouldn't see a threat.

I’ve owned horses, as I said in my post. I’m aware of how they react and I always give them a wide berth and approach slowly if In confined spaces being aware of their field of vision and the blind spots in it. If I was on a confined path for example and approaching I’d probably stop, make appropriate noise until the rider was aware and then walk past calmly then pick up the run again once a few tens of m past the rider. Basic courtesy in confined lanes. If I encounter them on roads and they look twitchy or they are not on a separated path I’ve been known to just pull over and stop. Last thing I want is some horse bolting. At a minimum slow to a crawl and widest berth possible. Some people behave like utter shots around horses - I’ve seen drivers buzz riders - disgraceful

I’ve never ‘come belting past with my arms waving about’ (I’m running, not attempting semaphore.)

I do think ALL dogs should be trained as part of licensing. There are too many who are at minimum a nuisance and at worst an active danger. There should be much higher penalties for illegal beeeding. You should t be able to just walk into a shop and buy a dog - it’s a big responsibility to own, train and excercise them to the degree they are safe and well cared for.

Stop running, stand still, be really boring and it would leave or owner can come get it. If you run you're just fun to chase. (my dog at least would respond to all that)

My DD is the same. When she was about two a Jack Russell ran over to her in a park and I was there to grab her but it stayed with her and she was terrified of dogs from there on out. Thankfully in time it has naturally improved. At one stage she would literally almost leap in the road to avoid an oncoming dog .

It’s interesting someone mentioned getting a cat as her fear definitely lifted once we got our kitten.

Could you maybe try and get in touch with a therapy dog? When my DS has been in A&E we have seen a number of different therapy dogs (I'm sure they do the wards as well). They are incredibly calm and well behaved. I'm sure there will be people in your local area that you can get in touch with.

I was terrified of dogs when I was small. I grew out of it and am now the complete opposite way. I absolutely adore them (and have a Labrador). I'd have a house full if I had the time (and the space!).

I am scared of dogs since one bit my sister through the cheek - she still has scars.
I tried not to pass on my fears to my children, but 3 of my kids, when they were toddlers, were bowled over like skittles by "friendly" dogs charging up to them and barking. They were petrified and still are. All due to the owners irresponsibility.

FOG OWNERS DO NOT LET YOUR DOGS CHARGE UP TO PEOPLE. If they do this they should be on a lead.

80% of the time we encounter an unleashed dog, they rush her barking and growling

Comments like this suggest to me that people are having very different experiences in different places, which is why debates like this never seem to reach a consensus.

I am absolutely not doubting the pp's experience but as a contrast, I would say I encounter several off lead dogs a day and maybe only 5-10% have ever even approached me. I have never, ever been growled at by a strange off lead dog.

This makes it seem, to me, like that are areas of the country where shit dog owners congregate and for those of us who don't live there it can seem like people are over reacting or hysterical. Similarly, there are areas where good owners seem to be.

I see this with driving too - there are towns where the driving standards are atrocious and I think it is down to a trend where people see bad driving and think it is ok/the done thing so repeat the same behaviours. I could imagine if people get a dog in areas where everyone allows their existing dogs to behave badly that they could end up thinking it is 'ok' for their dog to behave the same way. Thus the pattern is enforced.

I love dogs but if 80% of the ones I met were growling, I'd start getting pissed off too...

They should bring back licensing and make training, insurance etc compulsory. Far too many unsuitable owners and out of control, poorly owned dogs.

Pointless, I think. Horses are meant to be passported, so the law abiding owners passport etc but there will always be those who won’t and who dump their horses anywhere they fancy. Same as puppy farmers who don’t license or the types who choose their breed based on what how ‘hard’ it looks.

As a child I had a true phobia of dogs. I was very scared of them and I must say it was quite a problem for me, dogs are everywhere . Every walk or trip was spoiled by just the thought of dogs being there.
I've overcome my phobia and I actually love dogs now! I have my own dog and I love meeting up with people and their dogs when out walking.
I read once that its easier to turn a strong emotion into another strong emotion. That's why I think you have to learn to love dogs if you fear them. Once you start to learn about dogs and get to know some dogs this is easy to do, dogs are fascinating and very lovable.
If your son is very scared I recommend starting by just learning about dogs and watching TV shows about them. Moving on gradually to meeting very gentle dogs. I think it might be good to avoid walking in places where there might be dogs off lead until he gets over his fears a bit, if possible.

