I fat shamed my colleague

[Notmyname2018]

I fat shamed a colleague and I feel bad about it.

She was loudly talking over lunch last week about how she loves being curvy and would much rather be curvey than skinny. I said that I liked being curvy too - she then laughed at me and said you aren’t curvy you’re a ‘skinny thing’. I replied and said I am curvy, I’m a healthy weight, that doesn’t mean I’m not curvy. Curves are about boobs and bum being shapely with a small waist. She then finished her lunch and walked out the lunch room.

To put it in context I’m a size 10, and I work hard in the gym for my curves. She’s a size 18/20 and is constantly eating at her desk, I’d say on average she eats something every 5 minutes (it’s really irritating I admit).

I feel bad because I have upset her but it was a moment of annoyance because she called me a ‘skinny thing’ (in a horrible tone).

Should I apologise or just leave it and try not to engage in this sort of discussion again?

Ps I’ve namechanged.

Also she spoke negatively about your size when all you did was correct the definition of curvy. So fuck her.

After struggling with my weight pretty much all my adult life I would love this be called a skinny thing, but you didn’t and that’s ok. It’s ok to say you don’t like being called that.

It’s not ok to deliberately try and make someone feel shit or knock them down. Do you feel you did either of those things? If not then don’t worry about it but if you feel you did wouldn’t it be nice to apologise?

Possibly going against the grain here OP but you come across as a bit ‘look at me I’m skinny and this horrible fat woman was mean to me by calling me skinny and now I’m ‘worried’ I’ve upset her’ you’ve had the answers you want and your replies suggest you are dragging the conversation out to reinforce your belief that you are better than the woman you shamed. Why else would you mention her eating every five minutes?
‘Skinny shaming’ is NOT as bad as fat shaming - skinny can be used as a compliment and has positive connotations whereas fat can be used as an insult with negative connotations.
It’s the same as being sexist to men, racist to white people etc, not the same if it’s done to a majority group or a group of people seen as having desirable traits (ie thinness)
If this thread is serious and you actually feel bad rather than wanting reinforcement, I would apologise to her tomorrow.
Her eating at her desk isn’t relevant. Girl in my office used to be a size six and stink the kitchen out eating her broccoli lunch every mealtime. Crisps are a relatively inoffensive snack.

You both sound very nasty and immature to be honest.

You are paid to do your jobs so do them.

So glad I never had to work in an office if it’s like this.

Grow up

I don’t however think we should be kidding ourselves that “skinny shaming” is the same as fat shaming.

SarahSiddons I think you’re right I do judge her constant eating. It isn’t healthy but I would never tell her that.

I wouldn't say a size 10 is curvy, it just isn't. A size 18/20 is normally obese.

I know this, because I am a 18/20. I'm fat, I don't kid myself and use curvy or voluptuous, I'm fat.

Curvy to me is the hourglass figure of someone perhaps a 14/16.

But that's just my take on it, doesn't mean I'm right (or wrong).

I don’t like the way you talk about the woman in your OP.

Inappropriate of her to be talking about bodysize at work, and she was rude to you. you counter attacked, whatever, but why the need to comment on her eating etc?

Also, you are not overweight and a “curvy” size that is deemed the ideal in our culture. She isn’t. she is likely to have negative assumptions made about her at work. You could be kinder.

Mydoghatesthebath I agree it wasn’t my finest moment!

Do you think I should say sorry or just leave it?

I would apologise only if she brings it up. If you want to. (I wouldn’t)

You have been a complete bitch.
Why would you have not just smiled and let it go over you.
You are happy with your weight and how you look so why on earth comment.

Fuck me, you're sorry you fat shamed her, yet all you've gone on about on this thread is how much she eats and how much it annoys you. You're not particularly coming across as sorry. She probably shouldn't have said what she did, and you probably shouldn't have said what you did. Move on and stop discussing her on this thread, it's pretty obvious you don't like her.

I share a desk with her and every 5 minutes she opens her drawer and starts crunching. It’s really irritating

How does she get any bloody work done?

I'm fat not curvy. There are skinny,average weight,overweight people that are curvy. There are also skinny,average weight,overweight people that aren't.

If she thinks she can decide what curvy is then so can you. It's that simple.

And if she wants to equate fat with curvy because it sounds nicer then that's her problem. Tbh I hate the whole plump,chubby,curvy and what not euphemism.

You can’t possibly think calling someone small is the same as calling them large.

Err, yes it is. Small is the opposite of large.

If 'small' is substituted for the word 'skinny', which the lady in the OP used - it IS the same. It's rude and meant to offend, as would the use of the word 'fat'.

To, ''You aren't curvy, you're a skinny thing'', I would have replied, ''You aren't curvy, you're a fat thing.'' Even.

I'd be delighted if someone called me a skinny thing but anyway you said it to be mean whether what you said was "factual" or not, it was nasty, you've pretty much stated that you're not body conscious so were you really offended by what she said?

So by your logic, it's possible to be slim and 'curvy' and how dare anyone suggest otherwise, but if anyone you deem overweight says they are 'curvy' you decide they absolutely aren't, they're just fat?

I'm fat. I'm also curvy. I'm also not a judgemental bitch about what and how often people eat. I'm glad the people I work with are nicer than you.

I wouldn't bother apologising because you don't mean it, and she will know you are patronising her. Do her an almighty favour and just don't talk to her again.

I think you sound smug and horrible.

@Welshmaenad that's because the fat,sorry curvy person, tried to impose her view first of who can and cannot be curvy,

...but the eating every 5 mins shouldn't be THAT irritating unless it's loud, smelly and making the place filthy.

Tomorrow, just leave it, OP. She must feel as bad about calling you skinny as you feel about what you said.

mancmummy1414 ok point taken

Thank you for all your replies everyone. It wasn’t my finest moment and I do feel bad.

I will she what she’s like tomorrow then apologise if it’s appropriate.

She’s a beautiful, intelligent girl and I don’t think I’m better than her at all. We spend so much time together we are bound to irritate each other at some point.

Again thank you for all your replies. I’ll leave this thread now.

Also please don't pull the health angle. People who fat shame in the name of 'concern about your health' are the worst kind of smug disingenuous bastards. You don't give a shit about the health of someone you barely know, you're just trying for a PC outlet for your disgust at their body. It fools nobody.

I think there is some sensitivity on this thread which is driving some of the responses. It's not fat shaming for her to say she is also curvy and explain why she thinks that, not even slightly. Telling her she can't explain it to a fat person in case it insinuates they are fat is beyond bonkers.

If the conversation had been

You're not curvy, you're a skinny thing
Well you're not curvy either your a fat thing,

I'd maybe understand but would still think it's tit for tat.

But

You're not curvy you're a skinny thing
Yes I am, curvy to me means boobs and bum and a slim waist.

Is in no way being a bitch or fat shaming this woman.

She may be overweight and disgusting to you but you are nasty and judgmental. Perhaps if you had a snack you wouldn’t be so bitchy.

@maddiemookins16mum a size 10 can definitely be curvy,depending on their shape,boob size etc.

My friend has 32f boobs,small waist and a bigish(in proportion) bum/thighs. She's a size 10 and looks awesome!