I fat shamed my colleague

[Notmyname2018]

I fat shamed a colleague and I feel bad about it.

She was loudly talking over lunch last week about how she loves being curvy and would much rather be curvey than skinny. I said that I liked being curvy too - she then laughed at me and said you aren’t curvy you’re a ‘skinny thing’. I replied and said I am curvy, I’m a healthy weight, that doesn’t mean I’m not curvy. Curves are about boobs and bum being shapely with a small waist. She then finished her lunch and walked out the lunch room.

To put it in context I’m a size 10, and I work hard in the gym for my curves. She’s a size 18/20 and is constantly eating at her desk, I’d say on average she eats something every 5 minutes (it’s really irritating I admit).

I feel bad because I have upset her but it was a moment of annoyance because she called me a ‘skinny thing’ (in a horrible tone).

Should I apologise or just leave it and try not to engage in this sort of discussion again?

Ps I’ve namechanged.

You just gave back what she gave you! Fuck her.

I would just leave it. You feel you are curvy, she feels she is curvy, but you are different sizes. Doesn't mean you can't both be curvy.
I wouldn't describe what you said as fat shaming though

Well I wasn’t upset by what she said to me ( just irritated) but I know by her face I upset her. I’ll see how she is tomorrow

I agree with you. I think the word curvy is often used incorrectly. Curvy means exactly as you described, at a size 18/20 she is overweight, in fact likely obese. She may still have the traditional feminine curves to be fair but to call you a skinny thing is unfair

I can't imagine why her eating often would irritate you?

IIn my head I was thinking ‘you’re fat, you’re not curvy’, I think that came across to her in a passive aggressive way iyswim

It would be a fake apology so don't do it. Her weight and appetite disgusts you obviously. Best to keep your opinions to yourself in future.

I think you were pretty awful. You said curvy is only being in shape and having a small waist implying the other lady's just fat so yes you did fat shame her

BreacaBoudica I share a desk with her and every 5 minutes she opens her drawer and starts crunching. It’s really irritating.

Curvy is a euphemism usually used by very overweight people to make them feel better about themselves. It fools no one. Not even them.

Allthewaves Yes I know, I agree

You both sound as bad as each other. Just leave it.

Nah, she did it first and you did nothing wrong, you simply stated a fact.

I'd say though she doesn't love being "curvy" and has some issues, hence why she was upset. I'd just leave it now. Her issues aren't your fault and it's not your responsibility to make her feel better about her weight.

RoseWhiteTips Thiswas what was going through my head when she called me a skinny thing...

To be honest her sitting there saying how she would rather be curvy than skinny sounds like she was trying to put you down. I think you were both as bad as each other.

Yes and she thin shamed ypu. If she can't take it. She should think twice about giving it.

Leave it, you didn't say anything wrong imo, she was out of order to laugh at you and call you a 'skinny thing'.

Working with someone who eats constantly can definitely be annoying, especially if it involves crunching or rustling.

Bluntness100 Thanks, I think I will just leave it and make sure I don’t respond if she talks to me about body stuff again 😊

She shouldn't have spoken to you like she did, you shouldn't have said anything in return. I'd just leave It, if she says something first then obviously you will have to tackle it but otherwise just carry on as normal.

You obviously don’t like her & tbh it sounds like you took an opportunity to take her down a peg. Did you say the bit about boobs & bum & small waist to her? Also, are you REALLY offended about being called a ‘skinny thing’? Hardly an insult in our society.

OP I am wondering if I know you... Does your colleague take apples into meetings?!