Dogs are valuable members of our society (more than 1 in 4 of us owns a pet dog), not to mention police, therapy, search and rescue, companion, and other working dogs…

So yes, people have an obligation to learn how to deal with them properly, and that includes keeping YOUR CHILD under control in areas where dogs are allowed, and not causing the dog to become agitated by hysterics, screaming or any other such unreasonable behaviour.

As for the person who has taught their child to be afraid of dogs—surely instilling an unreasonable fear in a child is a form of abuse?

We were sat in a park have by a picnic on a rug and hen a dog came and ran onto our rug and took a cake from my child's lap. The dog was much bigger than them and they were sat down. My children were, understandably, screaming (they were already terrified of dogs due to being knocked over by them) the dog owner just shrugged and said, "They see all food on the floor as theirs."

I am scared of dogs, my kids are scared of dogs. This fear is all down to dogs and their owners letting the dogs run up to us.

All the people on here saying parents should train their kids not to be scared of dogs makes me cross. How about dog owners sort out their dogs behaviour - stop them charging up to people or keep them on leads.

Chrys2017 have you any ideas how to teach a 17 year old non verbal noise sensitive and severely autistic person how to behave around dogs?

Daffodils as annoying as it is to have a dog ruin your picnic it wasn't actually a dangerous situation. It isn't good for kids to be scared of dogs as I mentioned in my post, it will make life very hard for them. Of course you should be annoyed with the inconsiderate owners. But teach kids to like dogs but respect them. We don't teach kids to be scared of cars even though they are much more dangerous than dogs if driven irresponsibly.

DD was the same - it was really hard doing the school run even - as we encountered off lead friendly dogs every morning.
The process of conquering her fear was a long one and it started when she was 5 with finding a really calm old dog who could barely breathe and a very patient teenager, they sat and stroked this dog for about an hour, dd could then see that some dogs were nice. We continued to find calm dogs, some very patient dog owners who helped dd along the way and sometimes in friend's houses she was happy with the dog joining them.....the final removal of all fear came when we got our own dog....it really helped her deal with all dogs.
So I'm really aware of my dog's impact on kids - he was taught not to approach children. If I see a kid looking worried my dog goes on a lead, I often ask if the child would like to stroke him as he's really calm and gentle...
One day a kid in the park on a scooter continued to scoot past my dog several times - my dog ignored him, suddenly the mum looked up from her phone and started screaming at me to get my dog under control - had she been observing her kid rather than having her nose stuck in her phone she'd have realised that her kid was absolutely fine, the dog was absolutely fine and her reaction was fear inducing and completely OTT. Of course I called my dog back immediately.

@cansu Get him a dog?
www.dogsforgood.org/how-we-help/assistance-dog/autism-assistance-dogs-children/

not causing the dog to become agitated by hysterics, screaming or any other such unreasonable behaviour.

Not unreasonable behaviour when a child has a severe phobia, or has additional needs. We've done a lot with DD about working on keeping her breathing steady and not flapping or screaming but it's not easy. And it's not something that I as a parent can control or stop by clicking my fingers. Dog owners on the other hand can very easily control their pet by clipping a lead on. And if they can't control it, they have a problem.

Speaking as the parent of a dog-phobic child, the size of the dog isn't an issue. DD is improving, but she was as scared of a Newfoundland as she was of a Chihuahua. The size is not a factor in her fear. The key to finding a dog suitable to help a child over the fear is the temperament - you need a dog which is totally bomb proof, won't ever bark when meeting new people, won't ever, ever jump up or growl. For most children who are afraid of dogs it's not about getting bitten. It's about the out of control animal dashing around, jumping on you and you not being able to stop it getting into your personal space.

Then the "helpful" owner tells you or your child to stop being so pathetic, grow up and that he's only being friendly.