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AIBU?

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Original poster

My baby not our baby

223 replies

Babybarclay · 08/04/2018 10:39

A little context so I try not to drip feed:
My mother-in-law was an only child so she's used to getting what she wants and this has carried on throughout her adult life. She has two children and was quite a strict parent. She and my husband's dad got divorced about 10 years ago when the kids are all grown up. She's living quite a luxurious lifestyle travelling about a lot but gets annoyed when my husband doesn't ring on at least three times a week to say hi. When we got married my husband made a point of living in the same area as her so she wouldn't get lonely.......
Anyway me and her son got married a couple of years ago and we now have a baby. And she constantly refers to my baby as our baby. This annoyed me a bit as I grew up with a lot of children and it's my first baby so it's a big deal for me ! Yes she is the grandmother and it's her family too so I brushed the our bits off thinking I was being silly....

But am I being unreasonable to get annoyed when she starts saying "my baby my baby" when she's talking about... well my baby not hers?? X

OP posts:
OohMavis · 08/04/2018 10:44

Saying "my baby!" doesn't necessarily mean she thinks your child is hers.

Any more than me calling my nephew "my little sausage" doesn't mean that I think he's a) mine, or b) a sausage.

NewYearNewMe18 · 08/04/2018 10:46

It's an expression.

Really just not worth losing any sleep over.

my/out, I/we are all interchangeable, same as "you" is both plural and singular.

"how's my baby today", is not offensive. Its a simple expression, the same expression a gazillion grandparents use daily as a greeting

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/04/2018 10:46

I'm confused to why you'd need to give a run down on your MILs divorce, luxury lifestyle and holidays OP?

Honestly, it's just words. It makes no difference whatsoever to anything else. Maybe look at it from the viewpoint that at least she cares enough about your dc to want to say " our baby "?

Original poster
Babybarclay · 08/04/2018 10:46

I get people say this towards the babies but this is when she's talking to me and her friends etc

OP posts:
OohMavis · 08/04/2018 10:46

Also, again, "our" baby isn't necessarily an attempt to claim ownership. The adults in our family regularly called children "our" - Our Lucy, our Steve, our Billy.

It's just affectionate!

Emma198 · 08/04/2018 10:47

Think you're being over sensitive. I call my niece "my baby" but I don't genuinely believe she is mine, I'm not considering laying any claim to her, and I'm not disputing she is in fact my sister's.

ohgodalmightywhatnext · 08/04/2018 10:47

Errrrrrr I really hate when people blame things on being an "only child"

I know people with siblings who are spoilt arseholes.

Just ignore her if you don't like it.

My DS is commonly referred to by my mum and dad as "our boy"

They just see him as an intrinsic part of the family.

Rachie1973 · 08/04/2018 10:48

I admit to calling our grandchildren 'our little ones'.

I don't want to parent them (In fact it grates that one in particular has parents who think weekend babysitting is my job, and I should want nothing more on a Friday night lol).

I don't want anymore children, but we have a lot of kids (6, ranging from 16 to 30) and 4 grandchildren so they are 'our little ones' as in 'the little ones of the family'

user1498549192 · 08/04/2018 10:48

I wouldn't be too bothered by this personally. My mum calls my son "my boy" but it's just an affectionate name because she loves him. It doesn't take away from the fact that he's my baby. If your MIL is otherwise decent, I would try to accept it for the sake of good familial relations.

hamburgers · 08/04/2018 10:49

As an only child I find this quite offensive

RapunzelsRealMom · 08/04/2018 10:49

My DM does this too and it used to drive me bonkers! She'll say "our kids" (hers and mine - obviously they're nothing at all to do with DH!! Hmm)

It's annoying but doesn't actually do any harm. She sees me as 'hers' and they are an extension of me so basically hers too.

LadyRenoir · 08/04/2018 10:50

I would be annoyed. My MIL keeps on referring to MY baby as her, as in 'My Johnny'. And I actually once corrected, her. The context is slightly different, MIL is obsessed with the baby to the point it is not healthy from my perspective, so I intentionally need to put her down a bit every once in a while, otherwise she would completely take over the baby!

Brokenbiscuit · 08/04/2018 10:50

My mother-in-law was an only child so she's used to getting what she wants and this has carried on throughout her adult life.

You lost me at this point, I'm afraid. YABU.

Viviennemary · 08/04/2018 10:51

I think you are reading far too much into this. But I agree it could be annoying especially if she is generally a pain in the neck.

dragonwarrior · 08/04/2018 10:51

It's just a turn of phrase, my parents call mine theirs etc and I am sure they love the grandchildren more than their own children too!

Birdsgottafly · 08/04/2018 10:54

You'd hate Liverpool. Any baby born into the family becomes 'our baby'.

It's a term of endearment, to show a close family collection and a level of protection (if needed).

Halloolah · 08/04/2018 10:54

I think that, as above, it can be a normal thing to do. However, from your context it sounds as if there's more to this and she's somewhat overbearing in your life. When you're already a bit irritated by something, then the little things take on significance too.

Maybe address the other issues - do you think she's too involved? Were you not happy about the decision to live close to her?

Ebony69 · 08/04/2018 10:55

I'm confused to why you'd need to give a run down on your MILs divorce, luxury lifestyle and holidays OP? .

Absolutely. You’re being incredibly precious. If you continue to feel so easily offended by your MIL in this way, you’re going to place yourself in a lot of unnecessary difficulties in the future which will impact on your husband’s relationship with his mother.

DanceDisaster · 08/04/2018 10:57

My grandma used to call every baby in the family “our baby” when they were, well, babies! She was from Lancashire and I always assumed it was a colloquial thing. She definitely didn’t think the babies belonged to her. And she was one of four children, not an only fwiw!

LoniceraJaponica · 08/04/2018 10:58

I live in the north of England. It is common parlance round here to talk about family members as "our" - our Jane, our William etc.

AgathaF · 08/04/2018 10:59

I think you've been quite nasty about her in your post. And insulting to only children. You clearly don't like her.

It's a turn of phrase. If it bothers you so much then tell her.

peacheachpearplum · 08/04/2018 10:59

my baby not hers Well it isn't just your baby is it, unless it was another miraculous conception.

pencilhoarder · 08/04/2018 11:00

It's rude, MIL is not your friend and sounds nutty. Ask MIL which 'baby' she's referring to because clearly she can't be meaning your DC whose is yours and OHs, and not hers by the simple fact of procreation Confused

LucilleBluth · 08/04/2018 11:01

For gods sake, grow the fuck up op. You have a child.

Original poster
Babybarclay · 08/04/2018 11:02

I didn't mean to cause offence about the only child thing she is just very spoilt and this comes across in a lot of things in her life. She has a lot of friends and a lot of family but nearly disowned my husband but considering moving further away from her!
So we move closer to her
At the birth you literally had to hold her back from picking up my baby (who was in a incubator )

So I guess I'm asking more of how would you address this because I think if she keeps acting the way she does she's going to push yourself more and more and more onto my child

Xxx

OP posts: