Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

To give guests two years notice for a wedding abroad?

171 replies

Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 18:11

Just that really me and dp have spoken for a long time about getting married we both want to go abroad although I would happily go with Just the dcs he would like his mum there which means my dad would have to come and then his dad his wife, siblings and then the list goes on (very big family) We have decided on Vegas which I know isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but then they don’t have to come. For a destination wedding would you say two years is plenty notice to afford it should they want to? TIA

OP posts:

hdh747 · 08/04/2018 20:32

that was meant to be dad not day sorry

Willow2017 · 08/04/2018 20:33

Meals, snacks and drinks are included on long haul flights

Not on all airlines. I had to pay for meals when booking flight and snacks and drinks were paid in flight.

iheartmichellemallon · 08/04/2018 20:40

I think it's the perfect amount of time to let people know & then they can decide if they want to go & allows time to save up for it if they do.

FWIW, I swore Vegas wouldn't be my kind of place but got railroaded into it by my then DP & ended up absolutely loving it! There's so much to do & see & it's very classy (or tacky) depending on what you're into! The Bellagio fountains are ace & definitely worth taking the time to make a trip to the Grand Canyon & Hoover dam.

mrsmainz · 08/04/2018 20:51

We married in Italy last September and gave 2 years notice.
Went with the attitude of inviting everyone we would want to come, but no issues at all if you couldn't.
Luckily (not for the bank balance) everyone came.
I thought 2 years was fair. We sent out an email invite to everyone first telling them of the plans so they knew (and saved sending official invites to those who couldn't) and asked them to respond with whether it was feasible or not, but not a definite yes or no.

Original poster

Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 20:54

Never thought of two abroad weddings but it’s a thought for sure.

Day to day I have to have my serious hat and mum face on so when I get to choose something it’s sparkly/pink/fluffy you name it. Usually it’s something subtle like pink nail varnish but in my weddings case it’s vegas again i know it’s some people’s idea of a nightmare but what a boring place we’d live in If everyone was the same?

As pp have said we can drop feelers out about our wedding plans and it not being something for everyone to attend and that there will be a dinner or similar back here for everyone.

OP posts:

Original poster

Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 20:55

Sending out a feeler email sounds like a plan too.

OP posts:

Dermymc · 08/04/2018 20:59

Why are you so obsessed with Vegas, go there on honeymoon and have a small UK wedding. You can get married again in Vegas if you're that bothered.

mrsmainz · 08/04/2018 20:59

You've got to think of it as their holiday as well as your wedding. Our guests were more than happy to tag a holiday onto our wedding (but it's only a 2 1/2 flight mind) and out of season the accommodation was cheap as chips. Some came for a long weekend, others had a week and also travelled to other parts of Italy.
PP's moaning about using precious annual leave and not knowing plans 2 years in advance, well, don't go then.
You will have a rough idea whether it's feasible in your budget, if you have any doubts that it won't be, you would just decline, or tell the host who can pencil you in, but leave it open.
Yes it's your annual leave, the holiday becomes part of the wedding..

Original poster

Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 21:05

It’s not about being obsessed with Vegas it’s where we want to go to get married we are not getting married here because we don’t want to our choice no one else’s. Most family members would love it the question was just about length of time to save/organise for those who want to come.

OP posts:

bridgetreilly · 08/04/2018 21:07

I basically think it's unreasonable to expect anyone else to go abroad for your wedding. If you want your parents there, have it in the UK.

Original poster

Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 21:08

We were also thinking of a low key stag and hen do so something along the lines of car racing/dinner for the men and spa/show for the ladies that we would pay for as a way of thanking everyone that was there.

OP posts:

MargaretCavendish · 08/04/2018 21:09

Have you been to Vegas before? I always think it's a serious risk to get married somewhere you've only seen on TV - the places I've loved and hated have often been really different to my preconceptions of them.

Peanutbuttercups21 · 08/04/2018 21:11

2 years notice would feel like pressure to me, like "you can't possibly have an excuse not to come, as you can't have anything planned yet and you have 2 years to save"

I would only come if you were my sister, for a cousin or friend I would not go to a destination I don't like, or spend £££'on someone else's wedding I am afraid.

Original poster

Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 21:12

margaret no I haven’t so you could be right I’m doing as much research as possible spoken to people that have been, but yes I love how it looks and the places there hopefully like many places people go to because of the pictures it lives up to what we’d like.

OP posts:

Original poster

Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 21:13

peanut it would only really be family invited so that shouldn’t be an issue.

OP posts:

HundredMilesAnHour · 08/04/2018 21:29

I went to Vegas for the wedding of a close friend, and while it was an interesting "experience", I'd be disappointed if that was my wedding. It's like a conveyor belt of brides. We were in and out of the wedding chapel in less in 5 mins (seriously). Our bums barely touched the seats. There were several other brides queuing outside as we came out. It definitely didn't feel like a special day - unless your special day consists of being one of many brides. We had a post-wedding meal at one of the restaurants in The Venetian. We had a private alcove (with a heavy curtain that could be drawn across) but every time we went out into the main restaurant (to go to the loo, etc), there were at least 5 other brides dining there. As a guest, it was quite entertaining but it's not what I would have wanted if I was a bride.

The Vegas wedding was an expensive trip and not something I'd repeat. The bride and groom had a DC (PFB) and that made it very difficult for the rest of the wedding party to spent time with them as they seemed to be fully occupied with the DC coping with jetlag/feeding/playing etc. It was a long expensive trip for a 5 minute wedding ceremony and very little time with the bride and groom.

