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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To give guests two years notice for a wedding abroad?

171 replies

Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 18:11

Just that really me and dp have spoken for a long time about getting married we both want to go abroad although I would happily go with Just the dcs he would like his mum there which means my dad would have to come and then his dad his wife, siblings and then the list goes on (very big family) We have decided on Vegas which I know isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but then they don’t have to come. For a destination wedding would you say two years is plenty notice to afford it should they want to? TIA

OP posts:

Aragog · 08/04/2018 22:02

Vegas can be family friendly if you want it to be. We went to a wedding there, for a week, when dd was 8, and we've been back more recently when she was 14.

IME it isn't just for adults, and it doesn't have to just be about drinking and gambling either. Whilst they can't go to where the casino machines and tables are , they can walk through the rooms and hotels - the carpets have walkways on them.

Most hotels have pools inc family friendly areas. There are ride areas for children, an aquarium, animal areas, interactive shows, things to go in and see, etc.

Dd had a great time both times in Vegas. She's not a beach and sea type of girl and never has been, far more into cities and doing stuff.

Vegas can be very adult, but if you want it to be it can be family friendly too.

Original poster

Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 22:02

kc255 I’m thibking of just playing the wedding video once we are back. A friend did that for her abroad wedding and it was lovely to be able to see her getting ready and all the little moments you wouldn’t usually see.

And thanks for the heads up count il not send you an invite.

OP posts:

KC225 · 08/04/2018 22:06

Should add, DH and I from different countries - we chose Vegas as we are older, neither of us are religious and we really wanted to go. Plan was to elope and tell no one.

A couple of people guessed, a close friend and DH's best friend and his girlfriend. They met us out there, and it was much the better fun for it. We sent wedding photos, made into a postcards to everyone we knew and we had lots of people saying 'if only you had said ......'. I was shocked at the amount of people who were seemingly up for going to a Vegas wedding.

theeyeofthestormchaser · 08/04/2018 22:06

But why not get married at home then honeymoon in South Africa if that’s your top destination?

clairedelalune · 08/04/2018 22:07

Countfosco- I am a teacher with 13 weeks holiday a year.... I sure as hell wouldn't attend one either.

londonrach · 08/04/2018 22:07

Two years..thats a long time...thinking death, birth, weddings in that time...

londonrach · 08/04/2018 22:08

Im lucky apart from mn ive never heard of a wedding outside the uk.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 08/04/2018 22:10

I wouldn't want to commit to anything two years in advance. Unless it was a fabulous holiday that I'd chosen myself.

Cost wouldn't be the only factor in my decision not to go to Vegas for somebody else's wedding, tbh.

Aragog · 08/04/2018 22:12

Oh, and I did get married abroad too. It wasn't called a 'destination' wedding - not sure that term had been invented then! But we went alone, got married whilst there. We then had a blessing and party a couple of weeks later in the uk for family and friends.

I did it that way for my own reasons, not to spite anyone and fortunately both parents supported us fully. That's what, to me, being part of a loving family is - understanding that your children may want something different and supporting them whole heartedly in that. I hated the idea of being centre of attention, with all eyes on me. But knew I couldn't get away with it easily at home as have a large family. We did tell parents they were welcome to join us but knew it was unlikely, it was before the days of being able to live stream, etc.

The blessing (which I really didn't enjoy as was centre 'stage' and felt uncomfortable) and party was for family. Our ceremony was for me and DH.

My sister got married in Vegas. We were invited to go if we wished, though she was also having a party for family and friends afterwards. We decided to go and dd was a bridesmaid. My parents and brother also went, and 4 of their closest friends. BILs family didn't go but fully supported him marrying abroad.

I'd like to think I'd be the same as my parents and not guilt trip my child into having the type of wedding they didn't want. Surely that's what being a proper parent is all about?

magoria · 08/04/2018 22:14

People may really want to come but saving for two years for someone else's wedding may mean they have to go without a lot of stuff to afford it.

It is a lot to ask.

Enidblyton1 · 08/04/2018 22:20

I think a years notice is plenty - if people need more time than that to save for your wedding then they probably will be overstretching themselves to attend.

Original poster

Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 22:25

Whenever our wedding is talked about (everyone is just waiting for us to announce it I think as it’s such a given that it’s due) a lot more people have said they would want to come even though we have said whenever it happens it will be abroad.

I think there would be something my dad and his wife would enjoy doing whilst there they are very much into traveling although I know Vegas can be seen as a bit out there.

OP posts:

Ginger1982 · 08/04/2018 22:26

If you're looking for lovely photos at the Ballagio fountains, be prepared to have loads of tourists in the background!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 08/04/2018 22:28

Why is everyone talking about your wedding when you haven't announced it yet? . How on earth is it a "given"?

agrennie · 08/04/2018 22:39

We got married abroad in a very expensive (but close) location. We gave 2 years notice and those who wanted to be there were there and those who were not that bothered were not. We had an evening reception when we got back for everyone so i got to wear my dress twice. We had official family photos at the evening reception as well as the wedding destination so we have 2 sets of official photos.
Everyone has strong opinions on weddings so we just did what we wanted and i wouldn't have changed it for the world. It also cost about 1/2 the price of a full wedding here.
We also had never been to our venue before and it was all perfect 😊
So to answer your question: for us, yes 2 years was enough notice. Good luck!

Original poster

Need2morehands · 08/04/2018 22:49

They talk about it because we have dc and a house so a wedding for us is next we have never gotten around to it before due to dcs and houses now we finally can so people ask when are we getting married etc that’s why.

I love the idea of wearing my dress again definitely an option

OP posts:

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 08/04/2018 22:56

You have dc and a house so everyone asks when you're getting married? Seriously?

ZanyMobster · 08/04/2018 23:08

OP - sorry I missed your question before. We stayed at The Bellagio, the wedding was in the chapels there. We had a meal in one of the restaurants there after. Had some amazing pictures with the fountains in the background, their photographer was amazing.

There are loads of tourist guides online and some specifically about taking kids to Vegas.

Vegas was somewhere our immediate family really wanted to visit so it worked well for us. No one HAD to come, we made that very clear but everyone was welcome.

ZanyMobster · 08/04/2018 23:14

Need2morehands I just noticed you mentioned a pool, the pools in the big hotels are amazing, the kids played in them every day when we went.

Forgot to mention, we had a party when we got home, invited all our friends, 2 weeks after the holiday and had all our photos printed by then. Was great to celebrate with everyone too.

ZanyMobster · 08/04/2018 23:22

Ginger we had no one in the background, we stood on a balcony in the hotel with the fountains behind us then also on the road leading along the side of the fountains, the way the photographer angled it meant no other people in the picture. They do so many weddings they are mega professional. We even took some of our own later in the evening and still managed to have no one else in them.

Magoria surely you wouldn't go to a destination wedding if you didn't want to/couldn't afford to.

There is no way I would go without stuff to go to a wedding I didn't want to, no one that came to ours did that a it was a place they wanted to go to and also they saved as they would for a normal holiday.

DH and I went recently for a friends wedding, cost us £5k for a week in a 5* hotel right on the strip and we only ate/drank in the big hotels and did a fair amount of shopping so definitely didn't do it on the cheap. We could have done it for half of that cost but equally if we didn't want to we wouldn't have felt we had to, they were very chilled about it all.

WazFlimFlam · 09/04/2018 18:47

You need to be prepared to take no for an answer, and be sensitive about not going on about this for two years.

One friend of ours has twice planned a destination wedding. The first was called off when she broke up with the first fiance.

The second (identical wedding) was supposed to be happening this summer, but was postponed until next summer. We have been hounded for a positive RSVP since last summer, despite saying no repeatedly.

So frequent have the demands on us to not only attend the wedding, but go along with a group of other friends and book a group villa for a week, that we have started avoiding this particular group of friends.

While we were once relived the wedding has been postponed a year, we now are facing actually losing our friends over this as we just can't face being hounded for another year. Our boundaries aren't being respected and we have seriously reevaluated a number of friendships over this.

There is also the small matter of me now being pregnant…

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