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AIBU?

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Original poster

To give guests two years notice for a wedding abroad?

171 replies

Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 18:11

Just that really me and dp have spoken for a long time about getting married we both want to go abroad although I would happily go with Just the dcs he would like his mum there which means my dad would have to come and then his dad his wife, siblings and then the list goes on (very big family) We have decided on Vegas which I know isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but then they don’t have to come. For a destination wedding would you say two years is plenty notice to afford it should they want to? TIA

OP posts:
TheCrystalChandelier · 08/04/2018 19:08

I do like the idea of gathering everyone together to watch it though. it wouldn’t even occur to me to watch a live stream of someone’s wedding. And I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be part of one.

ZanyMobster · 08/04/2018 19:08

2 years is perfect amount of time. We got married in Vegas, DCs were both under 4. It is awesome for kids, do loads of research first of what to do otherwise you'll never fit it in. There were 19 of us in total, was a fab holiday. We've been back for another wedding since and off again this year for a friend's big birthday.

useyourownteabag · 08/04/2018 19:09

It's not just about money though, it's also using up precious annual leave.
I'd go to a destination wedding if it was somewhere I could holiday afterwards but wouldn't be keen on Vegas.

Nodancingshoes · 08/04/2018 19:10

Oh and I certainly didn't 'resent' paying - we had a fantastic time. Equally she would have understood had we not gone

mousedahousecat · 08/04/2018 19:10

2 years notice is plenty for people who are inclined. Personally, I'd not go to a wedding that I'd need to save for two years specially to be able to attend. For a lot of people a long-haul like that is a "once in a lifetime" kind of holiday, which is what the length of time needed to save suggests too.

ILoveyou2018 · 08/04/2018 19:10

Yes using up annual leave for a wedding is bollocks or what about those of us who are self employed? We don’t get holiday pay, we loose pay if we don’t work.

expatinscotland · 08/04/2018 19:10

'Meals, snacks and drinks are included on long haul flights. '

Increasingly, they are not, or are very, very scant. We fly long haul every year and in the past couple of years I've definitely needed more to eat than was provided, as did my children.

'And planning a wedding which is to be live streamed back to your country sounds tacky as all hell,'

It's also 8 hours behind in time from the UK.

ILoveyou2018 · 08/04/2018 19:11

I think you really need to make it clear on the invite that you don’t expect people to attend or you’ll just piss everyone off and make them feel guilty.

Original poster
Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 19:11

I appreciate Vegas isn’t to everyone’s taste that isn’t my question it was just should people want to come is two years enough time to save/organise.

OP posts:
Sitranced · 08/04/2018 19:12

Some people may not be able to attend no matter how much notice you give them. You have to decide which is more important to you, a wedding with your friends or the wedding in Vegas.

Personally, I'd rather have my friends at my wedding and go to Vegas for the honeymoon.

HakeLively · 08/04/2018 19:12

It's not about notice from an affordability point of veiw.

I don't get a lot of time off for holidays and I'd resent being told where I was going to spend my time off/abroad. I like to choose my own holidays.

mousedahousecat · 08/04/2018 19:13

I appreciate Vegas isn’t to everyone’s taste that isn’t my question it was just should people want to come is two years enough time to save/organise.

It's not the "Vegas issue" but more the principle that two years is an awful long time for people to have to save for/organise attending someone else's wedding. A lot of people don't put that length of time into their own wedding day.

YawnyDawny · 08/04/2018 19:13

I do like the idea of gathering everyone together to watch it though.

Time difference though. GMT -7 hours

Delphinius · 08/04/2018 19:14

We got married in Vegas 10 years ago. Gave everyone 6 months notice. Chose a chapel that would live stream the ceremony online for anyone that wanted to watch & couldn't be there in person.

Original poster
Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 19:14

mobster do you mind me asking what type of venue you used? A hotel or chapel or something else?

