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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To give guests two years notice for a wedding abroad?

171 replies

Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 18:11

Just that really me and dp have spoken for a long time about getting married we both want to go abroad although I would happily go with Just the dcs he would like his mum there which means my dad would have to come and then his dad his wife, siblings and then the list goes on (very big family) We have decided on Vegas which I know isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but then they don’t have to come. For a destination wedding would you say two years is plenty notice to afford it should they want to? TIA

OP posts:

KellyBailey · 08/04/2018 18:14

As long as you're not going to get stroppy and bridezilla-ish if people still don't choose to come even with the notice. If I was saving up for a big holiday it would be for somewhere I actually wanted to go, not necessarily your wedding destination.

WheresTheHooferDoofer · 08/04/2018 18:16

I agree the issue is "should they want to". I probably wouldn't accept an invite for somewhere I wouldn't go to if the wedding wasn't happening.

Original poster

Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 18:17

Oh no I absolutely don’t mind anyone not coming but for family who would want to I’m hoping that’s enough time. They do a live stream of the wedding for people back home to watch too.

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Helpmeplan · 08/04/2018 18:17

As above. Hence why we are getting wed in UK and having a shit hot honeymoon after24years

sirfredfredgeorge · 08/04/2018 18:17

It's much too long, as people who could save up for it, might feel they have to, even if they don't really want to.

As you've obviously been together a fair old time, and people know, you can let them know that it might happen at some point in the next few years, and then just give them a years notice to remove that pressure.

StoorieHoose · 08/04/2018 18:17

You could give 5 years notice but you can’t assume that everyone will want to come. My idea of hell is a destination wedding of a relative

Dermymc · 08/04/2018 18:19

Just get married here and do a kick ass honeymoon. Or go and do it and come back and tell people. 2 years feels long enough to "force" people to save who don't really want to.

Merryoldgoat · 08/04/2018 18:19

As Kelly said.

As long as you accept people may not want to go.

Even with 2 years’ notice I would decline owing to expense and logistics and destination.

If that ok then of course YANBU - it’s your wedding. Personally, if I were in your position I’d have very small Vegas wedding and a party when you got back but that’s me - I couldn’t bear the headache of organising people to get abroad - people can be utterly painful to travel with!

peanutbutter310 · 08/04/2018 18:19

It isn't uncommon to plan holidays a year ahead of time, so two years is a good amount of time to avoid too many clashes with existing plans. If they want to come, of course.

MargaretCavendish · 08/04/2018 18:20

As pp said, so long as you accept that some people won't want to save up for spend their money on it, even with two years' notice. I knew someone who got married in Vegas and got very put out that people didn't come; 'they would only have had to save £10 a week!'.

If you're set on the venue then fair enough, but if not I'd really recommend at least reconsidering somewhere with budget (and much shorter) flights - it'll make a huge difference to how much you're asking from your guests.

Original poster

Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 18:20

A friend of mine got married recently and changed her venue to abroad with less then 12 months notice so a lot of people including myself couldn’t go but she got the wedding she really wanted. That’s made me think 2 years of notice.

OP posts:

YawnyDawny · 08/04/2018 18:20

Just make it clear to people although you would love them there there under no expectation whatsoever to be there.
(we got married 'abroad', although we live there so it wasn't abroad for us, but was for some guests)

Userplusnumbers · 08/04/2018 18:21

Are the DCs adults, as Vegas isn't exactly kid friendly. Otherwise, have at it, you'll have a blast!

YawnyDawny · 08/04/2018 18:21

*they're

CaseStudyResearch · 08/04/2018 18:24

With two years notice, I think you run the risk of people saying that they will & you planning a wedding around a certain number, but then having dropouts closer to the time.

We are getting married abroad & gave 12 months notice. We invited 90 thinking 60-70 would come, 65 initially said they would come so we planned a wedding around that number.

Since the invites went out, we have had 16 people drop out. I completely understand people change their minds and situations change, we just now have to reshuffle absolutely everything.

Original poster

Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 18:26

The only reason for not going away Just us is that dps family would want to come and would go anywhere we went I just want to give them enough time to save without it taking over their life. My dad has already said go abroad keep it simple don’t plan for me or anyone else although if he knew dos family were going he would feel obligated too (I am his only daughter and child)

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Orchidflower1 · 08/04/2018 18:27

Two years notice would make me feel obligated to be honest.

Original poster

Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 18:29

No dcs are only young but iv been told by other people who have been that their children had a great time there.

Yes the wedding would be live streamed so everyone back home could watch. We would probably have a meal or something when we returned too.

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BillyAndTheSillies · 08/04/2018 18:30

We sent our invites out to coincide with flights being released so that people could get the cheapest deal. I think we sent them 10 months before the date? We invited 70 people and 64 people came.

Vintagebeads · 08/04/2018 18:30

Destination weddings are lovely for the couple and maybe for the parents but in all honesty they are such an expense for everyone else no matter the notice ,the majority of people end up spending days with people they wouldn't choose to holiday with.
Bil got married abroad we felt we had to go dh only brother it cost us a fortune for somewhere we would have no interest in usually but as it was his only brother we went, our kids had to come out of school we had no holiday of our own that year or the year after due to the cost of it we are on very different incomes.
Yours is a long haul trip so be prepared that not everyone can do it.People often feel obligated when it's close family but having two years instead of one wouldn't make the difference.

coldcanary · 08/04/2018 18:30

Well I’d be very grateful for that much notice! The last overseas wedding I got invited to was a pricey one 6 months in advance that I declined on the spot owing to not being able to pull a couple of grand out of my arse, so being given 2 years to save up would be much more doable.

Original poster

Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 18:33

Dps parents and mine are very different his would love to see Vegas mine probably would rather not but I know he would for me.

My dad actually recently got married after nearly 20 years of being alone so I think it’s about time I did too

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Mybabystolemysanity · 08/04/2018 18:34

If it's really important to you that your folks are there, don't go abroad. Have a wedding here and do an epic honeymoon.

I got married at a venue we chose to make it easy for my folks and for various reasons they decided not to attend. Broke my heart and ruined the day for me.

NapQueen · 08/04/2018 18:35

You could informally mention to those you plan on inviting, "we are planning on Vegas for the wedding in 2020, just to give you the heads up in case you would like to join us. Obviously theres no commitment needed either way this far out but just so you know for when the invites come".

Then as a pp did above, invites to coincide with flights.

If a very close friend or family member of ours did this we probably wouldnt attend as weve not had an abroad holiday for 7 years and our small kids havent beed abroad at all due to funds. So any funds we had would go on a suitable family holiday which I dont think Vegas is. Possibly dh or I would attend alone, if it was a sibling or best friend, but we would do it the cheapest way possible.

Original poster

Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 18:35

I’m very appreciative of all the responses. Completely unbiased opinions are very helpful.

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