I fat shamed my colleague

[Notmyname2018]

I fat shamed a colleague and I feel bad about it.

She was loudly talking over lunch last week about how she loves being curvy and would much rather be curvey than skinny. I said that I liked being curvy too - she then laughed at me and said you aren’t curvy you’re a ‘skinny thing’. I replied and said I am curvy, I’m a healthy weight, that doesn’t mean I’m not curvy. Curves are about boobs and bum being shapely with a small waist. She then finished her lunch and walked out the lunch room.

To put it in context I’m a size 10, and I work hard in the gym for my curves. She’s a size 18/20 and is constantly eating at her desk, I’d say on average she eats something every 5 minutes (it’s really irritating I admit).

I feel bad because I have upset her but it was a moment of annoyance because she called me a ‘skinny thing’ (in a horrible tone).

Should I apologise or just leave it and try not to engage in this sort of discussion again?

Ps I’ve namechanged.

Would I make her feel worse if I apologised though? I don’t want to draw anymore attention to it.

Honestly - if it DID upset her, however genuine and well meant, giving her chocolates might make it worse... I know it would have done for me!

Her fault for going on about her body shape unnessesary & she was rude to call you skinny, nobody apart from her started discussing body shape

And crunching all bloody day is my pet hate in an office too, makes me very irritable, I tend to put headphones in now when people in my office do it

You could quietly suggest to HR that a 'no eating or drinking at desks (except water)' policy is introduced. It is not that uncommon.

Aw I feel a bit sorry for her. I reckon the whole “I love being curvy” speech might have been a ruse... maybe I’m massively projecting there though.

You obviously can be a size 10 and curvy, but I think some people use the word “curvy” as short hand for overweight too. In which case you would probably not qualify.

I have a policy of NEVER commenting on anyone’s size ever, as I hate it myself. But, I also agree with pps that “skinny” isn’t always an insult in our society. Obviously if it offended or upset you, I can’t tell you how you feel and I’d never call anyone a “skinny thing”, but I do think there are some people who think it’s a compliment whereas fat never is. I remember being called a “skinny wee shite”. I kid you not, this was meant to be a compliment .

She eats crisps constantly and sits near you? They stink. Ugh

Mellodrama thank you. I suppose she was trying to skinny shame me but it just irritated me more than anything

Notmyname - then for both your sakes apologise..she isn't going to forget you said it, and you aren't going to forget either.It will always be the elephant between you, and since you have to work together that could be damaging in the long run. She might or might not accept, but you can hold your head up knowing you tried. I don't say this with nastiness towards you. The conversation on various threads about the abuse thinner people than I get HAS made me think. She should not have made you feel bad either.

I’m blunt with it now. When I get “Omg you’re so small and skinny!” I reply with “Omg, you’re so big an fat!”

Maybe this is just because I have issues but that, to me, is the equivalent of someone saying “OMG you’re so pretty!” and you replying “OMG you’re so ugly”.

You can’t possibly think calling someone small is the same as calling them large.

She thin shamed you tbf.

I’m a 14/16 at the moment. I’m not curvy, I’m just a bit fat tbh. When I was a size 10 I felt much curvier because you could see the curves!

I wouldn’t apologise x

I think you can call it even stevens

Sarsparella Thanks I think i’ll Use headphones!

I think you both sound quite eye-rolly, tbh.

Why would you insert yourself into that sort of conversation?

I don't understand this thread. You start off saying you feel guilty but the rest of the comments are about not liking her. Do you actually even feel guilty or are you looking for validation that your comment was ok?

I share an office with someone who is always eating even when she 'is on a diet'. I just ignore it and joke about it if I'm really pushed!

I don’t think you should apologise - unless she did too, you could always say you’d like a word with her & say you’re sorry if she was upset by your comments but you were offended by what she said too and suggest you both just move on from it

The thing is OP you are still fat shaming her on this thread ? You sound right out of order to be honest - 'skinny thing' is nothing to all the judgyness and shaming you have spat out on this thread.

Just forget it move on and move desks

Yeah if she was snarky about you being “skinny” rest assured that she does not love being “curvy” at all

RoseWhiteTips She keeps the crisps in her drawer then opens it literally every 5 minutes to eat a few - it’s weird. Perhaps she doesn’t want to keep them in the desk in case they smell though.

There’s a big difference in our society between being called ‘skinny’ and having your ‘unhealthy weight’ pointed out (what you did to her when you emphasised your own ‘healthy weight’). Thinness is valued and fatness is not. She was rude but what you said was worse because of that. I also wonder if her eating annoys you because you’re judging her and thinking she shouldn’t be eating so much at her size as much as because she is ‘crunching’.

In this case though I don’t think you should apologise because if i was her that would make me feel even worse. Just try to move on and keep your eyes on your own plate and just ignore her eating. I expect you have irritating habits too, as do we all.

She probably called you skinny as a jealous/complimentary comment.

If she was viewing curvy as overweight she may have taken you saying curvy as you calling yourself fat and been meaning you aren't fat.

I'd personally leave it now, but make an effort to be friendly with her to show you didn't mean anything by it.

Everyone here acting like her calling her a “skinny thing” is a compliment needs to take their own advice and “walk a mile in someone else’s shoes”

I once had and a manager come up to me when I was 16 working in a shop and tell me he wouldn’t sleep with me because I was straight up and down not curvy like a “real woman”... I hadn’t asked him, he was over ten years my senior and it was on the shop floor. He always had dribble coming out the corners of his mouth and drying up there... I think he was vile.
People who comment on anybody’s body shape is wrong. You don’t know why someone is skinny, they could have an eating disorder and the same vice versa. Nobody wants to hear about your body shape either unless you need to talk to someone about feeling bad about it and improving the way you see yourself.
That should be left for professionals.
This woman shouldn’t have said “skinny thing” or talked about it whatsoever. She made an innapropriate comment and it backfired on her. Hopefully she won’t ever do it again but I doubt she’ll have learnt her lesson.

Weebo She was talking to me on the lunchroom

You were speaking factually. She was speaking nonsense.

Curvy is going out in out in, as in boobs, small waist, bum. Curvy is not out and round all over. I hate when fat people say healthy people have no shape or refer to anyone under a size 12 and straight up and down.

Calling someone a “skinny thing” is bang out of order.

Is it ok to call her a “fat thing”?

Just for context - I am a size 8 and eat all the fucking time. Constantly. I always get in trouble at work for eating but I am always hungry. I guess I am a “fat thing” too.