OP posts:
ILoveyou2018 · 08/04/2018 19:14

I appreciate Vegas isn’t to everyone’s taste that isn’t my question it was just should people want to come is two years enough time to save/organise.

Yet you’re asking people to pay loads of money to go there for your wedding

viques · 08/04/2018 19:14

I would have thought that Vegas was the one destination wedding venue where you just go with your OH, do the deed preferably done by Elvis, then come back and have a party!

Even if I had two years to save I wouldn't be that keen on using up precious holidays on a destination I wasn't keen on going to so it is not just a question of money for a lot of people.

expatinscotland · 08/04/2018 19:14

'I could do the live stream just for my dad so it was special just for him and then do a video at the meal on our return so he would see it live before others.
If it would be a problem for his family we could elope but I know they would want to come it’s somewhere they would love. Only one family member has a child the rest are nowhere near or have grown up children.'

So you're willing to exclude your own father?

The pair of you sound very selfish for even having a destination wedding.

Vegas? S. Africa? FFS, why not Italy or Spain or some place that's easier and cheaper to get to?

Expecting people to take all their holiday leave to traipse across the globe with the assumption that they'd love to come is rude.

Pretty mean on your father, too.

ZanyMobster · 08/04/2018 19:15

At the end of the day if friends/family want to go they will. You can do Vegas on various budgets. We are staying at the Wynn for 4 nights and incl flights, room upgrade and breakfast it's £700 each. That one of the most expensive hotels. It can be done a lot cheaper if you stay slightly off the strip and certainly if u don't eat or drink on the strip the whole time.

Most people who go there without kids say it's not kids friendly but they honestly go out of their way to make kids welcome if you have them with you. The hotel pools are usually brilliant too if you go when ita warm though. No they can't stop in casinos you can walk through there with kids though but we have stayed over 3 weeks in total and gambled once in that time. there is way too much to do to waste time gambling.

Bedknobsandhoover · 08/04/2018 19:16

I would deeply resent having to spend a fortune on someone else’s wedding, or having to miss a close relative’s wedding because we couldn’t afford the colossal cost.
Are you prepared for everybody to refuse your invitations?

Original poster
Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 19:17

Due to the cost of weddings most that I have attended/ will be attending have been two years in the making and one was actually three!

OP posts:
Delphinius · 08/04/2018 19:17

And also had a wee party back in England for those that couldn't make it after the event.

EssentialHummus · 08/04/2018 19:20

I really wouldn't, in your circumstances. Your poor dad. Get married in the UK, have a honeymoon abroad. Dragging an extended family on a long-haul flight to a divisive destination for the privilege of witnessing your wedding is an awful idea imo, whether they have two weeks or two years to prepare for it.

TheCrystalChandelier · 08/04/2018 19:20

I appreciate Vegas isn’t to everyone’s taste that isn’t my question it was just should people want to come is two years enough time to save/organise. but it being to people’s taste is relevant if you’re expecting them to pay thousands for the privilage and give them time to afford it.

It’s not enough to say that you know that x and y would love to be at your wedding if your wedding is somewhere they would ordinarily never even consider going and certainly wouldn’t want to save thousands to go to.

When you’re planning a wedding in a destination that is going to cost the earth to travel to, stay in, and might not be to someone’s taste but because of the distance they would be forced to spend the best part of a week there it’s about far more than just the money and the ability/time to save it.

We’re not talking about giving people the time to save for an outfit and a present and maybe a night in a hotel here. We’re talking about flying to America, spending a week in America, having to pay upwards of probably about £5k for the privilage and having to give up a week of annual leave, and no matter how much the person in question means to them, the price to pay is likely to b far too high for many, and I’m not talking finance here.

Original poster
Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 19:21

Wow scotland don’t hold back. I know aibu threads can be brutal but really? I asked for opinions of a wedding timeline not of mine or my partners personality thank you very much! Wine chill out

OP posts:
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