I've previously turned out invites to weddings in Italy and Turkey as I just couldn't afford them. One of them was the wedding of my best friend (at the time) and I was very upset that I couldn't afford to attend. We were close for many years but drifted apart after her wedding.

This year I'm going to a wedding in Bali of another close friend. I was told 9 months in advance which was fine for me but meant that I had to abandon the holiday that I'd been planning for this year. It's too much expense and too much time off work to do both. I've been to Bali before and I'm not a fan, but this is a good friend and I don't want to miss seeing her get married. But I do resent the amount of money and time off work this is costing me, given it means sacrificing the holiday I was planning. Part of me is kicking myself for agreeing to go to the wedding but my flights and hotels are booked and paid for so too late for me to pull out now.

I must admit that I'm sick of people getting married overseas (unless they live there/come from there). I miss local weddings. They felt thoroughly English and it seems that we are losing a little of our 'genteel heritage' and becoming more showy and ostentatious.

Ilikeanimalsmorethanpeople · 08/04/2018 21:31

I did this, Gave everyone a year's notice if they wanted to come but didn't get annoyed with anyone who didn't, the whole idea of Vegas was that we wanted a small wedding with no children. We did have a huge party before we went out to Vegas that everyone came too so I like to think everyone felt included and celebrated with us either way, we also had the video link for people to watch live or log on and watch later.

Ilikeanimalsmorethanpeople · 08/04/2018 21:34

Pressed too soon! We had about 11 come and most of them included Vegas in holiday plans and used the time to travel around

nooka · 08/04/2018 21:45

I think Vegas is tacky and weddings in Vegas are as tacky as fuck. That's partly because I live in Canada and here going to Vegas is something you do with the lads, so it's more the equivalent of a dirty weekend in a European beach resort. Not somewhere you'd force your family to go if they want to see you get married.

The issue as I see it for the OP is that her dh's family might think it's a great idea and something they would like to save up for but it effectively excludes her dad. I would have thought this might make him very sad, and no watching a live stream will not really compensate, in fact I would have thought it might well make him feel much worse about it.

I also think that invitations/ information (notice seems a bit of an odd word to use) need to be very carefully worded. Saying if you 'cannot' attend you can watch a live stream implies to me very much that you are expected to be there. What about people who could get there but don't want to because they don't like the idea of Vegas / have other things they need to spend money on?

However for the OP's actual question it's fairly pointless asking on mumsnet. If you think that your dh's family will think it's a fantastic idea and your dad won't care then tell your dh's family it's what you want to do and ask them how long they'd need to save for and then plan with that in mind.

cunningartificer · 08/04/2018 21:51

If one partner comes from another country then getting married there makes sense (convenience for one family) but otherwise it’s just getting others to tag along on your honeymoon/personal fantasy and realistically that’s a bit unfair to people who have budgets and preferences. If someone said “I’m getting married in Wiltshire but it’s going to cost you your holiday abroad to come “ I’d think twice no matter how fond I was of that person, just in fairness to my family. Two years’ notice gives you time to save up, but arguably puts more pressure on. So yes two years is good notice, but only for people who already want to go to Vegas.

KC225 · 08/04/2018 21:53

I got married in Vegas. No regrets loved it.

But really don't think its a child friendly place.

Be wary if the live stream. It hadn't worked for a week when we arrived and we had to be refunded, the bride after us was really crying as she had promised this to her family.

CountFosco · 08/04/2018 21:55

Considering most people get 5 weeks annual leave in the UK one week isn't a massive amount surely?!

Considering school holidays are 13 weeks plus inservice days and I have 2 children who regularly need hospital appointments or overnight stays in hospital (using up on average about two weeks of annual leave each year) I would never use up two weeks (one of DHs and one of mine) going to a destination wedding abroad. DH and I are both higher rate tax payers but we have 3 kids, no family support locally and horrendous childcare bills. We've not been abroad for 13 years (and that was to Ireland). So sorry but I have no interest in attending your wedding and frankly I'd rather not get an invite because then I'll feel obligated to give you a present.

Only time I went abroad for a wedding was 20 years ago, the wedding was in the bride's home town and she arranged my accomodation for me.

NewYearNewMe18 · 08/04/2018 22:01

For me there would be two factors - cost and destination. There are places that are not on my bucket list to visit, and you wouldn't be able to drag me there screaming (USA being one of them). Then there are places I might like to go to - but do I really want to spend my leave with the rest of my family and someone else's friends and in-laws?

In short, no, I can't conceive of any set of circumstances where I'm expected to pay thousands of pounds, use my holiday, going to a destination I'd hate, along with people I 'd be expected to socialise with.

clairedelalune · 08/04/2018 22:01

In answer to your original question, yes I think two years is enough notice BUT I agree with others that people may feel obliged to go because of the time warning. I think it would be fine if it were you, your dp and the children only, but by inviting others there is then a feeling of obligation to attend.
If you are having a meal showing video of wedding, why not just get married and have the meal here, then go to vegas on honeymoon and do a vow renewal there to get your photos etc. You can invite whoever you want to your wedding here too, it doesn't have to be more than immediate family - you could have exactly what you want from a vegas wedding in the uk, just organise it as such.

Dermymc · 08/04/2018 22:01

"Most family members would love it" Therein lies your problem. Your dad wouldn't, but with 2 years notice he'd feel obliged to go.

Your hen/stag are unnecessarily big still. What's wrong with a few drinks?

Dial down your expectations. Even better elope and leave everyone out of it.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Swipe left for the next trending thread